I write this report from the unfamiliar position of foe, playing against the Peckers and as Captain Patrick’s adversary. Despite not being a vintner and having a sparce knowledge of wine, I have found myself playing for the Wine Trade’s cricket team. Looking out onto the field with a glass of claret in hand, I couldn't help but draw parallels between the Trade and the Peckers, and the good nature in which both play their cricket. Reporting back to Pobsy, he was keen for the fixture, especially given that we were pruning the morose bin-end fixtures from our calendar; Chertsey and Tadworth. Pobsy worked tirelessly to find a ground that met the requisite criteria and were willing to let us play. Eventually a venue was confirmed, the quaint ground of Kew.
Friday afternoon brought something that seldom surfaces in the Pecker lexicon, a mid-week fixture. I had been warned that finding 22 players without work commitments or without the desire to honour those commitments was notoriously challenging. I was adamant, however, that the promise of a sun-drenched afternoon off work, copious amounts of good wine kindly supplied by the trade on the neutral turf of Kew would be enough to entice any man. Late on the eve of battle, with both teams having a combined 17 players (12 Peckers: 5 Vintners), the words of warning appeared to be ringing true.
Albeit 30 minutes after the intended meet time, both sides remarkably had full bodies, with Pobs and Gavin seemingly producing talented and enthused cricketers from thin-air, and from a TV crew.
There was a gentleman’s toss (although not an Elton John special, much to Pobsy’s disappointment) and in another sensation unfamiliar to the Peckers, the Wine Trade took to the field. Moleman and Karl with a K got the Peckers off to a strong start, rebuffing the Trade’s opening duo, which included Traas, who along with Murphy and myself made up the mutineers. The first change of bowling unearthed the Mole, who fell for 20, and their profitable opening stand of 85 came to an end. The Peckers pushed on fast to 106 at drinks, with Kwokka macerating the ball effortlessly to the boundary with alarming regularity. The curse of drinks and the introduction of the pace off approach of Goode undid Singh, falling for an entertaining 29 off the second ball back. Kwokka hit his first 50 of the season, before being replaced by Gav, making his first Pecker outing for 4 years. At 153-5, both sides felt they were in the fight, but as per the rule that all must bowl played out and those less accustomed to bowling took the ball, the pendulum swung firmly in the Peckers’ favour. Wickets fell but at great cost, with the Cat’s old man P Money optimising this, dismissing Spinach (Bowled Wood, Caught Wood), but going for over 30 in his 2 over. Whilst the Trade’s bowling was undeniably abject, the umpire, a volunteer who did not know his Shiraz from his Pinot, was signalling wides with such regularity that one feared he might take flight. The Pecker tail pressed and squeezed every available run, with Pobs and Apoor, 28* and 36 respectively, driving the Peckers to end their innings on 258-9, not bad considering the 35 over format. Goode’s 3 for 20 offer a pleasant note in what was other wise a bitter assemblage of bowling.
At the interval came another scarcely seen but most spectacular of phenomena, the Pecker match tea. This was not the tea that we are accustomed to on Sundays, it was smorgasbord of excellence, with Snax’s bhajis, Pobsy’s coronation chicken, Butternut x Suedie’s brownies and Marmalade’s quiche to name but a few delights
The Wine Trade lived up to their name, providing a blend of delectable wines, which were thoroughly enjoyed with some of the Pecker spectators such as Marmalade (much to Snax’s delight), with Jack Russells in tow and our Life President, who it was a joy to see back in a pavilion.
Whilst tea was being enjoyed, a member of the ground staff had come to the realisation that we had been playing on the wicket made up for Kew’s 1st XI for the following day and hurried us onto some dodgy terroir - the remanence of what perhaps was once a wicket. The Trade’s plight was the compounded by the groundsman extending the boundary on one side, but not retracting it on the other.
Life President and Marmalade enjoy the spectacle
With play back underway, the Trade were quick to spill wickets, both openers departing in the second over to the bowling of Singh with less than 10 on the board. In came the Trade’s glimmers of hope, Ayliffe who had the pleasure of playing the Harrow vs Eton fixture at Lords and Kieran Ghandi, and the pair settled in, forming a fruitful partnership, the Trade began to dream as the pair drove their team beyond the 100 mark. Eventually their good work was arrested, Ayliffe falling for an extremely well made 46 to the bowling of Groundskeeper, a brilliant running catch by Apoor as drinks loomed. Traas came barrelling in and quickly picked up where Ayliffe left off, scoring freely. The peckers needed a man of the moment, someone to squash the Trade’s fightback, and up stood darling Neil Von Runkel, leaving the Trade’s middle order underfoot.
The Madeiran sun clearly having a marked effect on the rejuvenated veteran, like a fine wine who only gets better with age, the cunning of the Baron undoing the Trade’s unripe middle order. Moleman’s quick hands stumping KG for a stellar 60, Traas and Murphy for 17 and 12 respectively.
Traah smites Beearon to long on where he was excellently caught by Dheeru
The brut Cat took to the field and went to take on the old fox, twice reverse sweeping into the space in behind much to Runky’s displeasure. Controversy quickly ensued when a Snax high full toss was bottled by the Cat, with Karl with a K flying forward to take a korker (with a k), diving forward at full stretch off the boundary rope. The umpire at the bowler’s end (after some Cat haranguing) signalled for a no ball however the square leg umpire, keen to be a part of the action, insisted it was his decision and that the Cat was to go. A quick brush up on the rules uncovered that it was not his decision, leaving the Cat fermenting in the pavilion. The Trade’s legs were underwhelming, as another Moleman stumping brought the game to its conclusion; the Trade stranded 74 runs short. The Moleman was Premier Cru, taking a five for behind the stumps, including 2 stunning grabs.
As the sun came down on a glorious fixture and a great bunch, backlit by the striking lights of the church and the renown Kew Gardens, Pecker and Trader sat together, enjoying the dregs a wonderful season. Now on to our last Tango in Rotherfield Peppard. Peckers Up.
