Tilford

Tilford would be the fitting fixture and venue for our final game of this peculiar, truncated cricket season. This was the 45th anniversary of Woodpeckers v Tilford, Tilford’s Noel Hume played in that 1st fixture 45 years ago and was playing on this day (surely close to a record?). This perfectly quintessentially English spot did not disappoint in serving up its normal fair of wide varieties of vehicles, wide varieties of dog breeds and a wide variety of quality cricket. 4 x 1st teamers were on show for Tilford, I have never played cricket as late, as a week from October. I have also never played with teammates in bobble hats and snoods but the 15 degrees on offer with a stiff breeze necessitated multiple layers. H -bomb (artist formerly known as Henners) was sporting new apparel in the form of West Indies trousers by Castore, premium trousers for a premium player. The variety of cricket wear contributed to a heightened level of true village cricket, there would be many more as the afternoon drew to a beautiful sunset close. This was not a normal final game in light of the two beloved Kiwi peckers SP and Fish who will be leaving us to return home to New Zealand, all had high hopes for a stellar finish to their fine pecker’s careers.

Farewell Fry-up for Fush Chez Pobsy

Pob’s lost the toss and safe to say not one pecker welcomed the prospect of fielding, no amount of bobble hat or snood could remedy icy hands. In addition, Tilford had selected one of the squares nearest the glorious Barley Mow pub. The normally well mown outfield leading to the pub side boundary had suffered in the September dry spell. It was at best patchy, at worst likely to remove your teeth with a well hit cover drive. This boundary was either 4 or a well scampered single, more on that when Peckers batted, for now it was Tilford’s turn.

Next a true village moment - Pob’s sets the field to discover he’d failed to request anyone to keep wicket. With the Tilford batsmen taking guard he requested Karl with a K scamper off to get the pads and gloves and not to worry as “I’ve got inners and everything”. First time for Karl with a K to keep wicket since 1992, which from memory was a mild sh*tshow. Karl with a K Kept klassilly on this okkasion

What was not a sh*tshow was the opening bowling on show from the Woodpeckers. Spinach opened up and took Tilford’s opening batsman’s middle stump with the very 1st ball. Was it the mind games that we were a disorganised rabble? It was not, Spinach’s bowling was Hazelwood like in its accuracy and consistency to make the batsman play. The one stray no ball that struck the opener on the wrist only served to fire him up and dig out 61 runs. Next up was Felix the Cat from the other end who from ball 1 exhibited pace which got several peckers asking “is he normally this fast?”. The bowling wasn’t just fast, it was moving in the air, both ways. Chances were given, SP attempting a heroic high and to the right attempt off a flash from a Cat short ball. This would be a theme for the afternoon, chances offered, few taken. On any other day Felix could and should have had a hatful of wickets. Watched by his parents, The Tilford batsman fended, swerved and avoided The Cat’s bowling for 6 overs, great spell, huge expectations for 2021. Spinach at the other end watched by father Savoy, continued the consistent line and length and would remove the supposed dangerman in Number 3 - Wrenn and finish with 2 – 22 off 7. It felt like Tilford were not expecting 2 “quicks” from the Peckers, it does feel good when the opposition look uncomfortable. Tilford were now 36 for 2 and would lose one more man to a pulled hamstring.

Tilford were moving along slowly and aside from an occasional loose 4, could not seem to take advantage of the short pub side boundary. It was the turn of the Horse next to extract similar pace and movement from the barn end. Testament to The Beast’s commitment after arriving with a swollen jaw, he bounced back within 40 minutes to take the pink pill and extract the same movement from the fresh conditions. From the other end Baron von Runkel bowled 8 beautifully controlled overs. Baron, the ideal bowler to exploit the screaming doubts now festering in the minds of the Tilford batsman, the output of which was their commitment to play the switch hit. This irked the Baron, so he changed length, he changed line “Reverse sweep that!” he advised the batsman after he prodded forward. The traditional discussion of field settings between Baron and Pob’s “one at 45?” “Oh, do be quiet” was never more appropriate than on the 45th anniversary.

Tilford meandered for 22 further overs without losing a wicket adding 104 runs. Chances went down off Horse and Runky to the slip cordon. On SP’s last Peckers appearance, you felt one would stick, but alas not. Neither bowler finished with wickets but fine spells for few runs (0- 20 off 6 and 0 – 35 off 8 respectably). Despite the fast turners of taters (great for a non-wicket keeper) the meander continued. Pobs turned to Henners/ H bomb to break the cycle. Woolly hat removed it was a familiar display of tight off spin bowling which yielded the wicket of Walker, a stinging caught and bowled on a cold day, this was our only successful catch, (Henners/H Bomb finishing 1- 13).

The acceleration to the Tilford declaration was facilitated by some superb pace bowling from Groundskeeper Willy. With catching proficiency at a low eb, bowling at the stumps was key and Groundskeeper bowled the resistant Tilford opener Fuller for 61 before trapping their number 7 for LBW. Fine figures of 2-15 off 5. The end was now in sight for the Tilford declaration, Fish took the opportunity to turn his arm over for the peckers for one last time. Spin of different varieties have been provided by Fish, Off spin variety for his final show, no wickets but plenty of bite (0-13 off 3).

This left Cousin David to wrap up the innings which yielded some of the finest shots of the innings. It felt a little late in the day but Tilford finished with a healthy 178 for 5 declared.

Tatas(Taters fiancee), Otto, Beearon and H-Bomb

 Lunch was the normal fair of BYO, the showpiece component of which was SP’s fine Bacon and Egg pie baked that morning with the help of his mum on facetime. This really is the SAS of pies: breakfast, lunch or snack its versatility is its strength. All the more impressive was the effort SP had gone to, to write fish on the top of the pie in pastry. I can think of no bigger gesture from one Kiwi to another (they can all do the Haka, not all of them can bake). Perfect timing, Motty and Gemotty arrived at the interval to take their table at the Barley Mow with Tik Tak and Daisy dog for lunch. Supporting the team from the inside of the Pub with roast rib of beef and a selection of fine wines for 4 hours really is the only way to watch Pecker cricket. Motty confessed to enjoying this more “consultative” type role in the team.

Once a few more slices of pie, excellent sausage rolls and M&S chocolate bites were consumed, Cousin David and SP took to the middle for the start of the Peckers innings. David sighted 3 balls before launching a 6 and losing the 1st ball. 2 balls later he did exactly the same, 1st over for 14, pub regulars now cheering, cricket was winning. David genuinely perplexed by why the opposition had not done the same, was he missing something? Was this some form of etiquette? With these questions in his mind he pushed on to smash 26 in quick time and seek to answer the questions with the others in the pub, who were only 20 minutes into their 4-hour lunch.

SP remained at the crease now supported by his countryman and Pie recipient Fish. There are many great sporting friendships: Federer and Nadal, Xavi and Iniesta, Willie Thorne and Gary Linekar. SP had driven Fish to the match, baked him a pie, baked him a pie with his name on it.

Our two favourite Kiwis with said Pie

Fitting therefore that Fish repaid this debt by running out SP for 10 well made runs with a Yes, No, Sorry Mate.

Moments before the catastrophe (What a setting to enjoy your last Peckers match)

Up until this point, Taters had been casually educating Tatas around the intricacies of Cricket, the eating of tea, the wearing of white clothes, all in 15 degrees of heat with a stiff breeze. Now he joined Fish at the crease and unleashed lusty blows to the leg side, long boundary, the 178-total started to look achievable. Taters would eventually fall to an excellent catch from Fuller for 20 who’s hand had clearly improved from Spinach’s early blow.  Tilford stalwarts Rambo and Nigel Martyn bowled beautifully as usual and could have used more help from fielders on a day when everyone was praying a catching wouldn’t descend on their frozen fingers

Fish still at the crease was joined by Karl with a K, 20 overs still to go and 80 runs needed. Post the drinks break, Fish went back and across to a straight one, Spinach left with the tough decision to give him LBW, but tough decisions are what we do, well batted Fish for 33.

H Bomb/ Henners and Karl with a K now with 78 runs to get and almost 20 overs to get them in. As is the case with H – Bomb at the crease, the scoreboard moves in 10 or more after each over. With the left arm opening bowler done for the day, Henners and Karl with a K tucked into their bowling and moved within 6 of the total required with 12 overs to spare. Henners would fall for 40 to a fine catch just before the job was done. This brought skipper Pobs to the crease after having spent a good portion of the innings discussing strategy and tactics under the oak tree of Tilford with Groundskeeper Willy. 2 fine edges saw us home for what was, an easy win, Pobs on 5 and Karl with a K 36 not out.

This left the Woodpeckers to enjoy jugs of ale at the Barley Mow under the canopy of a beautiful pink sky accompanied by Groundskeepers excellent impressions of Gollum. This also gave the opportunity to say some heartfelt words about our departing Kiwi(s?) (SP may also be off in the winter tbc, but may want to depart the peckers on a more glorious note?) Will we ever taste bacon and egg pie so wonderful again? Will anyone in the team pull off a red beanie as effectively? More importantly will we find 2 such great blokes, I suspect not, safe travels gents, you will be missed. Well said Karl, and a fabulous end to what’s been a glorious(if truncated) season

Headley

In any other year a cricket game in mid-September would be viewed with slight scepticism as to whether the weather would allow for any cricket to be played. However 2020 has proved to be anything but normal and as it would prove with 25 degree sunshine on the heaths of Headley.

The Pecker’s penultimate game of the season was a short drive out of London on the A3 and upon arrival we were treated to a picturesque ground ruined only by the burger van just across the road.

