Woodpeckers C.C vs Chertsey C.C -No precipitation, just a rain on our parade.
As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately, the proverb rung true at an overcast and grey Chertsey.
We arrived at Chertsey in good form, buoyed by our first ever win at the HAC, extending our winning streak to a record breaking 7 games and cementing our place in sporting Valhalla. The Peckers join the likes of the Mercedes F1 team with their 7 consecutive championships and the 7 consecutive Tour de France wins of Lance Armstrong, whose understanding of the word doping is rather different to some of the Peckers’.
Cuddy, Horse, Pobsy (c), Dupa, Muttley
Spinach, Butternut, Groundskeeper, Cat, Dabbler, Badger
Whilst we waited for the hungover rabble of Badger, Spinach and Butternut. The latter two had been goading Pobsy the night before with photographs of them enjoying a fine single malt at an uncouth 4:15 AM.
Chertsey’s Innings
Donning the newly arrived Pecker head-wear, we were sent into the field. In Motty’s absence, the new ball was put into the Cat’s paw. As the Cat trundled into the wind to deliver the first ball of the day, his footing deserted him at the critical point of release, as he careered to the ground with a heavy thud. Once the field had finally finished cackling and sawdust had been liberally applied to the damp crater left behind by the days before, the Pecker’s toil began. Cat and Spinach bowled miserly, pinning down and threatening the Chertsey opening pair on a few occasions. At the cursory 6 over sanitation interval, Chertsey were on 12 for no loss, although this would not be the talking point.
Ball tampering has unfortunately dogged the game of cricket for decades, England in 1994, Pakistan in 2006 and Australia in 2018 being just a few high-profile examples. Regrettably, Chertsey 2021 must now be added to the list of accused. When the Chertsey player (Shepherd) on umpiring duty snatched the ball and dowsed it in alcohol hand sanitizer, the sporting world shook its head. Regarding unfair play, Law 41.3.2.1 of The MCC’s Laws of Cricket states that “no artificial substance may be used” to interfere with the condition of the match ball. This rule has been adapted slightly during the Covid-19 pandemic, with the ECB requiring the ball to be wiped with an approved disinfectant wipe, but it is quite clear that alcoholic hand sanitizer is not permitted on the ball. What leaves a particularly unsavory taste in the mouth of this Sanitizer Gate is the fact that the Cat’s request that they apply hand sanitizer to their own ball in their innings fell on deaf ears.
When the ball, damp and dull, was eventually returned to the seamers, the ball unsurprisingly ceased to swing, which it had been prior to Sanitizer Gate. The runs stayed low, but the first wicket continued to elude the Peckers. The scoreboard pressure eventually told, as the opening pair began to take increasingly daring singles. The pair made the error of testing the Dabbler’s arm, and with laser precision he threw down the stumps. Horse then entered the attack with a truly marvelous spell of bowling, finding a metronomic rhythm and good pace. With Butternut’s and then Cuddy’s licorice all sorts bowling from the other end, Chertsey began to go through the gears. The Horse claimed his first victim of the afternoon when the remaining opening bat edged the ball high into the sky. Hearts in mouths, the ground fell silent, albeit for the dreary murmur of the M25, as the realization that it was our captain who was underneath it. Pobsy manage to hold on after a brief juggle to bring a partnership of 71 to an end. The second run out of the day by Butternut quickly ensued before Dabell took a smart diving catch to give the Horse his second scalp of the day. Before Chertsey could add to their tally, they had lost another, with Cuddy getting in amongst the wickets after a sharp catch by the Badger in the cordon. Groundskeeper entered the fray, making his return after an ACL operation. However, it was Dupa who would succumb to injury, heroically pulling a hamstring whilst saving a boundary. As the Peckers’ nutritionists Avocado and Swedie would endorse, it was nothing a quick drink could not remedy, with Dupa soldiering on shortly after with Moretti in hand
Mr Moretti to the rescue.
