The most wonderful of English cricket summers had almost come to an end. A year of the hottest day on record, the death of our beloved Queen, a winning England test team and a Peckers season full of wins, ties, and the odd loss! So this meant only one thing was left to do, and play the annual end of season Peckers v Peckers game!
Of course, it is the Woodpeckers, and nothing is done without some level of drama. As the Peckers, and their friends, families and wags alike, gathered in the picturesque Barnes Common ground, a few unfamiliar faces were also changing in to whites.
It transpired the pitch was double booked, and so after some Pobsy negotiation, we agreed to let them play first, and we would start at 2.30pm!Of course this allowing for the “odd” pint and glass of rose to downed, or in Trash’s case a few bottles of Rose, before we even attempted to hit a ball!
Eventually we managed to start with a boat race to decide the toss, of course won by the Pirate Spinach XI, proving that practice aboard the good ship “Wilton” was well worth it.
Choosing to field first we eventually started with a 12 v 13 game, as the later start had led to lots of confusion of teams, overs to be played, rules and whether Horse was actually galloping away or too the ground!
Pirate Spinach putting the Greasy Chefs in to bat, the Baaron von Runkel warmed up his young muscles and declared he would open the bowling!!Pippin and Toby commenced their innings steadily in this 20 over context, (Reduced from 25….after 17 overs had been bowled…as you will see why later), before debutant Pecker “Chairman” entered the fray.
His looping slow spinners, clearly copied from the Baaron, completely bamboozled the entire top order of the Greasy Chefs, with Pippin stumped and Windy & Greasy bowled all in his opening over…Greasy Chefs 10-3 off 2.This brought Trash to the wicket, seeing 3 bowls coming at him, post his downing of the Rose at rapid speed. This clearly led to his best Peckers innings of the season, and in two phases amassed a delicious 54 not out! A lesson to be learnt that playing pissed is so much better for him, than playing with a raving hangover!
Wickets still continued to fall however, and the Pirate was extremely non cholent in taking Pobsy one handed, as only a Pirate can, and captain Chef following close after for a solitary single!
Greasy Chefs 40-6. Then the tide started turn, with Butternut entering the fray, and realising he could hit the ball, and smashing many a fine blow over cow corner. In his two stints he managed to score 36 not out, then get changed and bugger off before fielding!!
The Pirate Spinach captaincy was starting to feel strained, but with the retirements coming, they kept their nerve and brought on Novachock…..who had started the game stating he was making up the numbers and not sure what side he was on….but behind those boyish good looks and Tom Cruise sunnies, a Player of the Match was lurking!
He sped in, and blew away the lower end Greasy Chefs, to finish with 2 for 4, giving him the confidence to smash it around the park in the next innings! 17 overs done, Greasy Chefs 128-9, and we agreed 20 overs was the game to go for!
Greasy Chefs Heroes
Horse was then seen trotting back into the parade ring, post taking his troops and Pirate daughter to the arty Barnes food fest, and came in to support Butternut. Smashing a lovely straight drive or two, to end up with 10 not out, in his only running of 2022. Greasy Chefs posting 169 in their 20 overs. A fine effort given their start , but the Pirate Spinach mob, felt very comfortable chasing, given by then the beer was almost out, pizzas eaten, and the Greasy Chef’s had to contend with short boundaries and only a spattering of bowlers.Afternoon tea was taken, allowing additional pizzas to be consumed, and other delicacies……
Chef -takes over….
The Greasy chefs felt relieved to have scored 169 after being robbed of the boat race, with the Pirate Spinach brigade having spillage issues, namely Martini, as seen in the video footage. I have watched the video a few times, and we should have referred to the TMO; anyhow, we went back out on the very green Barnes oval to defend our 169, a respectable total.
