After 84 years, in 2023 Peckers have scheduled their first ever competitiveT20 contests. The first in June was the victorious Pecker Ashes and The Kings House Sports Ground in Chiswick, West London was the venue for the T20 match against The Treasury C.C (conceived over a delicious BBQ at the 2022 Hog-Wash(out). A crowd of 500 turned up to see us in action (498 of them were actually grey geese) who were nesting on the 4 inch long outfield. The pitch resembled a Lawn Bowls strip and our skipper called “Heads” and decided to make first use of it.

The rules – 20 overs, ten per end, retire at 25.

It was new territory for our 40 over plunderers but we took to it like a CAT-fish to water. From ball 1 BAGPUSS-BALL was in full swing. It was a feline frenzy with 16 off 1st over of the game and we never looked back. Agricultural and Imperious at the same time, Cat set the tone and Moley’s eye’s adjusted as it got darker and built the paced too. After just 6 overs, both openers were made to declare.

Lav and Borgav simultaneously replaced the retirees and there was little remorse for the Treasury Attack. More coffers were plundered as the pink compo ball was dispatched to all corners of W4 and even the low flying 747s were banking for cover on the flight path above.

What followed must be a T20 record at that ground – as the first 4 batters all had to declare – Cat, Moley, Gav and Lav all reached 25 and after 12 overs we’d already notched up 105 for 0 wickets with all 4 men back on the bench, and hoping for a recall - The Treasury was officially declared bankrupt!

Mrytle kept the geese off the wicket and was otherwise very well behaved despite the visible NO DOGS signs throughout the pavilion. It must have been the pedigree chum she was given in the dressing room beforehand that made sure there no avian kills that night.

There was an unfortunate start for our newest debutant – Paddy ‘CUTLERY’ Faulkner who perished first ball as the middle order struggled to keep up the healthy run rate against what was a decent but dazed Treasury attack . Pippin chiselled 13 and Gk Smeagol 10 before some kamikaze running at the death involving Capt POBSY as we scampered to a very respectable 161 for 7 off our 20. A lame an un-retired cat yowled complaints and repeatedly tried a hideous reverse sweep , the third of which saw him banished to his litter box lbw by a delighted Spinach for 32.

With the light fading it seemed a very tough ask for the Treasury. Solid lengths and decent wheels from Spinach and Greasy set them right back, each taking a wicket and Spin only yielding a couple of singles

Founded in 1066 (surely not a good omen) their 1st Lord – a certain Mr Rishi Sunak would have been pulling his hair out if he saw just how slowly his minions went about this run chase .

The introduction of left arm debutante Paddy ‘Cutlery’ Faulkner made immediate in roads as he took his maiden wicket with some silver service of his own, GK Smeagol also snaffled.

Our new secret weapon with the ball Pippin notched two more wickets in his only over and broke a new record for being the only pecker to be on hat-trick balls on consecutive matches after Marlow heroics. Despite 14 run out chances only one was executed and that was when the batter slipped over(Pob refused a reprieve due to our pub reservation looming). Pecker fielding was also secure, all chances taken besides what would have been a worldy by a Flying Cat at Fine Leg.

Lav picked up 2 useful wickets, Twinkle one and when Borgav castled their only retiree Slater to wrap things up that meant all 8 bowlers had taken a wicket(that must be a record too). The Treasury were officially declared bankrupt at 93 all out. only 6 x4’s in their entire innings meant they were always in debt, eventually by 67 runs.

From Back - Greasy, Cutlery, Pobsy, GK Smeagol, Spinach, Twinkle. Front -Borgav, Moley, Pippin, Cat, Lav

In near darkness the victorious 11 made their way to The White Hart majestically set on the river in Barnes for Fish N Chips, Burgers and Ales to celebrate our 13th victory of the season. We were described by Treasury Skipper as ‘a serious T20 outfit’ and need one more win to equal the Pecker season record!

Mr Sunak has this morning called for an urgent enquiry into events.