Soon after our arrival POB and the opposing captain walked out to the square for what is now little more than a ceremonial coin toss. Unfortunately having got a little carried away the day before I was ambitiously hoping that we would be batting and I’d be able to catch a few winks so it was much to my surprise that POB asked myself to open up the bowling with Tiddles.

The Peckers are renowned for many things; their thirst for the Home Counties selection of ales, long herb-infused walks around the boundary and batting collapses, but our ability to hold onto catches is not one of them. So when in the 4th over the outside edge of their opener was found and headed towards SP in the slips confidence wasn’t sky high, but with Shane Warne-esq technique the ball nestled nicely in his hands. This it turned out was SP’s first slip catch of his Peckers’ career (and not his first chance).

Not wanting to get ahead of ourselves in this department a few balls later their other opener chipped one up to POB at mid-on in what could be described as nothing more than a dolly and much to the amusement of the passing cyclists managed to drop it and end up on the floor himself.

Coming down the heath Tiddles consistently put the ball in the right areas and was unfortunate not to find the outside edge on multiple occasions, in his 5th over prised the wicket of their number 3 with a ball that while looked plumb from gulley took their umpire an age to raise the finger. Headley 16-2.

Much to his delight Lav was replaced by the Horse who trotted up the gentle slope bowling some lovely away swingers finding his rhythm nicely. Unfortunately for Tiddles who’d bowled very miserly up until this point their other opener decided to go into T20 mode and his last over ended up slightly ruining the figures. However this change brought the Baron to the fray and almost had immediate success with an ugly hack across the line landing just wide of the fielder. The next wicket was only round the corner and a few balls later he charged down the wicket to a straight one from Horse and the bails went flying.

Being a relative newcomer to the Peckers with seemingly remarkable consistency there are always a number of disagreements during a Peckers fielding display and Headley proved to be no different with Runky upset at POB for his habit of wandering into a new fielding position at exactly the wrong time. B Miles went back to one too many of Runky’s wily grenades and was bowled middle stump.

Another beneficiary of POB’s wandering at mid-wicket was Fish who was not only covering the never ending straight boundary but also deep mid-wicket. When one of their elder statesmen hit it towards the road for what seemed an easy two no one including their younger bat who’d looked very patient facing Baron’s grenades up to this point realised Fish’s prowess in the field. Collecting the ball from the boundary and hitting the stumps on the bounce with the batsmen not even in eyesight. With the scores at 77 – 5 it looked like the game was going to be a rather one sided occasion.

However this wonderful bit of fielding led to two of their senior pros Andy Pickering and Steve Barton coming to the crease and whose partnership of 80 brought the score back to a respectable 157 – 6 by the time they’d departed. Unfortunately the line and length displayed by Groundskeeper had failed to rustle up a wicket and as has often been the case this season H-Bomb’s introduction broke the deadlock. With SP now charging up the hill and with H-Bomb’s darts the last remaining wickets fell cheaply with Headley’s packed full of youth. Headley ending up on 165 for 9. Half time at Headley allowed Horse to fire up the BBQ (this time with permission from the opposition having nearly blown up SW London at Barnes earlier this year) and with Henners’ insistent request for collective meat being listened to, a lovely spread was on offer for tea and throughout the 2nd innings.

Zebra (brother of Horse) resplendent on debut with family in background

Opening up for the Peckers, SP and Botty strode out to the middle with Runky’s batting advice ringing in their ears. Having hit a few lovely strokes for 4 and with Runky offering no advice as to what to do to a full toss unfortunately SP picked out the fielder at square leg.

This brought Fish to the middle, who with Botty went about chasing down the relatively low target with some lovely cover drives from both. A lovely glance off the hip from Fish brought about a 6 into the woods before he too fell for 25 having picked out their fielder at mid-on.

Unfortunately for Headley and a few of the cars parked round the boundary the fall in wickets allowed Botty to get more of the strike and with his eye in and off the back of 70 last week started picking off their bowlers with consummate ease. One straight 6 seemed destined to shatter Groundskeeper’s car windscreen before landing inches short and hitting the sun visor and potentially enhancing the value of the car. This was followed up a few balls later by a smote over midwicket that after bouncing off the pavilion landed a metres away from the Bottmobile. Peculiarly Botty seemed a lot more concerned about the state of his own car than that of Willie’s.

At the middle now after the reeling in of Fish was Zebra, making his Pecker debut - Zebra it seems had allowed his younger brother Horse to have had the tough paper round when growing up. And despite not having picked up a cricket bat for many years immediately hit 3 crisp fours through the offside until he was undone by a straight one by their chucker. Coincidentally this was the ‘only ball’ that Horse had on camera.

Having failed to add to his total runs for the year last week at Peppard, pressure was on Henners not to slip up again and Henners showed very little mercy to Headley’s young bowlers. Dismantling them to all parts in a faultless batting display. Rumours that he was playing for his average must’ve reached the middle as a reverse sweep even made a cameo appearance.

With the Peckers now joined by a trio of spectators in father Totty, brother Motty and his better half Gemotty the scene was set for Botty to see us home before heading off to the West Country. Unfortunately it wasn’t too be with one keeping low and Botty ending up a couple short of the half century.

The Horse, who having manned the BBQ wonderfully for the previous 30 overs might’ve had the state of the sausages on his mind, came out for a brief cameo before POB and Henners ended the run chase having both narrowly avoided getting out to their lovely young leg spinner.

With the weather looking set to change over the coming weeks, the Peckers enjoyed the hospitality of Headley on the outfield to the setting sun and with POB on inter-club relationship building duty came back with an invitation to play at their cricket week on the Friday next year. Another lovely win for the Peckers.

STOP PRESS -Hollywood have got hold of our team shot and cast us for an episode of Miami Vice

Ottoman -The Undercover CIA trying to fit in at a beach resort

Bottovic -His DEA side-kick working the same case

Sanchez -Head of the Columbian Drug Gang

Ramirez -The Miami Vice Hunk moving in on the Otty’s patch (no not you Tiddles)

Cedric Lavington-Smythe -the inexplicable wealthy posh British dude who drives an old red Cadillac and always has a bikini clad Puerto Rican on his arm

Dumb and Dumber -The 2 Pushers Who’ve been using too much product

And The Beearon Von Runky is the Drug Baron we’re all tryna bust

Tadworth

B

Pobsy won the toss and decided to bat, which was met by a sigh of relief to some of the lower order batsmen who needed some time and a few cold Doom Bars to ease their sore heads from Saturday night. 

The pink ball was on display today. Which helped as the ball was soon to be Peckered around the park and dispatched into the trees on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, it didn’t help either our slip cordon or one certain individual throughout our fielding stint in the summer heat.

The Spinach and Badger opening partnership settled into a good rhythm, nudging some boundaries and a handful of sixes, putting on a score just shy of 50 runs. Spinach took a ball to the box which enraged him. But in a usual fashion of trying to sweep across the line, he fell to the off spinner for 20. A good start for the Peckers.

In goes Cuddles, some fine work straight bat and nudging the ball around the park, swiftly bedding in at the crease leaving some of the Tadworthians worried they wouldn’t breakthrough the Peckers low order, who at this point had set a solid 70 for one wicket.  

The Spinacia String Quartet..Badger, Butternut, Macca and Spinach

Badger continued his strong vein of form, dispatching the opening bowlers to all parts of the ground, with a handful of back to back boundaries and handful of sixes, all closely witnessed by the excited Burnley Badgerina, onlooking from the boundary. He eventually fell to a sitter of a catch for 37. 

Henners tucked into their 2nd change bowlers, aided by 4 or 5 dropped catches from unsuspecting fielders. At one point the adoring boundary supporters were given a real treat with 3 consecutive sixes, and in true pecker fashion, the following ball was booed when it only went for a 4, but luckily didn’t require a search party! Henners finishing up on a solid 88.  Skipper Pobsy didn’t last long and neither did Groundskeeper Willy given LBW by Cannon, gone for 3.  

Worried things began to bare the potential for a ‘classic Peckers Collapse’, Macca, fuelled up on the picnic provided by Badgerina and Avocado, stepped to the crease for his best innings to date. He sent his first six of his career over deep mid-on. Punching the air in celebration. He was eventually stumped (for 27)

A year on from his Peckers debut at Tadworth last year, Butternut takes to the crease with Cannon looking to take some swift runs, before a near runout and Butternut diving for the crease. Cannon swiftly caught off his second ball, for 1. After some usual swinging from Butternut with only a couple of overs to go run out for19. Leaving Tiddles to come in to face the last balls of the final over and The Cat both not-out. At the end of the innings, the Peckers put on a tidy 244, a big target for the Tadworth XI.

An eagerly awaited Tadworth match tea which ranks up there with the best. Whilst typically (pre-Covid) this would display a delicious smorgasbord of cakes and cheeses with a luscious ensemble of fruit salad.

Back L-R; Cuddles, POBsy, Cannon, Tiddles, Groundskeeper Willie, Spinach, Felix the Cat, Badger, Henners, Macca and Butternut

We opened up the bowling with Tiddles and Felix the Cat, aiming to keep a lid on their openers. Tiddles in his usual fine form, taking a very early wicket, nipping the top of off stump on his second ball sending the opener back to the pavilion for a duck. 

The Tadworth Veteran Stewi and ended up striking a solid ‘Dom Sibley-esque’ half century off 104 balls. Felix the Cat nearly got his claws on a hattrick and was certainly pumped up for it, following his minor frustrating debacle with one of the younger Tadworth batsmen.

A few overs from Butternut and Macca who both kept it tight in play for the middle order, further pushing up Tadworth’s required run rate into hot water. Soon, Butternut takes his wicket bringing Tadworth to 68-5. This swiftly followed by Macca’s wicket, caught by POBsy.. 

