It’s June 2023, Peckers are riding high on a record streak of wins and have just beaten Chiddingfold by 249 runs to claim their best win ever – surely this can’t be topped?? Of course not dear reader…

Woodpeckers vs Chiddingfold 2024

The fixture comes in the mid-season sticky patch, the excitement for cricket being back on the calendar has worn off, and it hasn’t got to the point in the season where everyone realises we get a short crack at the sport we love during the English ‘summer’ and we best make the most of it while we can. The bat signal was lit up and duly answered by a new crop of peckers (introductions to come) and XI bodies made it down to the quintessential village cricket ground of Chiddingfold CC.

You would be forgiven for thinking that Chiddingfold is a sleepy village nestled in the affluent Surrey greenery where not a lot goes on. That is where you would be wrong. This Sunday in question had the largest village fete I have ever seen and a visit from the Tour de France. The number of times the peloton rode past got lost amongst the plentiful supply of Bulmers and Moretti but trust me, it was a lot. Alas, we never managed to catch one with a well-timed straight drive.

To the toss, our true leader was on the way back from a Scandi party (no Scandi girlfriend in tow I am sorry to say) so it was Pirate who tossed with the oppo skipper. Whether it was a true toss, or if last years game was discussed, the peckers were first up to bat. As you would if you were given the captaincy for 5 overs, Pirate opened with himself and the first of the new faces –Mike ‘Mama’ Cass. Unfortunately for Mama, his debut with the bat did not produce much of note, too much ‘California dreaming’ perhaps? Bowled swiping at a straight one, he’s a true pecker in that regard.

Whilst waiting to bat, I was treated to a heartwarming story. The Chiddingfold opening bowler at 17 years old had fled Taliban-run Afghanistan, walked all through Europe, found his way onto a small boat crossing the channel and made his way up from the south coast to the land of the toffs so that he could play cricket again. But if you ask me a half volley is a half volley and short & wide is short & wide so he got the treatment just as anyone else would. Karma eventually caught up with me and a full toss that should have gone over the school roof came off my leading edge a glorious 47 off 32 balls by a modest Kami. This brought the second debutant of the day to the crease: Ben ‘Bumpy’ Makepeace, a Kami recruit from Battersea Ironsides.

He and the swashbuckling Pirate ticked the score along with plentiful boundaries but not quite as many quick singles or twos, no need to guess why on a warm Sunday. Pirate was the next to fall, an LBW given by Potty that really did sound awfully woody. Luckily the umpire is always right therefore no questions were asked. It is about this time in an innings (just after a pretty decent platform to really kick on has been set) that the peckers like to collapse, Greasey and Butters duly obliged and brought out to bat the third and final new pecker, Ulric. Whilst this carnage was unfolding at the other end Bumpy had been playing a proper innings on debut, making a very well made 58.

Now Ulrich hasn’t played cricket since his time at school, I wouldn’t want to be rude and guess at his age but it certainly wasn’t that recent... However, he laid willow on more than some of the more hungover regular ‘cricketers’ and kept on smiling through numerous attempted stumpings Next cab off the rank Spinach looked like a man who had been drowning his sorrows at Bath failing to win the premiership and didn’t fancy hanging around for too long. A comedy moment where Ulrich managed to run two before Spin moved summed up his innings pretty well. It was shortly after this that Ulric was finally stumped to much relief of their keeper.

So, it was down to POBsy to get us to a winnable total, some proper strokes and some hacking got us to 180 but luck would run out and he was caught still charging headlong into the fray as any good captain should. Last two men in Potty and Snax would surely use their deep friendship to see out the overs and get us a few more runs to bowl at..? No, horrendous mix up and Potty run out by yards. 180 all out.

*Do I call when it goes behind the wicket or do you?*

When the opposition start setting out tray upon tray in the pavilion it can only mean one of two things: they know we could collapse at any minute or there is so much provided for tea that it takes 15 overs to set up. The latter. What a spread; meters of home-made sausage rolls, piling towers of various sandwiches, refreshing watermelon and a gorgeous lemon drizzle. 9.8/10, lack of crisps really letting them down.

Now to the formidable opening partnership of Spinach and Snax. Firey pace from one end and wily swing from the other, what could go wrong? A lack of respect from the Chiddingfold opening batters that’s what, Snax taken off after three overs after not bowling that badly at all (his early morning self-medication as noted by his chauffeur might not be helping). Greasey was unleashed in replacement and succeed in getting the opener to sky a ‘fizzer’ to use Chefry’s vernacular, POBsy chased back under it and took a fantastic grab. Unfortunately for him this catch will be lost to annals of history as Bumpy produced a diving speccy off Spinach that must be front runner for catch of the season in that top room of the Alma when the gold is dished out. Pob may even sing the ‘Bumpy’ song

In all our excitement and following Spin’s second wicket we neglected the fact that we had brought out their two best batsmen. This is where the game started to run away from us, memories of the fantastic catches were quickly forgotten as balls started hitting the deck all over the place. Missed attempts from Potty (not a tough chance), Greasy (tried to kick one while stood at first slip), Mama Cass (feet stuck in treacle) and a special combination of Spinach trying to use his thigh to catch one then hurling to ball to Bumpy with the batsmen out his ground only for the ball to be spilled have been noted in writing but I’m sure there was a slew of missed opportunities to drag ourselves back into the game. Butters was brought on to toil away with a slightly different variety of right arm medium, but with the batsmen in some ‘nick’ it was a bit unfair to report on his bowling with any unkind words.

By the time Potty was thrown the ball the Chiddingfold skipper was in the late forties and kindly retired after whacking another boundary. 40 runs being scored in the first two overs after drinks meant that Potty was not given enough canvas to paint with and it was just one over before Chiddingfold passed our score at a canter.

fThere are worse ways to spend a sunday -from the back L-R Pob, Spinach, Potty, Snax, Mama Cass, Greasy, Ulric, Butternut, Bumpy, Kamikaze, Pirrate

Not as glorious as our performance last year but a splendid day enjoyed by all – bar open all day, deck chairs to relax in, encouraging words from Cous watching the livestream and even a spot of sun.

Onto the next & peckers up

Kami x

https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/6202770

Full scorecard and videos here x