5th of October was a risky date for a game of cricket, but that didn’t deter 24 Peckers meeting for the end of season parday on a glorious sunny day in Barnes. Thanks to Cat for hauling a barrel of Wandle ale to the ground, and Cheffrey for raiding his Majestic beer stock.
KwakOtto Rockets vs Cheffrey Spinsters
The first match of the day was the boat race, preceded of course, by POB’s players introductions. It was neck and neck down to the 11th man, Tiddles with a full pint and Snax with a half. The crowd were going wild, and to their astonishment, Snax won by a gulp. There was much rejoicing and more ale to celebrate.
The Rockets won the toss and decided to bat first. Was this to exert scoreboard pressure or to extend our drinking time? The wicket was a muddy sponge. The ball stayed low, but morale was high thanks to the ales. Beetle opened the bowling against his cousin. Cat said he was going to hit the next ball at Novochok at midwicket, and sure enough floated the next ball towards the Russian agent. Nov’s safe hands took the catch. Our ale carrier was out for a Duck.
Cousin David had travelled all the way from Dorset and made it count with a rewarding 17 and the first of many 6’s this day. The Russian’s top secret ball magnet earned Novochok another catch off some pace bowling by Spinach.
2 Holmes and a brace of felines -the Cat and Tiddles(scoring)
Filmstar Deggsy, aka Tripod (Ed. presumably because he’s spent time behind the camera), came in and started swinging. Lightning was steaming in slowly and throwing pies. The Russian’s ball magnet malfunctioned and Nov tried to catch the ball with his shin. The loud “Donk” echoed round ground, but he was fine, until the drugs wore off. The Game of Thrones star was finally bowled by Lightning for an impressive 22 with 4 boundaries.
Headmaster Twinkle came in next, safe in the knowledge he couldn’t be out first ball. Unfortunately he was clean bowled by an unwilting Spinach on his second ball. Next in Ladies’ Man Merry and was clearly too merry to run singles. The Doctor had been passed the ball magnet and his brave yet foolhardy dives caused a raft of injuries that were on display in the pub later. Merry’s nearly all boundary performance of 15 was cut short by a great high catch by POB.
Enter Nelson. Butternut’s wanking injury had forced him to play with one arm behind his back. Consternation and awe hushed the ground as Nelson hoisted his first ball for a 6. Some have since hailed this as shot of the season. It didn’t stop there. Snax used to be a fast bowler but was also nursing a wanking injury. His sore shoulder forced Cheffrey’s bowlers had to endure a near 50 partnership from a huge hitting display by Traas (3 x 6s, 2 x 4s, lost balls) and Nelson’s one-armed miracles. Both retired at 28 and 24 respectively.
The author stepped in for surely his usual handful, but alas for Chef and Novochok, 3 pints had emboldened Potty. 3 x 4s and a couple just short added another 14, inevitably caught after playing the same shot every ball. The cuddly co-captain Kwakka started with a brisk 6 and 2 x 4s, caught off an exasperated Chef. SiFly fished around for a few, but alas came home empty handed. With Pecker’s legend Otto bringing up the rear, KwakkaOtto’s Rockets had built up an impressive 157. The only Cheffrey bowlers to escape with no boundaries were Beetle and Lightning with a wicket each.
After a long ale break and jolly good chat, Cheffrey’s Spinsters opened with 2 big guns from the Spinach family. Mama Cas wasted no time despatching our oiled-up captain Otto for some nice 4’s while SiFly angled him some tasty morsels that were hoisted into the hedge; MC retiring for an impressive 25. Bison (2) looked threatening but couldn’t react in time to the speed bowling of the German Arisotocrat.
It was all too much for the Dutch Bugler
Plotto (14) was held at bay by KO’s Australian star Tiddles, who had missed out on a bat, but avenged with the leanest bowling spell of the day. Top scorer of the day Beetle (1st innings not out 37) came into to help The Spinsters’ run rate with Cousin David bearing the brunt after deciding to bowl at a more leisurely pace than usual.
Then the collapse, starting with Novochok’s spaced run out. With tight bowling from Cat, Traas, Merry and captain Kwakka (2 for 6), the KwakkOtto’s ploughed through the Spinster’s next 7 batsmen for a mere 26, half of those scored by a defiant Spinach. To combat the sobre mood in Cheffrey’s camp, the Spinsters finished the Wandle and before long were bawling out Queen songs conducted by POB. Beetle came back at the end to punish an over-relaxed Deggsy for 22, to bring the Spinsters within 3….though the runs in the score book only add up to 122, ehem.
Having finished the firkin, we needed food. We all retired for a delicious tikka torpedo (Snax?) at the pavilion. It was here that Cousin David unveiled his wonderful gift to POB. A cleverly designed map of the Peckers last tour of the Duro region depicting the Peckers lineage as rivers. It was a beautifully hand painted water colour that was accompanied by a rousing speech. Nice one Cuzz.
It really was a lovely gift -extremely thoughtful and loads of work from Cous
After tea we were joined by some old Pecker legends: Windy, Henners, Pukey Joe and their Pecorinos. Windy’s son Har-pindi even had a bat.
The second innings was a hazy relaxed affair with much banter and murmurings of “Shall we just go the pub?” Despite the lack of ale we all hung in there. Tiddles and Otto had a good start, with the German clocking up a boundary ridden 25. The only double digit scorers were Merry with another boundary rich 27 and me, yes me… again! Underestimating my opponent, I asked The Doctor’s jean clad son Charlie aka Scampi if he had ever bowled before… only to be clean bowled by his first ball, a high speed in-swinging Yorker. The next 5 KOs were KO’d for 11 with Doc Jnr bagging 3 wickets off 6 balls for only 5 runs. Sign him up.
The KwakkaOtto’s stood at a lowly 95, as Chef and POB opened with a convincing 19 against star bowlers Tiddles and Otto. The Doctor defied the odds with a classy 9, but the swingometer then favoured KO’s as Snax, Scampi and Lighting managed only 7. All was not lost, the calm nerves of agent Novochock lashed out with a quick 4,4,4,4,6,4,4 to bring about the 100 needed for Cheffrey’s Spinsters to claim a well deserved scorebook (sic) victory for the day.
The score didn’t matter. It was all about the banter and revelry, for which we were all winners. Even 3 generations of spectators on a nearby bench remarked it was the most fun match they had ever witnessed.
The merriment continued at the nearby Coach & Horses where we were joined by the Old Horse and his Fun Filly. The author has forgotten most of what happened next, which explains his decision to buy a round of 10 whiskies – what an idiot.