?There was an area of the Peckers’ field that faltered under pressure, whilst in previous fixtures, the Peckers’ slip cordon is usually up for the odd wonder-catch but it seemed that Tadworth this year on occasion both the wiki’s gloves and Groundskeeper’s hands weren’t able to land catch. Badger let a couple of edges slip through the glove, but remonstrated there was not contact. 

Whilst its widely debated and research suggests Covid-19 can’t be caught by under 25 year olds, it could also be argued whether a cricket ball can be caught by Groundskeeper Willy at Tadworth. To the fields hilarity, Groundskeeper had a handful of opportunities edged his way which all slipping through his fingers. Maybe it was the slippery hands from the from the lemon drizzle cake, but we all heard the usual excuse ‘the sun was in my eyes’, or maybe it was Myrtle causing a distraction on the boundary... All the drops were off his best mate, Felix the Cat, which prompted lots of ‘hope you enjoy the walk home’ chat from the Cat

One of the more bizarre Pecker incidences to date was Groundskeeper Willie chasing to save a boundary at deep midwicket by curiously throwing his blue cap to stop the ball..incidentally awarding Tadworth an expensive 9 run boundary, a few laughs from the Peckers and a shaking head from the bowlers end during Cannon’s spell. Of the last clever bowler changes, skip decided to bowl leg-spin for the last few overs. Leading from the front, POBsy set an example, whilst also making up for his duck with a 3-fer for a sickening economy of 3-9 to bring Tadworth’s innings to a close. 

Rotherfield Peppard

On a glorious September afternoon, one surely can find no better past time than pootling off to the delightful countryside of Oxfordshire, Henley for a spot of competitive, yet highly entertaining cricket. Rotherfield Peppard it must be said were excellent hosts and although Sateesh couldn’t provide us with his delectable spicy chicken, Cat’s old school chum Fergus, provided an opposition that for once didn’t turn old Bagpuss (Cat’s new name) into a sour puss! This game was the opposition’s final of the season so we accommodated, much to the anticipated disapproval of the tardy Baron, a twist of shot roulette – more on that later!

The power of three seemed to be the theme of the day. Cuddles our esteemed treasurer set this marvellous fixture up three years ago, and celebrated our third return on the weekend of his 40th birthday. Greasy had his contingency of three via he, Bag Puss & Groundskeeper making appearances. Motty, Botty & Cuddles were the three former Hampton 1XI school boys who came and bolstered the ranks with some actual skill albeit if Motty did have to prance around with a broken toe. The three Sticky Bandit rugby players conformed to the theme with Cannon; the intimidating prop, Henners the nimble scrum half & Lav the light footed open field runner. Pobsy and Runky provided a brace of experienced heads to complete the 11.

The first innings itself was attune to the laws of three as one can distinctly break up the Peppard innings into thirds. The first third saw Greasy and Bagpuss open the bowling in perhaps one of the most economical starts the Peckers have seen this season. After the first thirteen overs the opposition had only put 42 on the board with Greasy opening up with two maiden overs & two wickets and Bagpuss claiming his own maiden. The irony of Greasy’s first wicket, once again falls into this bizarre arrangement of threes. Those of you at Tadworth last week will remember the hysteria and value for money you got at watching GK drop Bagpuss three times in the slips, after arrogantly announcing that he was destined for that spot. Well as luck and entertainment would have it Groundskeeper found his hands this week as he managed to juggle, yet hold onto three catches - none of which credited the fierce feline bowling of Bagpuss who, as ever, shook his head with incredulity at the result.

The second third of the first innings saw the opposition up the anti as Harris and Badger dug in and made the jobs of Runk & Lav most difficult indeed as the score soon came to read 131-2 off 29 overs. We were starting to worry and feared the score would soon turn into 200+ which was not helped by Pobsy’s ‘usual insubordination’ towards Baron’s fielding instructions! There were some other words of ‘encouragement’ between extra cover and the wicket, but this all seemed to catalyse the 3rd 1/3 of the innings

The precise moment that occurred was when POBs switched Henners, the H Bomb to uphill in order to accommodate the hungover birthday boy Cuddles being able to steam down the hill. Both bowled brillinatlt and The wickets didn’t stop coming for the H Bomb. GK caught two of his catches, one of which was a last minute left hand grab that nobody, least of all he expected to catch. Henner’s four wickets were polished off with a fine stumping from the tenacious Botty and Bag Puss wrapped up the innings - getting that wicket he was purring after thanks to the redemptive hands of Cannon. The opposition finished on 166-7…only 35 off their last 11 overs.

A special mention and thanks must go to Minnie, who came hoping to support but was instead burdened with looking after three dogs during the first innings. It was her second game as a supporter, although I expect next time she may come as a kennel lady! Lupin the Basset and Hoover the Cocker were the newest edition the mascot team joining Billy and Myrtle in harmony on the boundary.

Lupin -Felix the Cat’s cuddly Basset Hound on debut(1/4 Springer)

Tea, as we now know it was a rather joyous occasion, for some – perhaps - more than others. Bagpus had been putting his paws to good use in producing an array of homemade Scotch Eggs, Empanadas & a Spanish omelette and the Landlord Greasy turned up with some rather palatable Rose that quenched the thirst of many. As we pecked away at various delicacies we had the job of dishing out the shot roulette. For those that aren’t accustomed, shot roulette requires the batting side to play a series of shots or dares, if you will, on their first ball in. You are given a balls grace in order to try and perform your duty and the tasks are handed out by the luck of a hat.

The second innings was soon underway and the Peckers got off to a flying start…after 2 overs the score was 26-0 with Lav on 24.

Cannon shows his admiration for fellow Sticky Bandit Lav who he has described as the ‘greatest open field runner’ he has ever seen

The pair flayed the ball to all parts and the 167 we need to win came quickly into sight. Lav, I must say, batted with true style – playing an array of beautiful shots which was quite frankly a joy to behold. . Alas, the only shot he gave in the air was gobbled up and he finished on a valiant 81. Lav has never not scored 50 for the Peckers! Botty also had a good hit and finished his spell on 53. Their departure triggered a traditional Peckers collapse

I’m not sure what happened to the batters that followed, perhaps Lav & Botty’s stint at the crease left us too much time to polish off the rose and create an arsenal at the bar or perhaps some boundary walks wafted a false air of security into which temptation got the better. Whatever it was, the middle order didn’t have their eye on the ball. Greasy came in third, had to play a Helicopter shot (look it up) and then left 15 minutes later with a total of 6. Once again, the less said about GK’s innings the better other than he was tasked with using a junior bat. H bomb’s 4 wickets had obviously used up his good fortune as his performance with the bat may well have dropped his average below 100.

A highlight of the game, was Pobsy drew the roulette task of going into bat looking a village as possible – something that came naturally to our esteemed leader. When his time came, he marched out onto the wicket in frayed denim shorts, a thigh-pad on the outside, a very old Gray Nicolls power spot bat, his Peckers hat on backwards, a pair of shades and a fag which he proceeded to light after asking for the middle peg. The whole pitch was in hysterics and the captain led the way in the spirit of the game but perhaps not so much in the skill of it as before long he was back at the pavilion as well.

Village Pobs

Thankfully a couple of trusty Peckers could be relied upon to pull the victory home and Cannon hit the winning run putting a flustered Baron at ease.

And that’s how it came to pass, that on the third to last game of the season, the wondering crew that travelled the pitches of the home counties in the summer of ’20, wound up sitting in a row at 6:30 in the evening, sipping ice-cold bohemian style beer. We sat and drank with the sun on our shoulder and felt like free men…. expect for Greasy!

Groundskeeper Willie Woodpeckers 167-6 beat Rotherfield Peppard 166-7 by 4 wickets

Top L-R Botty, Runky, H-Bomb, Cannon, Pobs, Cuddles(40), Otto, Lav, Felix+ Lupin, Greasy+ Hoover, Groundskeeper + Myrtle, Peppard Badger(the man that christened Otto)..Billy slightly obscured

Brook

Arriving at the bucolic Brook ground having not played for the Peckers this year it was wonderful to briefly catch up with a few familiar faces and meet several new ones. Getting Cousin David out of bed, breakfasted, washed and in the car with egg sandwiches in tow, took, as usually is the case, longer than expected however and we were more or less straight into the field upon arrival. We were oversubscribed so suggested 12-a-side, with everyone bowling an over(bar 1 medical exemption) and Brook were delighted with these arrangements.

Felix the Cat and Motty opened the bowling and threw down some superb stuff against a father and son opening partnership. Anticipation levels were high and after a sustained bowling attack around twenty minutes in a good delivery from the Cat deflected off the bat towards me at square leg. I nearly soiled my whites as it hung for an eternity and was elated when it somehow stuck. The wicket had felt like it was coming, and it was deserved reward for the Cat’s accurate spell.

Shortly after Motty bowled the younger of the two openers with a cracking delivery that blew a stump out of the ground, and prospects were looking good for the Peckers.  Brook’s top order looked shaky and uncomfortable in the face of some excellent bowling, with the odd ball sitting up but most staying very low. When Motty bowled the number 3 fifteen minutes after his last wicket, prospects were looking good and there was a real air of anticipation in the field. The 12.30 start also paid off as I pointed out to Motty (8 overs 2-8) that had we started at 2, his customary ham egg and chips washed down with 2-3 pints may not have yielded such a thrifty dividend

. However, Brook’s number 4 decided to play the long game and got himself established – albeit very slowly. At over 20, Brook had only hit around 30 runs – averaging just a run and a half per over.  

