Things go askew at Kew as the Peckers’ run finally comes an end.
A decent descent of Woodpeckers.
This fated Sunday was the day of England’s Ashes survival bid. It was also the Peckers’ opportunity to venture farther into cricketing Elysium and extend their mythical run of 10 consecutive wins to 11.
Whilst the former’s stage was set upon the miracle inducing Headingly, the Pecker’s dance with destiny was situated on the historical leafy green of Kew to a crowd of their own. A large cohort made up predominantly of The Cat and Merry’s university friends set up camp under the wise old oak tree that shoulders the pavilion.
As Peckers amassed, pregame refreshments of Cobra were taken, although the acrid taste left in one’s mouth quickly forced a change of tipple. As the congregation grew more numerous, Kapitän Pobsy embarked off to the square to conduct the toss and to the anguish of many, “practice his Tamil”.
With the toss lost, the day’s descent of Peckers took to the verdant outfield. Groundskeeper was charged with starting proceedings and did so with uncharacteristic erraticism. Whilst the start of his spell unsettled a scurrying Mole behind the stumps, he quickly found his rhythm and began to unsettled the Kew batsmen. With 2 wickets to his name, he was denied a third by the lack of Ultra-Edge. With the oh so topical Spirit of Cricket seemingly abandoning the young batsman, one can only assume he left his cork hat and didgeridoo back in the dressing room.
Greasy bowled very well but lucklessly from the other end and some dedicated fielding kept the run rate down, with Groundskeeper charging through the Clubhouse fence in an unsuccessful bid to deny a rare Kew boundary. The Publican concluded his spell without the present of a wicket on his 30th birthday.
The St Philips boys try their hands at fencing.
Traas entered the attack, and true to nature kept the run rate minor, getting the ball to talk in ways that would haunt the average male BBC television presenter. An opening wicket maiden followed by another to maidens was his lot and our Prince Andrew was hauled off by Patrick for reasons known only unto himself. Runky took a 2nd wicket leaving Kew on 60-5 after 19 overs. Traash was unplayable, and we had a large crowd coming to enjoy the spectacle. We could either bowl them out for 100 and win early and easily or give them a chance to score a total that would be fun to chase, and something to watch for the large crowd. A close game has eluded us for a while and is more fun for everyone, particularly our hosts.
Chefrey gladly replaced his Island Amigo with one eye firmly on the season top wicket tally. From the other end, the heart-warmingly familiar sight of a bronzed Neil Runkel launching leather out of the eyeline of the impatient young batsman. Runky looked like he had never left, striking with 4th delivery and shortly afterwards being drop by he who shall not be named.
With 2 spinners on, the Kew middle order picked up the pace, with 6 & 7 putting on a collective 95 runs as a litany of half chances were spurned, mainly by Cat at slip. Debutant twinkle starred as he made the breakthrough that had eluded the Peckers for so long.
With Kew’s innings in twilight, up in Leeds so too was England’s. With streams in hand for both umpires, Pecker after Pecker abandoned their post in order to loiter over their shoulders. The Cat closed out the innings with some quick (over rate) bowling and his last ball signalled a stampede to the pavilion to catch the match winning moment on the big screen. Kew finishing on 162/9.
Tea triumphed with a breadth of sandwich options spanning from creamy Prawn Mayo to peppery Chicken Salad. With everyone staying well clear of the cursed Cobra, Snax, Horse and Gigi appeared as Pobsy familiarised himself with the group of high-spirited supporters under the old oak.
With tea consumed, Pirate and The Cat headed to the crease and took their marks. The Cat, naturally eager to return to the picnic, was dismissed without score. This heralded The Mole who proved a far more reliable foil to our Corsair as the pair built a solid foundation before Pirate’s timbers were shivered. Jolly Roger gone for 20.
As Merry took to the crease he vowed to better The Cat and he did so, taking a quick single before being returned to the consoling arms of girlfriend Fröhlich. Traas was the last to defend the trio’s cricketing credibility in front of an expecting crowd, but he too fell for a disgracefully meagre 6.
Merry's average of under 2 earns him the Armband of Shame as Fröhlich turns to drink
With Peckers in peril, birthday boy Greasy played with a seldom seen sensibility and began to take the fight back to Kew. The Mole was playing with aplomb, but a combination of canny bowling and quick glovework was his undoing, forcing his departure for a well made 33.
Presumably Merry failed to consider the difference in stature between himself and the Publican when considering an LBW appeal, as he raised his finger to a give an aghast Greasy his marching orders.
The St Philips School duo of Groundskeeper and Twinkle tried to instil some discipline into the tail but were unable to earn any gold stars, leaving Patrick the opportunity to emulate Ben Stokes and produce a match saving captain’s innings.
By this point, Darling Runky had grown so despondent at the state of affairs that he stood up, redressed, and headed to the car park to fetch his batting gear.
You're not in Madeira now darling. x
Upon the Baron’s return, the wicket of Pobsy fell and he ventured out to make the last stand with Chefrey, ready to knock off the last 30 runs to secure the most improbable win in recent memory. Lamentably, there were to be no heroics and “why don’t any of you ever bloody hang around with me?” were the consoling words delivered to Chefrey immediately on the fall of his wicket.
Whilst the result and performance were ones to quickly forget, the day itself was a thoroughly enjoyable one to player and Pecker partisan alike as many beverages were enjoyed late into the balmy evening sunshine. Supporters Gecko and Shuffler, perhaps sensing there may be a few places up for grabs, honed their skills as light faded on another day that further enchanted all in attendance’s adoration with village cricket and our wonderful little cricket club.
Peckers up, The Cat. x