Out to face the Greasy Chef attack came Moleman and Millie, Moley had been under a fitness cloud late in the week but seemed fit and well to me, so I was hoping for an early breakthrough. The horse cantered in with some excellent line and length, but it did not worry Moleman; he was in no mood to stick around with 12 coming off for the first over, Moley smacking a huge six off the second ball.
Tiddles in next for the second over, but Moley and Millie had no respect for the Aussie medium pacer, hitting 13 of his over. Tiddles was blowing hard after his first over, claiming the spicy pizza was hurting him, but I knew he would come back stronger in his second stint; the Spinach Pirates had raced away to 25 without loss in 2 overs, not the start we wanted.
The cherry was thrown to Windy, who was suitably hydrated on Rose; he was energetic in his run-up and unlucky in his first over not to get a wicket, another over where we went for 12. Doby into the attack, and again we went for another 12; Doby stated he did not want to bowl again; he felt his fielding was his stronger suit, he went on to drop two catches, and a long stint in the armband was required.
Moley and Kamikaze both retired not out on 25. The co-captain Pirate in next, out for 1 facing Greasy in his first over; getting him very cheaply allowed us some hope we could get through this middle order, Greasy only going for 2 in his over. Yours truly into the attack now, only going for 6 in my over. The Greasy Chefs felt better that we were slowing the run rate, Groundskeeper and the Chairman at the crease now, controversy never far away with Chairman not trying to hit a six on the first ball, but we let it slide as he fell cheaply, ironically for 6.
Pobsy into the attack, his first over was tight, only going for three, and the pressure was now back onto the batters. Tiddles back on, wickets went flying, with Tiddles getting Martini and Spinach, Tiddles giving Spinach a send-off to remember, and Pobsy eager to join in the send-off .
Mapuddah into the attack. He had been down at third man in the sun baking for quite some time, so I wasn't sure how he would go, but boy oh boy, did he come to play, getting two wickets with his second and third ball, the hat trick was needed.
We had taken the sting out of the Spinach Pirates, with Pobsy and I taking wickets, Big Merv and Dupa falling for ducks; however, we had not expected the arrival of Novichok, like the drug he turned out to be lethal. Handy with the ball, he was devasting with the bat. He strode out with John Lennon-styled sunnies. He smashed the attack hitting three 4's and two 6's. He retired on 25, but came back on to support groundskeeper.
The match delicately poised…32 needed off 24 balls
Groundskeeper, inspired by Novichock, struggled to find the middle of the bat early on and was even given a new nickname by Trash, ‘Hacksaw Ridge’... With Novichok and Groundskeeper settled in, we only needed to slow the run rate, and as the rules state, everyone has a go at bowling; in came Pippin. I will try and be kind, but it was a buffet and free hits aplenty, Pippin going for 28 in his only over, the game had turned, and only Trash could save us.
Trash to bowl what would be the final over; Groundskeeper AKA Hacksaw Ridge smacked Traash down the ground for the biggest Six of the day clearing a massive tree and almost landing on the train tracks. Second ball and Trash takes Groundskeepers wicket with a perfect ball nicking off stump. Novichok, who had early retired on 25, returned with the sun setting and shades still on, strode out to the crease
In summary, it was a close game, with some good moments from both batters and bowlers; the game ebbed and flowed and was played in great spirit. I laughed at the fielding efforts, cried at Pippin's bowling efforts, and was in awe of the potency of Novichok and Groundskeeper. Fine efforts by Mapuddah and Tiddles with the ball, taking five wickets between them, energetic fielding effort’s by Windy, and the constant chat of Pobsy, I knew it would be a long day when I saw that pineapple on the pizza. Trasash with the bat was inspiring, had only 4 hours sleep,what could he have done if had had his full eight hours.
The bulk of the Peckers moved on to the Coach and Horses in Barnes with a lovely beer garden out the back to see out the end of the season, now what to do with winter coming and no cricket till next year.
Special thanks to Patrick for all the organizing throughout the year, and from me personally its great to be back playing for the Pecker’s after twenty years!
See you all soon!