Levels of optimism were high, and to combat the slow yet resistant Brook batting Pobsy brought on the Baron Neil von Runkel to try and tempt the batsmen into making a mistake. Initially the Baron’s bowling was treated with extreme caution by the Brook number 4 and 5, before they were tempted into playing some shots. One of these lofted towards Potty, who sprung into life but failed to have it stick. Shortly after, tucked away in cow corner at the top of the sloping outfield, I spotted a ball flying towards me. Upon inspection it looked set to fall well in front, so I rapidly covered the ground before realising the deception of the slope had led me to completely overshoot – (apologies Runky). At the beginning of the over said author Cousin le-Simon was rolling a cigarette -I pointed out to him that we had a sanitation break in an over, but he kept on rolling anyway which may have led to his confusion… This was not a one-off occurrence and later on Karl with a K was also undone by the hill. 

Frustration levels were slightly rising, however the game felt more in control when Runky’s excellent spell was rewarded with Canon taking a solid catch behind the Baron’s head. At the other end Snax bowled some decent balls, eventually tempting the batsmen into playing a dodgy stroke and sending the ball flying to the right of Potty, who redeemed himself for his earlier indiscretions.

Things then began to slow for the Peckers with Brook’s number 4 slowly gathering some runs, and energy dropped slightly.. Some solid bowling from both was resisted before Canon took a well-deserved wicket of their number 7. Richie from Zimbabwe took to the field and after a few balls decided to try and absolutely tonk Potty. Felix the Cat then justified Pobsy’s decision to station him at deep mid-wicket with an incredibly athletic diving take that defied the laws of physics and was surely moment of the day. One of the best catches I have seen at Peckers with the Cat bravely diving forward and taking it millimetres off the ground

After this the number 8 and 4 formed a solid partnership that proved frustrating for the Peckers. They piled on the runs with both reaching 50s before Felix the Cat dismissed the number 9. Finally the overs ran out for Brook who had scored a respectable 165. Special mention should go to Pirate for his rock solid keeping despite a few years away from the gloves.

The Beeearon heartily approves of young Emily Potter’s favourite hat

Lunch was enjoyed, with several Peckers bee-lining towards the Fox and Pheasant. Buoyed by his egg sandwiches Cousin David opened the batting alongside Potty. He was shortly dismissed, and Karl with a K took to the crease and from the off played some lovely strokes against their openers. Potty hung in at the other end, stealing the odd single before being bowled after twenty minutes or so. Pirate went in and batted admirably with Karl for 20 minutes before being given a very slow decision of LBW. Horse entered the fray and steadied the ship, batting sensibly and deliberately. He and Karl formed a strong partnership with Karl hitting some delightful shots before being dismissed on 46, cruelly robbed of what would have been a well-deserved half century.

Cousin S took to bat and shortly returned after a golden example of woeful shot selection. Enter skipper extraordinaire le Pobsy, who batted well for 20, however when Horse was caught on 24 wickets continued to fall at the other end.. Canon was sent in with the instructions to hit a match winning 30 off fifteen or so balls, but with Brook bringing back on their opening bowlers this was no easy task. Peckers were bowled out for a valiant 134 and made to pay for taking their foot off the gas in the second half of their stint in the field.

Several refreshing ales were enjoyed at the Fox and Pheasant before heading to Potter Towers for further refreshments. An absolutely hilarious evening ensued and made the weekend truly one to remember.

Dunsfold

Some of us more senior members of the Pecker fraternity fondly recall the days when the fixture against Dunsfold started at 11am, lunch was a 2 hour affair at Potty’s then nearby home complete with bbq,  barrel of ale, games in the swimming pool and entertainment from a band comprising a bunch disheveled Scousers who Potty happened to be ‘managing’ at the time. More recently, we were given the honour of playing the match on the same day as Wings and Wheels and enjoyed low flying visits from the likes of the Red Arrows, Spitfires and Typhoons. This was also the venue for our most recent tied match when we both finished on the same score a couple of years ago.

Even though the Potty bacchanalia has long since relocated further South, and Wings and Wheels has sadly fallen victim to the proposed (over)development of Dunsfold airfield, this annual contest remains a firm favourite in our calendar and we were delighted it survived the disruption to this Summer’s fixture list.

As ever, our warm-up took the form of a couple of jugs of Shere Drop at the Sun Inn, with most of the team wandering across to the clubhouse with their bags in the full knowledge that we would be again repairing to the pub upon close of play. The pub was unnervingly quiet, with only groups of passing lycra-clad cyclists for company (“I bet they’re all wankers”, noted Botty). The Top Gear racetrack at the nearby airfield attracts an impressive array of sports cars, and a convoy of six Lamborghinis sped past soon followed by a beautiful silver DB5 (but with the driver more closely resembling Desmond Llewelyn than Daniel Craig). And then there was Cuddy’s bright red Audi TT. Ah.

Horse loves an ale…our own rock star Fish sadly obscured by pint

We were a strong line up, paying due respect to an opponent that always roused its collection of talented youngsters for this fixture, often comprising current or recent pupils of nearby top cricket schools. 11-year-old Chug (son of Pug), who was not even a glint in the eye at the time of the Potter Pool Party, was again taking the field having made his debut at Chertsey last season. Dunsfold were looking to protect their so-far unbeaten season. 

POB lost the toss but Dunsfold thankfully elected to field, with Henners nowhere to be seen at this point. As SP strode out to face the new ball, I was reminded of the early scenes in Skyfall where Bond was roused from several months holed up in self-isolation near a beach, eating and drinking heavily. Bond failed all his subsequent fitness tests, but M sent him straight back into the field nonetheless, knowing she could trust him to get the job done. SP had had just got back from 5 months holed up in NZ (having only intended to pop back quickly to see his old man who’s sadly been very unwell, but having then got caught up in Jacinta’s junta-style lockdown) and presumably he too would have failed any form of fitness test at this point. His opening partner Cuddy didn’t get long to demonstrate his high elbow, soon being bowled through the gate by a pearler from 17 year-old Thomas (a sports scholar at Charterhouse). He sensibly took himself off to the Sun Inn to purchase a jug of ale for the rest of the batting side. 

Botty took a while to get used to the pitch’s highly variable bounce, and despite some early hard cracks to the boundary, soon fell to Young with a fine a juggling catch taken in the slips. Young (who is anything but young) bowled his full 8 overs on the bounce uphill, something our opening line-up failed miserably to do later on. Fish, in at 4, failed to trouble the scorers for long, effectively yorking himself against the youngster Thomas. SP, meanwhile, steadied the ship at the other end and patiently soaked up the new ball during his 16. M was right to throw him straight back in after all. 

Henners, fresh from his late arrival, came in at 5. And proceeded to bat as if the variable bounce, that caused such issues for the rest of the line-up, simply didn’t exist. This was another brutal, chanceless innings that completely took the stuffing out of the Dunsfold attack. Max Bell, normally so reliable, was reduced to figures of 0-43 (which Botty proceeded to loudly announce on the premise that the crowd would want to know) while his father Ollie, bowling off spin these days, was similarly carted to all parts of the ground and beyond as he conceded 49 off 6 overs. Almost an unwelcome ton for the Bells. Dunsfold failed to adjust their length to Henners despite countless late cuts to the boundary as well as numerous lofted 6s when they went too full. The ball was lost more than once, although sadly no passing cyclists were harmed in the process.  

Once SP fell, Karl with a K played a measured innings for his 21 before he was run out in trying to keep up the pace with Henners. POB sportingly walked after gloving behind only to bring in Horse at 8. Horse, with several members of the Gowar clan in attendance, including his eager pair of Foals, more than kept Henners for company and joined him in the brutal attack on the tiring Dunsfold bowlers. He fell in the last over for a very entertaining 30.  

Chug faced the last 5 deliveries and proudly strode off with Henners as equals – his 0* a match for Henners’ superb unbeaten 153. 114 of Henners’ runs came in boundaries, no mean feat at Dunsfold’s spongy outfield (although that doesn’t matter when the ball sails over it). Both were warmly clapped off, with the Peckers setting a daunting target of 261 off 40 overs.

Top L-R Otto, Pufg, Fush, Pob, Cussles, Horse, Karl with a K, Chug, SP, Henners, Botty

Tea, as is the case these days, was sadly a BYO affair (the Motts cracking open a bottle, naturally) and a few more jugs were fetched from the Sun Inn but players and spectators thankfully mixed as per normal.

To give themselves any chance of reaching the Peckers’ total, Dunsfold decided to front load the line up with their youngsters. Pug was given the new pill coming down hill, Horse given the task of coming uphill into the wind, despite imploring POB to ask someone else. Left-handed Max Bell faced the new ball alongside Pite. Pite was here for a good time not a long time and swiftly fell to Pug aiming a straight ball somewhere over cow-corner.

In came St Aubyn, who, as we know from previous years, loves a massive bender the night before our fixture, this time in the form of an illegal rave somewhere in rural Sussex. He and Max started to lay into our opening attack which was, disappointingly, wheezing and limping after only 8 overs. Horse was humanely euthanized after 4 overs and Pug was physically impaired after 6 erratic overs. POB thankfully soon put both out to pasture. Jimmy Anderson, meanwhile, was bowling at 83mph in Southampton at 38 years of age in search of his 600th test wicket. Remarkable.

Max, who played Surrey Premier for Cranleigh last year, was looking very assured and the run rate was on target. POB, to no one’s great surprise, threw the ball to Henners at one end and Motty at the other. Henners proceeded to take two wickets in his first over, the first a rank full toss to remove St Aubyn for a rapid 26 that was superbly held by Fish at cow corner. Motty exerted great pressure from the other end, and the runs dried up as Max was hampered by tight bowling and was starting to lose partners. Henners served up a blend of spitting turners and horrible full tosses, and, this being Sunday cricket, it was the latter that largely took the wickets in his 3-11. Motty bowled his full 8 overs for an admirable 28-1 and helped squeeze the life out of the Dunsfold batsmen.

