Tilford would be the fitting fixture and venue for our final game of this peculiar, truncated cricket season. This was the 45th anniversary of Woodpeckers v Tilford, Tilford’s Noel Hume played in that 1st fixture 45 years ago and was playing on this day (surely close to a record?). This perfectly quintessentially English spot did not disappoint in serving up its normal fair of wide varieties of vehicles, wide varieties of dog breeds and a wide variety of quality cricket. 4 x 1st teamers were on show for Tilford, I have never played cricket as late, as a week from October. I have also never played with teammates in bobble hats and snoods but the 15 degrees on offer with a stiff breeze necessitated multiple layers. H -bomb (artist formerly known as Henners) was sporting new apparel in the form of West Indies trousers by Castore, premium trousers for a premium player. The variety of cricket wear contributed to a heightened level of true village cricket, there would be many more as the afternoon drew to a beautiful sunset close. This was not a normal final game in light of the two beloved Kiwi peckers SP and Fish who will be leaving us to return home to New Zealand, all had high hopes for a stellar finish to their fine pecker’s careers.

Pob’s lost the toss and safe to say not one pecker welcomed the prospect of fielding, no amount of bobble hat or snood could remedy icy hands. In addition, Tilford had selected one of the squares nearest the glorious Barley Mow pub. The normally well mown outfield leading to the pub side boundary had suffered in the September dry spell. It was at best patchy, at worst likely to remove your teeth with a well hit cover drive. This boundary was either 4 or a well scampered single, more on that when Peckers batted, for now it was Tilford’s turn.

Next a true village moment - Pob’s sets the field to discover he’d failed to request anyone to keep wicket. With the Tilford batsmen taking guard he requested Karl with a K scamper off to get the pads and gloves and not to worry as “I’ve got inners and everything”. First time for Karl with a K to keep wicket since 1992, which from memory was a mild sh*tshow. Karl with a K Kept klassilly on this okkasion

What was not a sh*tshow was the opening bowling on show from the Woodpeckers. Spinach opened up and took Tilford’s opening batsman’s middle stump with the very 1st ball. Was it the mind games that we were a disorganised rabble? It was not, Spinach’s bowling was Hazelwood like in its accuracy and consistency to make the batsman play. The one stray no ball that struck the opener on the wrist only served to fire him up and dig out 61 runs. Next up was Felix the Cat from the other end who from ball 1 exhibited pace which got several peckers asking “is he normally this fast?”. The bowling wasn’t just fast, it was moving in the air, both ways. Chances were given, SP attempting a heroic high and to the right attempt off a flash from a Cat short ball. This would be a theme for the afternoon, chances offered, few taken. On any other day Felix could and should have had a hatful of wickets. Watched by his parents, The Tilford batsman fended, swerved and avoided The Cat’s bowling for 6 overs, great spell, huge expectations for 2021. Spinach at the other end watched by father Savoy, continued the consistent line and length and would remove the supposed dangerman in Number 3 - Wrenn and finish with 2 – 22 off 7. It felt like Tilford were not expecting 2 “quicks” from the Peckers, it does feel good when the opposition look uncomfortable. Tilford were now 36 for 2 and would lose one more man to a pulled hamstring.

Tilford were moving along slowly and aside from an occasional loose 4, could not seem to take advantage of the short pub side boundary. It was the turn of the Horse next to extract similar pace and movement from the barn end. Testament to The Beast’s commitment after arriving with a swollen jaw, he bounced back within 40 minutes to take the pink pill and extract the same movement from the fresh conditions. From the other end Baron von Runkel bowled 8 beautifully controlled overs. Baron, the ideal bowler to exploit the screaming doubts now festering in the minds of the Tilford batsman, the output of which was their commitment to play the switch hit. This irked the Baron, so he changed length, he changed line “Reverse sweep that!” he advised the batsman after he prodded forward. The traditional discussion of field settings between Baron and Pob’s “one at 45?” “Oh, do be quiet” was never more appropriate than on the 45th anniversary.

Tilford meandered for 22 further overs without losing a wicket adding 104 runs. Chances went down off Horse and Runky to the slip cordon. On SP’s last Peckers appearance, you felt one would stick, but alas not. Neither bowler finished with wickets but fine spells for few runs (0- 20 off 6 and 0 – 35 off 8 respectably). Despite the fast turners of taters (great for a non-wicket keeper) the meander continued. Pobs turned to Henners/ H bomb to break the cycle. Woolly hat removed it was a familiar display of tight off spin bowling which yielded the wicket of Walker, a stinging caught and bowled on a cold day, this was our only successful catch, (Henners/H Bomb finishing 1- 13).

