Rotherfield Peppard

The final competitive fixture of the 2021 season, at the much vaunted Rotherfield Peppard in the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside, proved to be a marvellous occasion on a pleasantly warm afternoon, well attended by a number of loyal supporters, most of whom were canines of varying friendliness, who had got there even before their owners, having clearly got wind of the meat feast that was being planned during the course of the day on a well appointed dual BBQ pit that was to prove to be a contender for MVP. The final 11 (or 12?) proved an inspired selection, with two new debutant Hunter brothers adding youthful bench strength to the Peckers squad, hopefully for years to come, and the return of several players who could simply not resist the call to arms, one of whom even plays for our opposition (Richard “badger” Ashton, not to be confused with the other Pecker Badger on the clubs books). The only non Pecker to every come up with a Pecker nickname, and what a beauty…Otto

As with all pecker fixtures, it started with a WhatsApp group, but one with a difference…Our beloved leader, POB, resurrected memories of the erstwhile fixture of legendary repute in 2019, kindly sponsored by our great benefactor, the Dupa, that involved sourcing the finest charcuterie from the local village butcher ( It was noted on the WhatsApp  by Felix the Cat, that Groundskeeper Willie was keen to “volunteer” to make a potato salad , which was news to him, having never cooked in his life… but he duly delivered.  Felix was also responsible for keeping Caius and Groundskeeper up until 5 am the night before the game, having arrived back unexpectedly from Manchester after the test was called off, POB accommodated a 12th.  He should know by now that a cat only has nine lives, and he is getting through them fast (more to follow later…)…Cat… life 1…and 2

The fact that we ended up having 12 players turn up to play on the day, was thanks largely to the persuasiveness of Otto (who sensed that the team clearly needed beefing up with the late recruitment of past pecker hero, Johnners from Doncaster with his three lovely girls, Zoe, Connie and Elsie. He’s worked at HQ for the ECB 17 years now

Johnners with his BBQ Utensil kit including Sausage Clamp -Harry expecting Texas Holdem?

Further recruitment from Groundskeeper, who had groomed the two pre-pubescent Hunter brother debutants during one of his stints “coaching”at their school, though he insisted there had been no “interference”.The problem was that the 12 players did not arrive at the ground at the same time, or indeed on time, to ensure that we could field first (12.30 start) without the need to attempt post-prandial exertion ourselves in the field… this resulted in a phone call to the opposition being planned by POB, at 12.25, to the opposition captain, from an unknown destination that was still some way from the ground, to request they lent us 6 players so we could take the field until our arrival… it took an incredulous sigh from Lupin, Felix’s pooch nestled by Patrick’s feet in the front seat of the car (as Lupin will not sit anywhere else it seems than in the front… life no 3, felix…), that this would really have been taking the piss… so the call was cancelled and our collective fate to bat first was sealed. It was also noted by POB that our arrival was already delayed by the earlier proclamation by Cat, that his pooch need door to door pick up service that added at least a full 2 minutes to the journey…. Life no 4,  

And so to the actual cricket match….the batting order for the peckers was largely decided by who was available and not manning the BBQ (a task graciously taken on by Otto)…Muttley, who had earlier managed to compress a 5 hour work assignment into 15 minutes in order to make the game in time (I’m sure he’ll get a promotion for getting his priorities right!), did a stoic job of scoring 12 off a brisk and talented Rotherfield opening attack, having lost his opening partner, Felix, early on for just one…It was the quickest bowling we’d faced all season and poor Bagpuss really wore a few.

Bagpuss Bruise

The aforementioned departed and bruised opener then grumpily heckled the Peckers top order, in particular Greasy. POB keen for some peace and quiet kindly asked the Cat to umpire and he refused , words were exchanged and cat stopped umpiring after 1 over as he chose instead to wander over to a bench to watch the start of the grand prix on his phone (felix… life no 5)…

Otto started work early and 1st drinks break we had sausages -delicious

 in came Hunter senior (debut nicknamed “seagull” by POB for no fathomable reason, that certainly had nothing to do with the Chekhov play, as some of us had naturally assumed, who managed to make a start before falling to a useful delivery …and then came a solid pecker middle order recovery from Oppo Badger (31), who clearly used his inside knowledge of the bowling attack and wicket, Greasy (24), who was played a watchful knock until being undone by a useful delivery that went through him,s stints “coaching”at their school, though he insisted there had been no “interference”. Obligatory Yorkshire man Rob with a solid knock (20) and Groundskeeper Willie (top scoring with 32), who was clearly buoyed on by the arrival of his mother, “Sweet Caroline”, who would make a fabulous supporting debut. The middle order benefitted from the provision of sausages straight from the BBQ at the 20 overs drinks interval, which appeared to be too hot to handle, a clever ploy by Chef Otto to cause distress to the ability of Rotherfield to bowl the rest of their overs as successfully as they had the first 20. Nevertheless, the Peckers were all out for 148, including the debut of 6ft 6 Hunter junior , debut nicknamed “roof rack”.