POB got his dander up when a tight run-out call on Max was turned down by the square leg umpire, at which point POB introduced himself uphill for a rare spell and wonderfully had Max caught by Horse for 72. Horse set the tone in the field with 3 snaffles, thankfully making up for some appalling balls-ups from others.

With Max’s wicket, the chase was effectively over for Dunsfold, and POB brought on Chug for a spell downhill. Chug normally bowls on a 17-yard wicket with a ball about 1/3 smaller than the one we play with. His first delivery was full and straight, and Whitney clipped it straight to Henners at deep point. Absolute scenes as he was mobbed by his teammates. He also then followed up with the prize wicket of Bell Snr with a grim double-bouncer (but as Henners will tell you, its often the ugliest deliveries that get the prize). He was absolutely buzzing with his 2-3 off 4 overs, and the Dunsfold lads were highly effusive in praising him after, nice touch.

Cuddy and Fish both enjoyed decent late spells, but without reward, Fish in particular unlucky to miss out with his aesthetically pleasing twirlers. At this late stage in the day the Dunsfold innings dragged on somewhat as all players other than the Dunsfold 9, 10 and 11 started thinking about jugs of ale in the evening sun. Thankfully Karl with a K, coming on as our 9th bowler to show our depth of talent, soon weaseled out the last two wickets (including a fine pouch from the skip at short extra cover) and we were able to shake hands before 7pm, Dunsfold finishing well short of the target.

All players headed back to the pub for beers, with a half lemonade for our youngest.

Woodpeckers 260-7 off 40 overs

Dunsfold 157 all out off 39 overs

https://dunsfoldscc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4441531

MOM (seniors’ category) – Henners

MOM (juniors’ category) – Chug

Our heroes warmly applauded by Dunsfold

Teddington

History is littered with the cautionary tales of creatives who have failed to solve the riddle that besets nearly all of us: just how does one follow brilliance? The sophomore slump is ubiquitous: for every Charles Dickens rattling out ‘Oliver Twist’ as an encore, there are a multitude of Joel Schumachers insisting on slapping nipples on the Bat-suit. The question, then, is what would the Woodpeckers do to follow up a near perfect performance in the Barnes branch of the Gobi Desert the previous weekend?

Teddington is one of those places where history crackles in the air. Red and Fallow Deer still roam Bushy Park as they did when Henry VIII (not to be confused with Henry Walpole) used to mount his charge and hunt his dinner there. Teddington Cricket Club itself finds itself nestled in the corner of this now-suburban idyll, with their ground located on Dora Jordan Road. Dora Jordan – or Dorothea to her clientele – was an 18th Century courtesan frequented by the Duke of Clarence (who would become King William IV). This delightfully scandalous factoid was related with boyish glee by the Life President.

The Peckers, beer in hand stood back to admire Teddington’s astonishing (and astonishingly expensive) new pavilion. It was best summed up by the eminently quotable Botty, who remarked on its resemblance to a Nordic Health Spa, all dark-stained wood and crisp Scandinavian corners.  

Sun Tzu insisted that if an enemy is of superior strength, then you should evade that strength. POB, having clearly read the Art of War like any good Captain should, and having seen the Peckers’ top order grimacing at the opposition bowlers warming up on the outfield, won the toss and swiftly elected to field. 

Out strode two of the aforementioned youths to open the batting, serious in both temperament and ability. A well-manicured track awaited them, with the occasional cluster of deer droppings in the outfield . Spinach took the new nut with a fierce wind at his back, with Motty tasked with laboring into the gale. With Spinach a touch looser of leaf than usual, and Motty struggling to find rhythm and manage his windswept locks, Teddington got off to a good start, coasting along at a run-a-ball. After 7 overs there was a light spattering of drizzle, and Teddington’s imperious league umpire called the players off and the covers on:   

The “rain” soon abated, and back out the Peckers strode. The break had clearly done wonders for Spinach who, having found an extra yard of pace, got one to skid through into Elway’s pads. Spinach, whose genuflection and feverish appeal rivalled Olivier’s Hamlet, was rewarded by the Umpire’s finger, Elway departing for 27. 

The other opener, Lord, was starting to go up through the gears, although he was perhaps lucky to make it past 50: Botty, inspired by Mohammed Rizwan and standing up to his brother’s seamers, took a sharp take down the leg side, paused, and with the batsman’s back foot still appearing to be hovering above the crease, whipped off the bails. “Not out”, said the square leg umpire, much to Botty’s chagrin. 

Spinach (1/40) and Motty (0/30) were relieved in a double change by POB, who introduced Henners’ off-breaks and Felix the Cat’s angry mediums into the attack. Henners, who had earlier tweaked his groin attempting some sort of nightmarish Cirque du Soleil mid-air pivot while fielding, settled into his rhythm. The Cat, despite reminding Youngy of a “Tim Bresnan heavy ball” bowler, couldn’t quite find a similar level of comfort, and was removed from the attack after a short spell. Drinks came at 20 overs, with the hosts on a worrying 150-odd for 1. 

After drinks, however, the Woodpecker spirit came to the fore. With Henners and Youngy (former county youth teammates who both ended up with 0/56) bowling in tandem, the runs dried up. Youngy wound back the years to remove obdurate number three Greenall with a yorker for 44, and with Lord getting bogged down in the nervous 90s, things were swinging back towards parity. Unfortunately, once Lord eventually conquered his personal milestone, the runs began to flow again – singles, twos, and boundaries all coming in bursts – until Lord eventually slashed a looping catch to Felix at point off a rank ball from Shit Heap, bringing his excellent innings of 112 to a close. 

Their scoring rate had dropped, and something had to give. Henners, who by this point was claiming a paltry “one metre catch radius” at long on due to groin trouble, was about to do something special. So special, in fact, that it deserves its own Shakespearian Sonnet (fourteen iambic pentameters divided into three quatrains and a couplet, you unlettered swine): 

An Ode To Henners’ Catch 

Harmer was closing in on his fifty

When he went to smash Shit Heap to long on.

Henners saw the ball early and limped in

Then saw the flight and knew he’d got it wrong.

He hustled backwards twisting then he launched

A last ditch try; a prayer to summon flight.

The ball flew hard, it arced and then it dipped

And Henners flew, then crumpled out of sight.

A silence fell, a hush across the ground:

An agonising pause that ran and ran.

And then one meaty paw thrust high in joy,

The ball so tightly nestled in his hand. 

The Peckers rushed to cheer, their voices joined

In praise: not bad for only half a groin. 

After that, runs seemed to dry up, and the Teddington innings closed on 286/5 (Shit Heap stealing a brace of wickets for 43 and Butternut bowled a tidy four overs), which, in the eyes of the Woodpeckers, was a small victory as they seemed destined for a score well north of 300.

Botty coaches his brother on the art of batting

After a leisurely change-over (pints for the Peckers, calisthenics and fielding drills for the Teddington youths), Shit Heap and an increasingly reluctant Cannon wandered out to begin the Woodpecker innings. Cannon, as he so often does, promptly played round a straight one and strolled back to the changing room without troubling the scorers, bringing Botty to the crease.

Shit Heap and Botty began in circumspect manner, but swiftly began to accelerate, with Botty launching a sumptuous straight six over the sightscreen. Shit Heap (21) looked dangerous before offering a half-hearted chip to mid-off, and Botty (17) soon joined him in the pavilion, edging to a fine snaffle in the cordon. The Peckers were perilously poised (try saying that ten times quickly) at 41/3, but with Henners and Youngy rehashing their teenage glory at the crease, the game was still in the balance. Henners immediately looked in fine fettle, perhaps after a liberal ralgexing of his groin, and clipped boundaries on both sides of the wicket. With his eyes ablaze at the introduction of spin, he almost holed out to the midwicket boundary, before toeing a catch to the wicketkeeper and departing for 12.

Coatesy, whose retina-searing new white spikes had cause him trouble in the field (“They have too much grip!”) joined Youngy in the middle. There was a sense of calm as they nurdled singles and picked up the odd boundary – what dear old Geoffrey would call “proper cricket” – but all the while the required rate was rising. Coatesy fell, trapped on his crease by their short, fizzy off-spinner, and victim to a most theatrical raising of the finger by the home umpire. The Teddington ground happens to neighbour a Hyrdrogen plant, and at 72/5 the Woodpecker innings had the makings of a Hindenburg-esque explosion.

Skipper POB was next in, caressing his first ball for 4 through backward point and then scraping through to drinks. 88/5 was the Woodpecker score after 20, and hope was fading fast. After drinks, an increasingly lubricated Pecker contingent were cheering every single, boundary and overthrow (especially the overthrows), and POB and Youngy set about their Sisyphean task. Youngy, slowly resembling a stubborn barnacle on the hull of the Woodpecker batting Titanic, was unfortunate: given out LBW despite being several yards down the track. “I think that was a make-up decision for not giving POB out when he was plumb” mused Youngy (21).

Motty (24) and POB (33), the two old stalwarts of the club, began to give the score some respectability, despite POB doing his best to walk on a stumping where the keeper had clearly dropped the ball, and ending up on his arse (a la Outwood) on another stumping chance. They would both perish, however, with the score still below 160.

Then the rarest of rarities occurred: a genuine tail wag from the Woodpeckers. And by tail wag I’m talking Billy-sized rather than Pepper. Spinach (17), wearing a West Indies bucket hat and playing shots like an albino Richie Richardson, and Butternut Squash (31) piled on 45 for the ninth wicket in double time, before they both died by their swords, closing the inning on 212 and leaving the Cat stranded on 8 not out. “I feel there was a century out there for me” said Cat to his captain; “Yes, I should have given you one more over” replied POB. Cat’s bowling figures are, unfortunately, unavailable for public consumption.