The acceleration to the Tilford declaration was facilitated by some superb pace bowling from Groundskeeper Willy. With catching proficiency at a low eb, bowling at the stumps was key and Groundskeeper bowled the resistant Tilford opener Fuller for 61 before trapping their number 7 for LBW. Fine figures of 2-15 off 5. The end was now in sight for the Tilford declaration, Fish took the opportunity to turn his arm over for the peckers for one last time. Spin of different varieties have been provided by Fish, Off spin variety for his final show, no wickets but plenty of bite (0-13 off 3).

This left Cousin David to wrap up the innings which yielded some of the finest shots of the innings. It felt a little late in the day but Tilford finished with a healthy 178 for 5 declared.

Tatas(Taters fiancee), Otto, Beearon and H-Bomb

Lunch was the normal fair of BYO, the showpiece component of which was SP’s fine Bacon and Egg pie baked that morning with the help of his mum on facetime. This really is the SAS of pies: breakfast, lunch or snack its versatility is its strength. All the more impressive was the effort SP had gone to, to write fish on the top of the pie in pastry. I can think of no bigger gesture from one Kiwi to another (they can all do the Haka, not all of them can bake). Perfect timing, Motty and Gemotty arrived at the interval to take their table at the Barley Mow with Tik Tak and Daisy dog for lunch. Supporting the team from the inside of the Pub with roast rib of beef and a selection of fine wines for 4 hours really is the only way to watch Pecker cricket. Motty confessed to enjoying this more “consultative” type role in the team.

Once a few more slices of pie, excellent sausage rolls and M&S chocolate bites were consumed, Cousin David and SP took to the middle for the start of the Peckers innings. David sighted 3 balls before launching a 6 and losing the 1st ball. 2 balls later he did exactly the same, 1st over for 14, pub regulars now cheering, cricket was winning. David genuinely perplexed by why the opposition had not done the same, was he missing something? Was this some form of etiquette? With these questions in his mind he pushed on to smash 26 in quick time and seek to answer the questions with the others in the pub, who were only 20 minutes into their 4-hour lunch.

SP remained at the crease now supported by his countryman and Pie recipient Fish. There are many great sporting friendships: Federer and Nadal, Xavi and Iniesta, Willie Thorne and Gary Linekar. SP had driven Fish to the match, baked him a pie, baked him a pie with his name on it.

Fitting therefore that Fish repaid this debt by running out SP for 10 well made runs with a Yes, No, Sorry Mate.

Moments before the catastrophe (What a setting to enjoy your last Peckers match)

Up until this point, Taters had been casually educating Tatas around the intricacies of Cricket, the eating of tea, the wearing of white clothes, all in 15 degrees of heat with a stiff breeze. Now he joined Fish at the crease and unleashed lusty blows to the leg side, long boundary, the 178-total started to look achievable. Taters would eventually fall to an excellent catch from Fuller for 20 who’s hand had clearly improved from Spinach’s early blow. Tilford stalwarts Rambo and Nigel Martyn bowled beautifully as usual and could have used more help from fielders on a day when everyone was praying a catching wouldn’t descend on their frozen fingers

Fish still at the crease was joined by Karl with a K, 20 overs still to go and 80 runs needed. Post the drinks break, Fish went back and across to a straight one, Spinach left with the tough decision to give him LBW, but tough decisions are what we do, well batted Fish for 33.

H Bomb/ Henners and Karl with a K now with 78 runs to get and almost 20 overs to get them in. As is the case with H – Bomb at the crease, the scoreboard moves in 10 or more after each over. With the left arm opening bowler done for the day, Henners and Karl with a K tucked into their bowling and moved within 6 of the total required with 12 overs to spare. Henners would fall for 40 to a fine catch just before the job was done. This brought skipper Pobs to the crease after having spent a good portion of the innings discussing strategy and tactics under the oak tree of Tilford with Groundskeeper Willy. 2 fine edges saw us home for what was, an easy win, Pobs on 5 and Karl with a K 36 not out.

This left the Woodpeckers to enjoy jugs of ale at the Barley Mow under the canopy of a beautiful pink sky accompanied by Groundskeepers excellent impressions of Gollum. This also gave the opportunity to say some heartfelt words about our departing Kiwi(s?) (SP may also be off in the winter tbc, but may want to depart the peckers on a more glorious note?) Will we ever taste bacon and egg pie so wonderful again? Will anyone in the team pull off a red beanie as effectively? More importantly will we find 2 such great blokes, I suspect not, safe travels gents, you will be missed. Well said Karl, and a fabulous end to what’s been a glorious(if truncated) season