This was perhaps a par score (hardly Snax), had we not been about to sit down to the mother of all cricket teas… (in fact there was no tea to be seen - think butterfly legs of lamb,rump steak, sausages, burgers and chicken …), with Pob’s catererers discount of 60%… It was clear to the epicureans on the team, Otto and Snax, what would now be needed … sauces of course… and plenty of them …so work began on the eve of the great fixture to prepare the finest condiments, comprising chimichurri, BBQ, “kebab shop” chilli and mint.and a very decent salad each

Check out that Rump/Butterfly Leg of Lamb

There would be a price to be paid for fielding second on a full stomach…the reverberations would be felt by a number of players during the afternoon session on the field, particularly Muttley and Felix, who were having a private competition at keeper /slip to see whose farts were most evocative of the chimichurri (life 8, Felix?)… the gentle breeze meant that the the umpires were unaware of the chemical warfare being waged by our close in fielders and a change in wind direction meant that, like a herd of stampeding war elephants, the emissions were as fatal to ourselves as to the enemy…

Skipper sensing 148 was below par , Pob lobbied RP’s fun young lads to play “shot Roulette” on their first delivery as they had last year -they were keen and I got RP skipper’s sign-off -Otto bowled a superb opening spell until his groin gave way and we were reduced to 11 men again , having started the innings with only 10…??? The most honourable WAG Gemotty was at the ready on the boundary with the ice pack as Ottos recovery was deemed to be in “good hands”. The bowling mantle was then Greasy took the off stump early but then passed on to Groundskeeper, who ended up with super figures of 2-32. We really came into the game when I got Northern Rob/Johnners into the attack and he bowled a brilliant spell 8 overs 2-19. It seems that our best players on the day were also being supported by MAGs  (Otto/Rob/groundskeeper) At the drinks interval we were perhaps favourites… we had them 80-5, chasing 148.

But then came the fatal error and Snax broke the “golden rule” and the herbage stash was breached on the field, partly in response to the opportune delay after one of the Rotherfield players had to retire with a painful blow to the wrist… the fielding display would then become mixed,… we once again looked to Oppo Badger for inspiration, who took a stunner on the boundary,_ we finally got a wicket from the shot roulette as an attempted reverse sweep/ dill scoop brought us another wicket lbw…and the loudest applause of the day from our lads , Cat got in the action with a quick wicket (but we simply could not budge Scotty-Mr Cricket. Rotherfield achieved their target in the 32nd over for the loss of seven wickets… could Otto’s groin have been the difference? Perhaps we’ll never know… but a well contested game played in the peckers spirit…

L-R Back Johnners, Pob, Muttley. Peppy Badger, Caroline, Snax, Zoe, Elsa, Mid -Connie, Gemotty, Otto + Harry, Groundskeeper, Seagull, Roof-Rack, Bagpuss + Lupin, Caius- Font Greasy + Myrtle -other 2 jack Russels' Myrtles mum and bitchy sister

The after game festivities continued outside the clubhouse for several hours, where “Sweet Caroline” was serenaded for her effort on a superb lemon drizzle cake, and duly rewarded by Pob with a G and T.  It was a day that no one really wanted to end… as we clinged to the last vestiges of a wonderful summer in the fading light.

This was a fitting precursor to next weeks end of season party. Special thanks to Oppo Badger who co-ordinated the off cuts from the abattoir for the BBQ with POB . Welcome new peckers and MAGS…another wonderful day to remember !

Lupin and Harry truffle around for the remains of the day

Tadworth

As the season begins to draw to an end, one might think the final matches to be heavily subscribed, but alas Cousin David’s wedding in Dorset had pulled away a few of our regular players, so we hailed a welcome to three new peckers. Welcome Goose, Caius and Gandhi! Oh and congratulations Cousin and Tamsin! Pob, a truly devoted Captain, managed to make his way back from the weekend of merriment to help the team out or as others had suggested. to give Cat was to have his comeuppance for his seething match report of Dunsfold. I will be sure in this report to sing the praises of our assiduous secretary, I mean Captain!

