From his pearly vantage point in the St Peter’s Stand, Richie Benaud gazed down upon the lovely riverside setting at Marlow at around 4.30pm on Sunday and his heart fluttered. His eyes were not deceiving him; Marlow’s total stood, like a memorial to the great man himself, at 22 for 2 chasing 222. Marvellous.
How did we get to this piece of cricketing perfection? Well...
Our hosts, the genteel Marlow Park CC, won the toss and put the Woodpeckers into bat on a decent surface surrounded by a well-kept but undulating outfield. Prams and mobility scooters buzzed gently among the trees and the funfair lent a Caribbean lilt to the atmosphere as debutant Irn Bru Stu limbered up with comrade Kamikaze, who is always good for a fashionable 20 or so.
Marlow’s strike bowler sent down a quiet first over and a gentle start was made by all. All except Kamikaze, who scythed four boundaries in quick order and raced to double figures. At the other end, Irn Stu probed for form in his first outing since last summer, and opted for spritely singles and twos with one particularly lovely cut for three to get the scoreboard moving. Sadly, it was more of a splutter as both openers were on their way for 12 and 8 respectively, with Kam knicking off to slip and Irn Stu holing out from a defensive push before either had managed to change gear. Speaking of holes, the Peckers were in one with the score at 23 for 2 after 6 overs.
Fear not, dear Peckers – cometh the hole, cometh the Mole!
Sure enough, in strode our talpidaeic hero to scratch a guard, adjust his sights, and commence what was to be his great dig. The first part of his rescue act was Rootish in its numbers with plenty of 1s and 2s with the odd boundary-finder thrown in for good measure. Second-in-command of operations at this point was another debutant, Tweaker/Tweakle/Tweak-easy Pearce who swung in from the Trash tree that very morning. While Moley tapped away at the bowler’s figures, Tweaker went for the heavy artillery, starting with a lovely cover drive for 4, before firing off several shells in the direction of the pavilion and river. Soon enough, though, the opening bowler Aslam had him caught off a feisty one for a threatening but short-lived 17; Aslam was now well warmed up and firing rockets himself.
In strolled our third debutant, another cutting from the Trash collection, as Diogo Cottrell – fresh from his gap year and not without a dash of the young Nick Compton about his gate and grace – sauntered out to assist with Operation Mole. Good as he looked, Diogo did not last and was soon caught on the cut in the gulley with a quick 7 to his name, which left Trash to clean up what had become a bit of a mess.
Although he may have been missing his old housemate, Traaash was in no mood for small talk with Mole in the middle and let off some big shots before missing a straight one which kept low, he claimed. That said, he was looking up at the sky as it went through so we are not sure he is a reliable source. He departed for 8 and the Peckers opening gambit stood at 76 for 5 off the first 20 overs.
Marlow may have been forgiven for thinking this was going to be a slow morning. They had dealt with the Trash after all, but were not expecting at this point a visit from the Milkman, who stole in quietly and began to take liberties with their domestic arrangements.
We are not sure why anyone would underestimate their milkman, but in this case the opposition are to be forgiven as Milky had to request the wicketkeeper to scratch a guard on his behalf because his bright orange Saucony running shoes were as useless as they looked in the circumstances. Embarrassing stuff, quite frankly, but our Milkybar Kid was more trouble than he looked, and he settled in for a lovely partnership of 60+ with Moley who, by this time, had lost all semblance of patience. He had also begun to find the form that had taken him to multiple Pecker of the Year pennants, and he was now digging like a demented mol...
The glass that seemed half empty began to look half full as Milky Milky and Moley Moley began to churn out the runs in udderly irrepressible fashion. The bowling that had been past-your-eyes (geddit?) before you could see it earlier seemed slightly fuller fat over the seven overs of the Mole-Milk partnership and the score quickly moved onto 130 for 6 by the time Milky was caught for a libero’s 19. Crease occupation was the greater victory at this point as Moley’s eyes were now well in and he was beginning to motor.
Twinkle’s celestial 9 moved the board on with Mole now well and truly up for a scrap. Degsie proved a fantastic foil to the freewheeler at the other end as Mole moved towards and through a quite superb hundred with some massive shots around the ground, including one that almost cleared the pav, another that almost killed a dog, and a thirds that nearly did for an inattentive boundary stroller and her toddler. Degsie compiled a classy 19 in a 10-over partnership that was to be the bedrock to the innings and Molie gave the Umpire Shep something to smile about with a final score of 111. He was marooned at the wrong end as Palmer secured a five-fer and a hat-trick: Degsie stumped, Pobsey caught behind, and Chefrey stumped. Chapeaux removed for the wicket-keeper who was excellent throughout and finished the Peckers off with two stumpings and a caught behind in consecutive balls.
Total: 221. Mole 111 red.
Tea was taken and if tea is your thing, you might have been disappointed as a solitary tray of sandwiches was on offer and gobbled up quickly.
Pobsy chucked the nut to Trash and Degsie as the Peckers set about defending their total with two of their more reliable bowlers. Keeper of wicket Moleman was forgivably fatigued and Irn Stu was given the gloves. After two overs of range-finding Trash took the first wicket with a delivery that was full and challenging, finding the edge of a groping opener’s bat on its way to the reliable hands of Kamikaze stationed at slip. It was a good ball and an excellent snaffle, and the the Peckers were off to a flier.
Degsie soon had the second opener trapped LBW to leave the scores at chwenty chew for chew chasing chew chwenty chew. Unbelievable stuff. Trash and Degsie disposed of bats 3, 4 and 5 in quick succession and the score was 39 for 5 after 11 overs. The pick of the wickets was the last as the spikeless Milky left it lait but managed to scramble backwards from long-on and waited for the steepler to come to earth as all around fell silent, perhaps expecting him to bottle it. Spill it he did not, pouching a very good catch right in front of his mum on the boundary. Sweet!
At this point Pobsie had a call to make. Wrap this up and race home for the 100m Olympic final or give the game a chance. In one stroke, he achieved both by bringing on Tweaker and the Milkman who took the attack to the bats. Tweakie got some real flight and bite and had the batsman groping as he took two excellent wickets with some wristy magic. At the other end, Milky found some real pace, at one point challenging the nose of a helmetless opposition captain who had to take evasive action to preserve his head. He bagged two wickets before the Chef brought out his fixed menu to polish off the last diners. Marlow were all out for 98.
All that was left was for a swift jug or two to be taken in the lovely pavilion before the Woodpeckers, Mount Olympus summited, sprinted off to find a television set.
A POEM, FROM POB
A patient start for the Pecker called Mole
He picked off bad deliveries but stayed in his hole
Of the recognise batsmen he was soon left the sole
As the young Milky Milky strode out to the bowl
At last some bad bowling the Moley took toll
With Deggs hit his hundred, the ultimate goal!