Emily Dickinson wrote (in one of her less feminine angsty poems):

“My portion is Defeat – today – A paler luck than Victory”

A few lines later she went on to describe “Men too straight to scoop again”; perhaps foretelling the Woodpeckers’ inability to get down to the ball in the dusty Teddington grass, and all those ones and twos that broke their spirits in the field.

On to Dunsfold.

https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/4351840

Scorecard

Barnes Common

On 4th May 2002, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration launched a little-known satellite into orbit. It’s name was Aqua. Amongst the many pieces of sophisticated technical equipment and instrumentation aboard was a piece of imaging apparatus, part of a wider system – the Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectrometer - known as MODIS.  Ever since, in conjunction with its sister Terra, Aqua has orbited the earth each day, using MODIS for measuring what is known as thermal radiance. In short, MODIS is responsible for knowing how warm the surface of the earth is. It has since managed to identify the Lut Desert in Iran as the world’s hottest environment. But unless any of you reading this work for NASA, I defy anyone to tell me there was anywhere hotter on this planet than the airless gulley at the bottom of the Barnes Common ground on Sunday 9th August 2020.

The beautifully on brand Woodpeckers gazebo in this spot was mere decoration. The overwhelming heat of the place was like mid-afternoon on Mercury. This spot was chosen as the area least likely to create a major incident, as we discovered our portable BBQ was positioned on top of a gas main. The Peckers would choose this of all days to bring a fire, beautifully manned by new Pecker Chef in Residence Peri Peri.

A pitch inspection confirmed the status of the square and surrounding pitch to have the same groundsman as the Lut Desert, with patchy grass and a rock-strewn deck, with “SUN” emblazoned in white paint at one end. We didn’t have the energy to investigate whether the other pitch said “SAT” or “RAIN”, but we busied ourselves in encouraging Skip to negotiate an early bat so we could retire to the shade. A long-term resident of the Gobi, POB was coping well in the heat: he was in ebullient form, the air of a man confident in the rich talents of a well-rounded side.

Prate Garrrr, Badger and Peppa assist me with pitch inspection

Dog-Shit-Heap and Badger opened up in fine style, caressing the ball around for six or seven overs before DSH would sky a long hop to mid-wicket, for a galvanising 20. A fidgety pair, they had clearly put the locals off their rhythm with a selection of wild flails, followed by cultured strokes to the boundary. Throughout our innings, the ball seemed to the fielding side like a flaming cannonball as they dodged, ducked and dived over it in the outfield. Their fielding in the end would be a significant contributor to the score.  

Joining Badger in the middle was a very sad-looking Botty, sleep-deprived by the newborn and virtually comatose until his turn to bat. He had the look of a man surprised to be upright and thrashed his first two strokes to the boundary in a daze, before seemingly waking up. He batted marvellously with an array of crisp strikes around the wicket, ably supported by the furtive Badger, who took a back-seat role as Botty unleashed the kind of aerial display usually reserved for Dunsfold. This was not a day to be hustling singles and twos, and of his 82 runs, only 14 involved any running. He would eventually be stumped with what appeared a half-hearted attempt to regain his ground. As Umpire Cannon incurred the wrath of the keeper by trying to enforce a little-known rule, last used in 1845, Botty raced back to the gazebo to resume the horizontal.  

A heat-exhaustion collapse would ensue: Pirate, Henners, Horse, Skip, Motty and Cannon all falling cheaply bar the odd thrash to the boundary, all returning dripping in sweat. Henners girlfriend Sam was making her debut and he’d remarked before the game that it may be a curse. As Henners was just starting his innings, I was sitting with his Parents and Sam appeared and as she was walking across to us Henners struck a great pull shot to the boundary where the fielder took a remarkable juggling catch 1 yard inside the boundary….Oh Dear! Where then did the runs come from?  

Henners relaxes happy in the knowlege that a- his average is still massive b- Sam still loves him. Tiddles feeling the heat…

Badger’s innings was a thing of mastery. He arrived late, eyes blood shot, the attire and mild look of panic of a man who failed to negotiate Mott’s Law - å = (Empty Stomach) / n (Rosé) - in the logic test that is weekend drinking. Eyebrows were raised as he headed to the middle, only pausing for a dry heave in the arid outfield. But from there? Exemplary shot-making: the drive, the thrash, the edge through the slips, the tickle, the weave, the flounder – all were on display in a glorious masterclass. A clatter to mid-on would bring up a first Peckers century for this fine chap, no-one deserving more the rich chorus of applause from the heavy-set Peckers. 124 was the final tally, a flurry from Tiddles bringing the innings to close with a very competitive total of 296.

We had a fabulous support team -Plenty of Otties, LP, Walpoles. The Shit-Heaps and Spinach brought an entourage including the Burnley Badgerina who witness his Badger’s first ton since Prep School.

Spinach’s lovely support team

Piri-Piri had fired up a marvellous BBQ, when not draining the cooler of lagers, with his famous BBQ sauce and jerk carrots as toppings. It was highly delicious and was a suitable tea, taken in the woods to try and keep out of the relentless baking sun.

Which brings us to our opponents, the Barnes Common CC, led by fearless Aussie bowler Graham Freedman. This charming side plays host to a number of ex-pats - Aussies, Kiwis, Indian and Sri Lankans – all united by a love of the great game and they were marvellous hosts.

Their bowling and fielding had perhaps lacked the cooling effect that they would have hoped, and clearly had strong hopes from a competent set of batsman at the top of the order, who had polished off 300 the previous day. The first shot cracked from the middle of Zef’s bat nearly cracked POB’s rib at mid-on, and the cover fieldsman immediately dropped an additional 10 yards in respectful deference.

Tiddles and Spinach started gamely; Tiddles in particular barely bowled a bad ball and was right on the money from the very start, taking the opener Nikhail in his first over. On this unpredictable deck, he was unlucky to only finish with a single wicket, but certainly played a key role in pinning the home side down. Spinach wasn’t his usual speedgun-breaking self, but bowled tidily, impressing his adoring entourage.

There were however ominous signs for the fielders, who had no interest in enduring a two-hour stint in the field, as Zef and Keshav began to punish the loose ball, though the Peckers fielding performance was highly polished for once (Horse a notable exception). Zef in particular (a Richmond 2s man) looked a high-quality player and struck the ball with authority and panache.

It was the first change pair that swung the match. Motty for Tiddles, trialling a whizzy new action, bowled neatly and straight and on this unpredictable deck was a handful. Bowling with artistry, he built pressure for Henners to exploit at the other end, with his vicious pitch-burning twirlers. He made the breakthrough, trapping Zef the danger man in front for 28.

From Top L-R Horse, Butternut, Cannon, Badger, Otto, Pirate, Shit Heap, Spinach, Tiddles, Henners, POB/Peppa, Botty

Motty would not be outdone and snaffled Keshav for 38 and then Hassan next ball to set up an ultimately disappointing hat-trick ball. Henners struck back, with a hat trick opportunity of his own, Tiddles taking a cat-like worldie at slip, a svelte Rakheem Cornwall. From there, it was really all over, bar a brief wag of the Barnes tail when Pirate came on, claiming his first wicket for the Peckers, the only ball of his two over spell that wasn’t dispatched to the boundary.

The hosts would succumb for 125, and both teams gratefully retired to the Waterman Arms for cooling ales by the breeze-giving river, and we chatted with our amiable hosts into the evening under the setting West London sun.

“We didn’t think you were going to get 300” said one miffed Barnes Commonian. “Once we saw your waistlines, we didn’t think we had a game” said another.
A quote to remember the Peckers by, if ever there was one.

Horse and Peri Peri enjoy a sunset ale

Marlow Park

On a hot Sunday afternoon at the start of August the residents of Marlow were set to be treated to the Woodpeckers annual game. The ground is located in the busy park with plenty of spectators overlooking the River Thames and a small clubhouse/bar serving excellent pints of IPA by the The Marlow Brewery.

Unfortunately, when the Peckers arrived at 12.30 sharp after being forced into a detour due to works on the M4, we learnt that the bar would not be opening until 2.30. This was clearly factored into the Captains decision to bowl first on what seemed a very good batting track. The Peckers team, a mixture of older residents and some new faces eagerly entered the field with the new ball going to the feline combination of Tiddles and Cat.

In the first few overs of the game Marlow raced forward to 30 off the first 4 overs with the Peckers still finding their radar, there was a single chance dropped off Tiddles bowling by Milky who was clearly waiting for the whole family to arrive before showing his skills off.  Following these first 4 overs the Peckers clicked into action and Cat produced one of the fastest and most aggressive spells of opening bowling witnessed this season, this was perhaps due to his rose fuelled Saturday night and also his tour of the Cricket Grounds of Marlow before the match. The first wicket quickly fell to him with the opener edging behind to the wicketkeeper Badger. Following this, the new batsman departed soon after having had his stumps adjusted by Cat (an impressive 2-14 off his 8), with Tiddles at the other end, perhaps not at his usual consistent best. The opening bowlers continued until the 16th over and Marlow were 60 for 2.

The spinners then came to the fore with the Baron ‘s lofters, tossed like Bavarian hand grenades accompanied by Taters quicker flatter offies at the other end. The runs remained tough for the Marlow batsmen who dug in and in the middle overs of the game the run rate continued to be kept down, there were two wickets for Baron during his 8 over spell (2-33) as the Number 4 batsman edged behind to Badger (super keeping display by Badger) and the opening batsman was caught LBW trying to heave the ball into the crowd.  Tactical advice was flying round the field with Cannon inserting himself into a short mid-wicket position eagerly awaiting the ball, unfortunately when the ball did end up flying into his kill zone Cannon went the wrong way and ended up on the floor.

