In any other year a cricket game in mid-September would be viewed with slight scepticism as to whether the weather would allow for any cricket to be played. However 2020 has proved to be anything but normal and as it would prove with 25 degree sunshine on the heaths of Headley.
The Pecker’s penultimate game of the season was a short drive out of London on the A3 and upon arrival we were treated to a picturesque ground ruined only by the burger van just across the road.
Soon after our arrival POB and the opposing captain walked out to the square for what is now little more than a ceremonial coin toss. Unfortunately having got a little carried away the day before I was ambitiously hoping that we would be batting and I’d be able to catch a few winks so it was much to my surprise that POB asked myself to open up the bowling with Tiddles.
The Peckers are renowned for many things; their thirst for the Home Counties selection of ales, long herb-infused walks around the boundary and batting collapses, but our ability to hold onto catches is not one of them. So when in the 4th over the outside edge of their opener was found and headed towards SP in the slips confidence wasn’t sky high, but with Shane Warne-esq technique the ball nestled nicely in his hands. This it turned out was SP’s first slip catch of his Peckers’ career (and not his first chance).
Not wanting to get ahead of ourselves in this department a few balls later their other opener chipped one up to POB at mid-on in what could be described as nothing more than a dolly and much to the amusement of the passing cyclists managed to drop it and end up on the floor himself.
Coming down the heath Tiddles consistently put the ball in the right areas and was unfortunate not to find the outside edge on multiple occasions, in his 5th over prised the wicket of their number 3 with a ball that while looked plumb from gulley took their umpire an age to raise the finger. Headley 16-2.
Much to his delight Lav was replaced by the Horse who trotted up the gentle slope bowling some lovely away swingers finding his rhythm nicely. Unfortunately for Tiddles who’d bowled very miserly up until this point their other opener decided to go into T20 mode and his last over ended up slightly ruining the figures. However this change brought the Baron to the fray and almost had immediate success with an ugly hack across the line landing just wide of the fielder. The next wicket was only round the corner and a few balls later he charged down the wicket to a straight one from Horse and the bails went flying.
Being a relative newcomer to the Peckers with seemingly remarkable consistency there are always a number of disagreements during a Peckers fielding display and Headley proved to be no different with Runky upset at POB for his habit of wandering into a new fielding position at exactly the wrong time. B Miles went back to one too many of Runky’s wily grenades and was bowled middle stump.
Another beneficiary of POB’s wandering at mid-wicket was Fish who was not only covering the never ending straight boundary but also deep mid-wicket. When one of their elder statesmen hit it towards the road for what seemed an easy two no one including their younger bat who’d looked very patient facing Baron’s grenades up to this point realised Fish’s prowess in the field. Collecting the ball from the boundary and hitting the stumps on the bounce with the batsmen not even in eyesight. With the scores at 77 – 5 it looked like the game was going to be a rather one sided occasion.
However this wonderful bit of fielding led to two of their senior pros Andy Pickering and Steve Barton coming to the crease and whose partnership of 80 brought the score back to a respectable 157 – 6 by the time they’d departed. Unfortunately the line and length displayed by Groundskeeper had failed to rustle up a wicket and as has often been the case this season H-Bomb’s introduction broke the deadlock. With SP now charging up the hill and with H-Bomb’s darts the last remaining wickets fell cheaply with Headley’s packed full of youth. Headley ending up on 165 for 9. Half time at Headley allowed Horse to fire up the BBQ (this time with permission from the opposition having nearly blown up SW London at Barnes earlier this year) and with Henners’ insistent request for collective meat being listened to, a lovely spread was on offer for tea and throughout the 2nd innings.
Zebra (brother of Horse) resplendent on debut with family in background
Opening up for the Peckers, SP and Botty strode out to the middle with Runky’s batting advice ringing in their ears. Having hit a few lovely strokes for 4 and with Runky offering no advice as to what to do to a full toss unfortunately SP picked out the fielder at square leg.
This brought Fish to the middle, who with Botty went about chasing down the relatively low target with some lovely cover drives from both. A lovely glance off the hip from Fish brought about a 6 into the woods before he too fell for 25 having picked out their fielder at mid-on.
Unfortunately for Headley and a few of the cars parked round the boundary the fall in wickets allowed Botty to get more of the strike and with his eye in and off the back of 70 last week started picking off their bowlers with consummate ease. One straight 6 seemed destined to shatter Groundskeeper’s car windscreen before landing inches short and hitting the sun visor and potentially enhancing the value of the car. This was followed up a few balls later by a smote over midwicket that after bouncing off the pavilion landed a metres away from the Bottmobile. Peculiarly Botty seemed a lot more concerned about the state of his own car than that of Willie’s.
At the middle now after the reeling in of Fish was Zebra, making his Pecker debut - Zebra it seems had allowed his younger brother Horse to have had the tough paper round when growing up. And despite not having picked up a cricket bat for many years immediately hit 3 crisp fours through the offside until he was undone by a straight one by their chucker. Coincidentally this was the ‘only ball’ that Horse had on camera.
Having failed to add to his total runs for the year last week at Peppard, pressure was on Henners not to slip up again and Henners showed very little mercy to Headley’s young bowlers. Dismantling them to all parts in a faultless batting display. Rumours that he was playing for his average must’ve reached the middle as a reverse sweep even made a cameo appearance.
With the Peckers now joined by a trio of spectators in father Totty, brother Motty and his better half Gemotty the scene was set for Botty to see us home before heading off to the West Country. Unfortunately it wasn’t too be with one keeping low and Botty ending up a couple short of the half century.
The Horse, who having manned the BBQ wonderfully for the previous 30 overs might’ve had the state of the sausages on his mind, came out for a brief cameo before POB and Henners ended the run chase having both narrowly avoided getting out to their lovely young leg spinner.
With the weather looking set to change over the coming weeks, the Peckers enjoyed the hospitality of Headley on the outfield to the setting sun and with POB on inter-club relationship building duty came back with an invitation to play at their cricket week on the Friday next year. Another lovely win for the Peckers.
STOP PRESS -Hollywood have got hold of our team shot and cast us for an episode of Miami Vice
Ottoman -The Undercover CIA trying to fit in at a beach resort
Bottovic -His DEA side-kick working the same case
Sanchez -Head of the Columbian Drug Gang
Ramirez -The Miami Vice Hunk moving in on the Otty’s patch (no not you Tiddles)
Cedric Lavington-Smythe -the inexplicable wealthy posh British dude who drives an old red Cadillac and always has a bikini clad Puerto Rican on his arm
Dumb and Dumber -The 2 Pushers Who’ve been using too much product
And The Beearon Von Runky is the Drug Baron we’re all tryna bust