I was putting some winter duvets away in some new vacuum storage bags from Wilkos. I got the stepladders to put them in the top of the fitted cupboards and there was my old cricket bag that had been up there for over 5 years. During those years both my hips had failed again where they’d been resurfaced and I’d ended up having them both fully replaced. They should have just put zips in the scars. ‘That’ I thought ‘is it for my cricket career’. But then one of POB’s begging emails came across the airwaves -the Woodies were short, it was a local ground, was this a sign? It was a sign – it said ‘Don’t be bloody stupid, put the bag back in the cupboard, watch the footie’ but of course I ignored it and POB, already replacing all but 2 of the previous week’s team, snatched at my offer of one more time. So it was with a very smelly cricket bag that I rolled up at Teddington on Sunday. Just the half hour late as I’d had to drop my daughter at Heathrow and the flight had been delayed by 4 hours.

Naturally I knew almost no-one. Pat, of course, and a distinctly the worse-for-wear Tiddles who’d arrived at Heathrow at 5am. I remembered Tiddles from playing with him and his imaginatively nick-named brother Greggles. AKA Greg Palmer. Nicknames. Mine is Ducky as I’m an actor. Occasionally. That’s how I was introduced and how the rest of the team was introduced to me. Of course, those whose first Woodies game this was had to be named. Ricaldo ‘Ricky’ Anderson was on holiday from the Singapore Peckers and had once been nicknamed ‘Razzle Dazzle’. Derek Horsham, another actor (every team should have two) already had ‘Deggsy’.

Peckers find shade L-R Ducky, Tiddles, Chef, Darty. Razzle, Pippin, Quokka

It was by now warmish and the outfield was as dry as a witch’s tit. Teddington’s a delightful little ground for a London setting. Set in the middle of Bushey Park, there’s always a deer or two wandering about and the new pavilion is very welcoming. We were already batting when I arrived and doing well against average bowling. It always looks easier from the boundary. Teddington had a young side out so lacked a bit of zip – though not, as would be proved later in comparison to us – in fielding. We lost Dobell at 29 for 9 bowled and in came Lav and that was that really. He and Moley took the score to 181 making hay when the bowling became ragged particularly tucking into anything short of a length. (The shouts of ‘Moley’ took me back to the old Leeds Playhouse when I gave my ‘Ratty’ in Toad of Toad Hole at Christmas 1984. I had a particularly fine tail). ‘Moley’ got to his ton and promptly left mostly from heat-exhaustion but also because Teddington finally brought on a very useful spinner

Two Pecker Tons this season, both glorious chiselled by the bat of Moleman

Lav’ carried on to his very good 50 and there was a sprinkle of runs till we closed the 35 overs with 227 for 5, ‘Razzle’ showing evidence of a significant cricket pedigree. I was left padded up with my ancient GM bat with a rotten rubber-grip. What deeds I would have wrought!!!

Tea report. 5 stars. Rich and varied sandwiches, excellent warm ham and chicken and beef pies, samosas and fruit-topped cheesecake. Best of the Season but not great when you are fielding second in 32 degrees.

We opened with Tiddles who bowled a very tidy spell, picking up the one wicket well-caught by Moley who kept well with some very difficult bounces and non-bounces. It was good to see the tradition continued in the Woodies of incessant and deeply-personal abuse of each other at the slightest flaws in the fielding. ‘Chef’ seemed particularly adept at this. He also accepted his fair share as well after proving that a ball will go through parted legs. ‘Deggsy’ opened from the other end and bowled a generally nagging length with a late dip that nearly got through a few times. He picked up a wicket to a catch in the deep by Razzle. It was not a difficult catch but it was one you’d still watch nervously with most of our fielders under it. However, as one of us said, watching Razzle prepare to take the catch brought a strange calm to us. Never a doubt.

Razzle came on first change and coming off a 5 pace run still put some zip on it. Unsurprising as it turns out he played County cricket for Essex and Northants taking 122 1st class wickets at 28.29 -economy 3.32 . The young batsmen against us all showed excellent technique but lacked the aggression to keep up with the run rate. Kwakka came on and, courtesy of another Razzle snaffle, took a wicket first ball

The Kwakka fan club were delighted after some delicious Rose -The Kwakette and local friend Lucy

Chef was tight and tidy and the most excitement was coming from the adjoining pitch where some young cricketers were playing. They celebrated the fall of any wicket like the Fall of Rome. It was exhausting just watching them.

Teddington did put our fielding under pressure eventually, taking extra runs on the throw, our fielders generally using the graceful lob rather than the laser arm. Excepting, of course, Patrick Overthrown-Brown. To be fair, they weren’t any overthrows from him and he did a lot of hard-pounding out at deep mid-wicket. The other proper arm on show was Lav’s and he scared the runners twice with his throw, though not quite his accuracy, on 2 occasions. So much so that the batsmen had a mid-pitch strategy meeting. ‘We will not’ they agreed’ take a 2nd run to him’. You know what happens now. The next over the ball went out to Lav on the leg boundary, they ran two, the ball came in one-bounce over the stumps and Moley’s not missing that. So goodnight Batsman No. 6.

It was great to see supporters Windy with colts Harvey and Rory, and ‘naughties’ protégé Bagpuss

Teddington were so far behind the run-rate that POB graciously allowed me to wheel out the buffet trolley one more time. It was amazing – at least 6 years since I’d bowled and I came on and instantly couldn’t hit a length. Just like old times but even slower. One was slow and wide of his leg stump that the left-hander had time to swivel and hit it to 3rd man. Which shook Moley up a bit.

Lav bowled 3 good overs and somewhere in there Tiddles dropped a ‘chocolate eclair’ at point and Pippin tipped a deep catch over the crossbar for 6. Razzle also missed a c&b when he came back on accompanied by a loud, almost theatrical gasp of surprise.

Their innings dwindled away to 194-4 with their splendidly-named skipper. Mike Shufflebotham, at the crease. Shuffs will be playing his swansong next year to make it 50 years playing at Teddington. Thanks also to Matt Rees who umpired all day and part of the Teddington gang who make us feel so welcome every year .

So an easy win for the Woodies by 33 runs. https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5125568 . But it was a joy just to be out there and this may just be a sentimental old fart talking but there is something special about a Woodies team – here we were, 2 debutants, a blast from the past and all change from last week and yet the instant bond of the love for the game and the right way to play it warmed the cockles of this heart. Floreat Picidae!