After 28 overs Malow were 133 for 4 with Henners (2-38 off 6) and Cuddles ( an excellent 1-9 off 4) given the difficult task of finishing off the innings. Luckily for the Peckers however Milky’s family had arrived and he proceeded to take a very good catch at mid on off Henners bowling. Full of confidence, Milky then was given the ball for a cameo over and he managed to take a wicket.  The Marlow Number 5, a Trini-Posse Dave Noray batted well and remained at the crease throughout this period for 85 not out, pushing the Marlow total to 220 for 7 off their allotted 40 overs.

After a quick Covid lunch full of Subway Cookies kindly provided by Cuddles, the Peckers openers of Badger and Cannon took guard to face the Marlow opening bowlers. Cannon unfortunately departed soon after leaving the Peckers 1 for 1. Cuddles and Badger managed to wear the new ball down a bit more however Cuddles then received a peach of a delivery which removed his off stump. Badger at the other end kept the scoring going but departed in the 8th over for 28. This brought together Henners and Tatters, with the Peckers 33 for 3 the Marlow fielders were buzzing and on top. They were soon brought crashing back down to earth by the onslaught that followed by the two batsmen at the crease. The ball was hit to all parts of the ground as Henners and Taters were competing to see who would win the “Universe Boss” (Chris Gayle) award for the best batsman who also bowls occasional off spin. The Peckers moved very quickly forwards with these two batsmen entertaining the Marlow residents who were soon forced to watch the cricket as a personal safety precaution with the ball being hit all over the park.

Dynamic Duo in full flow

With the score at 155-3 off 23 overs the Peckers were cruising towards another victory however unfortunately Henners was run out in the unluckiest fashion for 74 with the bowler deflecting a Taters Drive onto the stumps . Taters then fell for 43 much to the dismay of his travelling family of supporters Spud, Maris Piper and Crisp Tina. POB was the next in and with 40 required off the last 12 overs the Peckers kept the run rate going with POB pushing a number of quick singles and a few driven boundaries. When Milky was bowled (8) and Mr Skinner also skittled soon after the Peckers still required 27 off 7 overs.

Our last 3 batsman had all been bowled so I tried to impress upon my partners that we only needed 4 an over and could defend the straight balls and score off others. Cat (9) followed the suggestion for a while before trying to drive a straight one and being bowled. Tiddles was restrained for a while and we got within 4 of the target with 8 balls to spare…Skipper Derek Goosen looped a straight one and Tiddles head came up as he tried to heave it into the Thames, and was bowled. Never fear the Baron was coming out and only had to face one ball in the over. I was sure he would show his trademark forward defensive. Henners on the sideline confidently declared that he had never seen the Baron get out . Goosen bowled an identical delivery and Baron tried a flailing Cowdrey-esque drive and was bowled neck and crop. Marlow Park were in raptures having pulled off a remarkable comeback and I was left bemused and stranded like Custer at the non-strikers end (21*). Marlow Park 220-7 beat Woodpeckers 217 all out by 3 runs.

A fantastic game of cricket and we were hosted brilliantly by Marlow. MOM Henners 73 and 2-38

From Top left -Badger, Cannon, POB, Henners, Taters, Baron, Cuddles, Cat, Mr Skinner, Tiddles, Milky

Outwood

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Back row, left to right: Canon, Spinach, Badger, Cuddy, Baron von Runkel, Felix the Cat. Front row, left to right: Botty, Motty, Tiddles, POB, Pepper Potter (12th man), Groundskeeper Willy.

Outwood are one of our oldest, friendliest and favourititist fixtures.

They’re one of those clubs who appear to be village - a beautiful wooden pavilion with a handsome pitched roof is set back from a slightly wonky square with one comedy short boundary and ringed by native cherry, chestnut, elm, lime and oak trees, all set in National Trust ancient woodland. Too beautifully bucolic for a league club.

Outwood’s beautifully bucolic ground.

Pre-pint net. All very unfamiliar.

In fact, they’re a very well organised and high-quality cricket club with several league teams and a thriving youth, women & girls section. They straddle these sometimes opposing philosophies of club cricket admirably and it always makes for a great Sunday.

We’d retained only three from the club record run chase at Banstead last Sunday, so this was the end of The Wait for eight of us. Some of those eight, eager to not have another Long Wait thanks to some sort of tweak or knack, arrived early for a gentle net to warm the muscles and warn the body of the oncoming exertions.

“A net? a NET? Before a pint? Before LUNCH??!” Let me explain.

The Bell Out, more like.

The Bell Inn, our traditional warm up at Outwood, is still shut for covid reasons. It’s a busy jewel in the crown for Fuller’s so something must be up for them not yet to be open. Your correspondent was despondent, to say the least.

A native Canon, in more familiar surroundings. Notice the elaborate plumage, a sure sign of a longer than expected winter.

Back at Outwood, well the bar was shut when we got there so we had no option anyway.

When the bar did open the net session had found it’s natural endpoint so we stopped short of a pulled hamstring and headed in for our more familiar pre-match tradition. Pilgrim Brewery's Surrey session pale or Hogsback TEA, both bottled - no barrels yet. Most of us opted for the Pilgrim and weren’t disappointed, light and refreshing.
And so, to the cricket. Was the toss lost, or thrown? Keep the oppo happy is Patrick’s approach and it works well. Given how abysmal we all were in the nets I think batting first might have been a complete disaster, better to stand around in the field for a bit, slowly getting used to the movement of the balls, your legs and your arms.

In any case, we were in the field. The morning drizzle had passed and by 2pm the day was brightening, and we were on for an enjoyable 40 over day.

Spinach and Motty opened up. Spinach gambolling gamely down the hill and extracting away swing from the off. Motty groaned grudgingly up the hill, extracting no swing at all but not embarrassing himself (yet) which made him happy.

Spinach struck first, a delicious outswinger pitched on middle and leg and quite politely relieved James Malley of his off bail. This was Malley’s second duck of the season already, having been stumped 3rd ball by his opening partner today at their intraclub game last Sunday. Our thoughts are with his family at this difficult time.

That brought Matthew Norman (League 1st XI captain) to the crease to join Ash Middleton (League 1st XI vice-captain, opening bat and very good wicket-keeper), who’d already smote a succession of 6s and 4s with some ease. We tend not to face such good opposition, even if they are using this as a practice match.

Matthew’s confidence would have been done no favours by the absolute peach sent down by Spinach three balls later, taking his off bail having pitched even wider outside leg stump. With the 1st XI captain gone our Peckers were up to say the last, although Middleton kept smoting away at the other end.

But when he middled a leg-side full bunger to the Cat, a lone figure at deepish square leg, it was a turning point of the game. Luckily for us, Felix has locked-down very well and had enough gut to catch the ball once it had gone through his hands. It was, in the end, a very good grab and swung the game in our favour. Spinach had wilted the best batsmen in the club with a match-changing spell of swing bowling (with a little too much butter in the case of Middleton).

Both bowlers eventually tired though and after one or two loose overs both Espinachio (6-0-41-3) and Motty (6-1-29-0) were rightfully replaced with the score at 83-3 from the first 12 overs. Despite the run rate, we were definitely in the game.

The Baron von Runkel, or ‘Prince Ralgex’ as he was once known, preparing himself for battle.

What followed the best two batters in the club was a succession of callow youths, all high elbows and squeaky pads. Great if you’re playing against other callow youths at independent school cricket-level, but not if you’re facing a wily old Baron bowling the ball so slowly you can play every shot in your repertoire and still have time to do your Latin homework afterwards.

In another match-changing spell, the Baron (8-1-16-3) took out their strong middle order, ably supported by Felix’s assortment of absolute jaffa’s and utter pies from the other end. It was left to Tiddles (4.3 -2-8-3) to tidy the tail which he did with devastating efficiency and excellent lockdown whiskers. A good catch and sharp stumping from Botty made us look all the more professional and your editor can’t think of a serious misfield and certainly no drops.

Outwood Sunday XI – 134 all out from 29.3 over in 131 minutes.

~

Tea

Tea in lockdown is a BYO affair, with only ales available at the bar not even a cup of char was spotted all day. The Peckers brought along a selection of treats which said more about their hangovers than anything else. Motty, having recently taken an allotment, brought along a dozen or so courgette fritters which were scarfed in no time. (most delicious they were too) A few more ales, some arguing about who would open and cards for 9, 10 Jack and we were ready to get out there.

Batting
Having chased down a club record 270 the weekend before, at Banstead, there was a confidence to our batting line up, eager to emulate our team-mates’ success and continue the run.

Without any recognised batsmen at the club since Life President Brian Scovell retired from playing around over a decade ago, POB was left with the familiar conundrum of which pinch hitters to ram up the order in the vain hope they wouldn’t get out immediately a trigger a massive collapse.

Canon and Badger, on debut, were this week’s chosen cuts and what a pair of cuts they were. Full of confidence and pale ale they looked the part and strode out to face the callow youths (see above) who were had been warming up energetically and somewhat impatiently waiting for them to finish their pints.

Can you guess what happened next, dear reader?

You weren’t completely wrong. Yes, Canon did heave his bat across the stumps first ball and yes it was quick and accurate from Talbot, the 1st XI opening bowler. But the end result was four through mid-wicket. After a play and miss (this Talbot was pretty good to be totally fair) canon clipped another pair of fours for 12 off the first over. In a low scoring game, this was Advantage Peckers.

Badger had a little less of a confident start, sniffing and prodding around outside his sett for a few balls before finding the bat with a four of his own. Matthew Norman (1st XI captain and opening bowler) didn’t like this much and started bending his back, only to find bowl Badger the next ball, but from a no-ball. He didn’t like that much either and the next three came down even faster, to no avail. 19 off the first two overs.