Groundskeeper followed in Horse’s footsteps, bowling a superb length that had the Chertsey bats scrabbling, and it was not long before they nibbled. The sound of leather kissing willow is unmistakable, like that of a lamb’s cry in spring or the chirping of birds in the morning, and all 11 players on the pitch heard that unmistakable sound. As the team ran together to celebrate, our elation to turned to disbelief as the umpire refused to raise his finger and despite the batsman being asked to do the honorable thing and walk, he remained firmly rooted with a wry smirk painted across his face. This was one of a handful of extremely poor decisions, and when Pobsy pressed them post-match for an explanation, there was not mea culpa, instead they could only look at their laces.
After the 40 overs, Chertsey walked back to the pavilion for 192-“6”.
Horse (8-2-22-2) and Cat (8-2-26-1)
Woodpeckers Innings
After a few sandwiches, sausage rolls and ales, it was our turn to occupy the crease. Cuddy joined Badger out in the middle, both looking to replicate their innings last time out (139 and 44* respectively). Cuddy (1) fell early, misjudging an ugly full toss that dipped down onto his stumps. The Dabbler (0) was then quickly dismissed without scoring after he delicately guided the ball into the gully’s midriff.
Just as the Badger/Horse pairing looked like they were going to build, Badger (14) fell, edging the ball high and into the grateful clutches of the Chertsey fielder. Muttley (0) replaced him, but he too was back in the pavilion immediately, joining the Dabbler in the duck house. Enter Pobsy, the Peckers needed a captain’s innings to halt the collapse and to drag us back into the game. After a tidy boundary, Pobsy’s (4) wicket became the latest, edgeing one to slip. Groundskeeper then joined Horse, who almost immediately sent poor old Horse (4) on a suicide mission to the glue factory, with Chertsey capitalizing on a poor call to run out the last of our top order batsmen. With the Old Nag trotting back to the clubhouse, Butternut joined a rather sheepish Groundskeeper. It was not long before the latter had been dismissed, trapped lbw (7).
Muttley returned to the fold, takes ducky consolation with the senior pros
Both he and Pobsy hastily took a walk of the boundary in consolation for their fruitless efforts. It should be said that Badger showed his unwavering dedication to upholding “The Spirit of Cricket”, being fair and honest in giving Groundskeeper lbw. With the Pecker tail well and truly exposed, Spinach joined his housemate at the crease, ready to try and salvage victory from the jaws of defeat.
Amongst the chaos of the collapsing Peckers, Chertsey’s chat was rather bizarre with repeated “let’s do this for Nazi Germany” and “come on the EDL” which doesn’t have much place on a cricket pitch. Butternut (6) got caught off-guard by a rogue straight delivery and his day was over all too quickly, as joined the graveyard of Pecker batsmen. With the Peckers 61-8, the Cat plodded out, donning the Peckers’ newest piece of headgear, the mighty sunhat. Despite Spinach’s very suspect running calls early in the partnership, the two were able to push the Peckers towards the 100 mark and towards respectability. When the Cat (23) was unable to dig out a yorker, Dupa, still beleaguered by his pulled hamstring walked out for the last stand with runner Butternut in tow. Spinach (15*) and Dupa toiled on, playing some expansive shots, but it was not to be, and when Dupa (7) was eventually skittled, it brought not just an end to the game, but to the Pecker’s record-breaking streak.
On the day, the Peckers truthfully were well beaten by Chertsey, however, “The Spirit of Cricket” was the real loser . On to the delightful a fixture at the Hampshire Hogs, where “The Spirit of Cricket” will be back in full force, of that, I am sure. Up the Peckers.
Well said Cat -after the Magnificent Seven at the HAC, we experienced a different kind of HAC-’Horror At Chertsey’, one we won’t be experiencing again. We look forward to the glorious fixtures of Hampshire Hogs, Headley and Tilford x
Drowning sorrows at the end of an illustrious winning streak.
Very well said Bapuss, time for a nice nap