This isn’t a fairytale. Another boundary for Canon (17 from 10 balls) and Talbot finally got his satisfaction, clean bowled. Any Peckers captain would take 25 for 1 from the first three overs though, so the lads did fantastic.

Out strode Botty, with all the confidence of a man who’d played and missed 90% of his balls in the net earlier on. Botty is newly fathered to the wonderfully named Alfred Charles Timothy Mott and evermore wonderfully nicknamed Alf-A-Botty Spagotty, congratulations from all the Peckers.

A lot was riding on Botty, one of the very few recognised batsmen in the side. Having spotted that Middleton was a handy keeper the two struck up conversation about technique etc. Botty, feeling kinship, remarked he’d probably get out now he felt comfortable, “a long hop, I think I’d pop it to cover”. Out strode Botty (9).

The least said about Groundskeeper Willy’s innings (two ball duck) the better, I missed all four minutes of it fetching some more ales .GW is lovely bloke though and a born Woodpeckers, even bringing two packs of baccy and a lovely dog. We hope we see a lot more of him in the future.

Cuddy came in at 4. His blue helmet gleaming in the summer mist. The game was surely in the balance at 55 for 3. Badger was looking good at the other end but when he went for 22 to a very sharp Middleton catch a glance back to the pavilion would have seen our designated area in utter disarray. We’d lost three wickets for four runs in seven minutes. I was still in the bar. Thigh pads and gloves were being tossed in the air as five specialist number 11s peeled jockstraps out from their dark, winter nests and picked cards to see who would be in after POB, the captain of the Titanic striding stoically to the middle as if to keep us on course for a nice big iceberg / collapse.

Captain POB and his Coxswain Cudd did steady the ship and saw off a number of overs, including the opening bowlers and other assorted callow youths. Cuddy, in particular, was a picture of concentration, your correspondent has been playing cricket with Cuddles for around 25 years and has never seen him play and miss with such consistency. But the runs kept ticking over and we all calmed down a bit.

Then the Titanic lurched for the iceberg again. By Titanic I mean POB’s seat and by iceberg I mean the dusty floor behind him. A failed late cut to a wide-ish ball from Blease saw him lose balance just at the moment he realised there was a proper wicket-keeper behind him. He swung the bat down to make his ground but this only served to send him further off balance. The right foot went out in a desperate last-ditch attempt to save his wicket, but he should have already been sending the women and children to the few remaining lifeboats. With everything in slow-motion, apart from Middleton’s hands, you could make out the haunting violin of ‘Nearer My God, To Thee” echo across the ground as POB (13) made contact, dust flew up, and his bails were whipped neatly away. The partnership of 31 was match-changing, however, and the hilarious dismissal shouldn’t take away from another key innings from POB. We were now within 40ish of the target and with Cuddy set, all he needed was someone to stay with him. Hmm.

The queue for the lifeboats became a much less dignified death scramble as Felix (four-ball duck) did ‘The Opposite’ of that and Motty (1) could only nick one to Middleton. 90-4 became 98-8 within ten minutes. Why do we keep doing this?

Erm Spinach, aren’t you in next? (Badger looks on)

In came Spinach, fresh now from his earlier match-changing spell, to defend a target he should have not been asked to by his batsmen. He had a look, the bowling was still good and Cuddy was still scoring. Outwood were now on top, for the first time in the game really, and their ground fielding was sharp. Out of nowhere, Spinach went down on one knee (not yet Avocado) and whacked Talbot (now bowling off-spin from the other end) for a huge six over deep mid-wicket to roars from the pavilion. He did the same in the next over to bring us within three runs. Spotting his chance to be a hero he tried a third time from the bowling of Malley, but completely missed it and was bowled for 17. Another match-turning performance though.

Tiddles went in at 10 with Baron refusing to pad up yet, such is the confidence / laziness of the man delete as appropriate. Tiddles played one nicely back to the bowler - rapturous applause. Then he clipped one straight to cover. Luckily for us the fielder lost the ball in the trees and fumbled once, twice, and it was down…

He saw out the over and Cuddy played a lovely square drive to bring us our second successful run chase and W of the season.

Heroes of the day, Cuddy and Spinach.

Cuddy’s innings of 42 not out from 66 balls should go down as one of the best of the season. But for 3fer including club captain and club vice-captain, a ship-steadying quick-fire 17 and for bringing such a crucial Badger in at the last minute who contributed 22 with the bat and in the field, Spinach is our man of the match!

Full scorecard on Play-cricket: https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/4285811

Well done everyone, a great day.

Motty x

Banstead

Peckers vs Banstead.

Barnstead, the place where Surrey captain and England International Rory Burns honed his cricketing skills as young buck, was also to stage the opening showdown of the season with the Peckers. Sunday’s match up would be the first time these two prestigious clubs would lock horns. The lads, keen to get some cricket under their belt even arrived early and took to the nets to help blow out the cobwebs that had been amassing over the covid prolonged off-season. One of the first to arrive was Shit Heap, who had poignantly caught a lift in the Lav-mobile. There was a collective groan as the team learnt we would be playing a 40 overs game, we were keener on 35 with very few of the Peckers confident about their post lockdown fitness.

With the toss predictably lost, we were sent out into the field, with Spinach being given the honour of christening the 2020 season for the Peckers. Spinach, identifying that the wicket was certainly more of a batting track, decided not to use it at all in his first over, instead launching a tirade of full tosses at their young opener. Unfortunately this proved rather ineffective, with the first over of the Peckers’ season going for a costly 16 runs. Perhaps Creamed Spinach would be a more apt nickname? Greasy (newly employed as Manager of a Hampshire Pub) steamed in from the other end with his long blond locks flailing in the wind but again did not fare well, with their young gun storming to a half-century within 10 overs, playing more like he was in a T20 than a 40 overs game.They were 135-1 for one off 15 overs and things were looking pretty desperate. Any edges seems to go through the Colin-Der of Colleen keeping and Shit Heap standing at slip…but possibly closer to Bogota.

Hygiene breaks where all players had their hands doused in sanitizer were frequent, time consuming and a little unusual, although for no one more than Shit Heap, who hadn’t washed his hands since the turn of the millennia. After some buffet bowling had allowed the hosts to race out into a commanding lead, Pobsy was quick to wield to the axe with is bowlers, hauling off the Cat after just one over to change to a spin attack as the Peckers were bleeding runs. Henners entered the fray and quickly broke the deadlock thanks to a comfortable catch from Greasy. As the young opener charged towards his century, on came Runky to give the youth of today a lesson, forcing the batsmen to loft the ball into the hands of Greasy yet again. The two continued to torment Banstead’s middle order, as the runs dried up and the wickets began to fall. Both were unfortunate not to walk away with more wickets, with El Colleen’s quick stumping off Henners’ bowling being chalked off after the Batsmen refused to walk, claiming that El Colleen had deceived him. Runky who was the pick of bowlers, could have had a five for had Pobsy and Spinach held on to a few catches, and did not hold back in letting Pobsy know what he thought about his captain drifting forward off the boundary rope. (It was a new batsman)

Once Runky’s masterclass had reached its conclusion Cousin Le Davide, who had already been busy in the field with a superb catch and a run out, picked up the reigns. After some probing deliveries, Cousin asked the batsman if he was ok and then proceeded to skittle him with a slower ball, a display of psychological mastery as much as a cricketing one. The hosts ended on healthy 273-7, but considering how free scoring their innings had started, the Peckers were not too disheartened as they headed off for a bring-your-own-match-tea. Cousin and El Colleen very kindly bringing enough to share with the Peckers who had forgotten theirs, or in Shit Heap’s case bought a ready meal prawn bhuna without a means of cooking it. As the beers began to flow by the club house, Cousin and Shit Heap went out into the middle to commence the chase. The pair started brightly and were starting to build a solid partnership before Cousin was triggered by stand in umpire El Colleen?, heading back with 17 runs to his name. Lav replaced him at the crease and quickly set about defending his record of hitting 50+ in every Peckers game he’s participated in. Shit Heap was dismissed for 29 shortly after and Henners joined Lavs at the crease with his parents watching on in anticipation.

With the Peckers on 49-2 you sensed a quiet confidence amongst the Banstead field. In the overs that followed, Lavs and Henners proceeded to tear this confidence to shreds, brutally dispatching bowlers old and young across the pleasant Surrey town. LP and Jim Baker watched in great appreciation from the terrace these fine batsmen. Both raced past the half century milestone with some brilliant stroke play, and although Lavs had to walk on 66 he had maintained his perfect Peckers record. With new wife Dr Kirsty and pooch Arnold in support, El Colleen headed to the square, and then shortly after walked back to the pavilion. It may be that the 2018 Pecker of the Year may still have the curse as due to covid we were unable to crown a 2019 champion.Younger brother Wilco then came into the fray and showed his sibling how it should be done, playing some clean shots on his way to 24 whilst Henners stormed to his ton, raising the bat in front of his proud parents. By the time the second Collier brother’s wicket had fallen, the result was a formality. Pobsy came in but Henners was in no mood to share the strike, instead fittingly chasing down the last few runs with boundaries. Despite what looked to be a big chase, with Henners and Lavs in the engine room, the Peckers cruised to victory in the 33rd over. A great first day back capped off with a good win. On to the next. Henners carried his bat to 120 not out off 74 balls. He has scored tons in both his previous seasons, and didn’t wait long for this one! He kindly bought a brace of jugs of Ale which we enjoyed in the balmy sunshine.

Woodpeckers 275-5 beat Banstead 273-7 by 5 wickets –link to Scorecard below https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/4216276

Pick of the Bowlers: Runky 3-39 (Econ: 4.88) Pick of the Batsmen: Henners 120* (SR: 162.16)