For once we had a fairly strong batting line up and our leader supreme had been heard to say that this Tadworth team might not be the strongest. POB put us into bat first, with Gandhi and Cannon opening the order. Gandhi is a fine fellow which Cat managed to poach from the Wine trade team and looked the part of a cricketer as he dispatched the first ball for four. Alas the good start was not to continue for long and after a quick 7 he was bowled and replaced by the first branch to my tree, former school mate Caius. Cannon was soon to join Gandhi back in the pavilion after a masterful 1 and Caius too had a brief spell on the square returning with the grand total of quack. After four overs the Peckers were on 12 runs for three wickets. We are usually quite familiar with a middle order collapse, but an opening order collapse suddenly put the blinkers on. Fear not however as we had the reliable Henners and Lav further down the order to bail us out, but not before POB and Groundskeeper took to the crease to try and calm things down and play as many of the remaining 31 overs as possible.

POB managed to make it to double figures, being quick on the singles and hitting a couple of nice boundaries, but his wicket fell to possibly the best ball of the day and he walked back with 13 runs to his name and made way for Henners to show us how it’s done, which he did certainly did, soaring his way to 50 in no less than 30 balls with a couple of huge sixes to help him on his way.

Part of the friendly rules were for people to retire at 50, which Henners brought up with a 6 and strode off Tiddles drew a high card so got to bat 6 but only got 1, and Lav who was feeling the effects of a recent Covid jab made 20. At this stage you might be wondering what had happened to Groundskeeper, and those au fait with his batting would certainly find it hard to believe that he was still at the crease and a few shots away from his first half century for the Peckers. After 55 balls it finally came! Full of jubilation he too was asked to retire making way for Cat and Caius’s uni mate Goose. Cat hadn’t exactly been bigging Goose up prior to this match, but he looked handy with the bat, playing some nice cover drives and totting up a respectable 10 runs.

Cat and Spinach to try and make as many runs as they could in the last six overs or so. Spinach, went in and tried to make £50 of Cannon in attempting to hit a six on his first ball and wasn’t far off, narrowly missing the boundary on the full and having to settle for a four and no monies. Cat was pulling out every feline trick in the book to keep the strike including some reverse psychology which was undoubtedly the reason for Spinach’s departure on seven. Groundskeeper came out of retirement to join Cat until a very grumpy sour puss trundled back to the pav with 27 runs. He was in fits of disbelief after reliable Jim triggered him for LBW. Henners stepped back up to the mark and he and GK saw the last two overs out, GK finishing on 56* & Henners finishing on a mind blowing 76* from only 34 balls! The end of the first innings saw the Peckers on a strong and commanding 227 runs.

H-Bomb and GKW celebrate 50s

Pob decided that everyone should get at least 2 overs and the order ofattack would be determined via his trusty deck of cards which to our delight saw Tiddles and Spinach snuffle the new ball. Tiddles was bowling mean and tidy out swing and hit the stumps after his third ball of the first over and delivered an economic spell of 1-14 of three overs. Spinach, although unable to claim a wicket, was not giving much away either. With three maiden overs in the bag his figures stood at 0-5 off four overs. By this point the best word to describe the energy in the field was lethargic.  

It is very rare in Pecker cricket, to have a successful reinvention of a bowler.,until Cannon stepped up to the mark, his fingers placed ready to deliver some spin. First ball dot. Second ball a peach, a wicket, the bail on the top of off stump hit. Celebration was back on the field. Cannon’s riches didn’t stop there as his second wicket came in his second over to dispel any murmurs of fluke. After his third bonus over Cannon finished on 2-14, with a spell Darling Runky would have been proud of indeed! Gandhi’s card was the next highest as he got his debut wicket. Not only was Gandhi’s bowling effective but his fielding was aggressive and proactive and much needed to make up for a more than a few of us. Pob bowled a tidy couple of overs only going for 5 runs before having a blow. Caius went 0-17 & GK 0-6.

L-R Goose, Spinach, Caius, Pob, Cat, Gandhi, Myrtle, GK, Tiddles, H-Bomb, Cannon, Lav

Lav had two maidens but couldn’t find the wicket in his third bonus over going for 0-1, and so as you can see, Tadworth weren’t scorning but we were struggling to get their wickets. On comes Goose, who finally made the breakthrough. It was a day for the G’s, Gandhi debut wicket, Goose debut wicket and GK first 50 for the Peckers although waiting three years for it!
Cat, a regular opening bowler for the Peckers was yet to get his mitts on the ball. Cat drew bad cards (Karma) sowas batting 10 and bowling seventh change . His bowling was fast and tight and consistently put in a very good area resulting with his first two overs both being wicket maidens with both batsmen being clean bowled by the aggressive puss. 2-6, with Pob suggesting perhaps 7th change was his rightful position.

Last to be given the ball was Henners who cleaned up and saw off the last of the batsmen.76* off 34 balls with the bat only to be complimented with 3-4 off four overs. . Before long the final wicket came, and the Peckers had dismissed Tadworth for 112 runs in only 32 overs. After a natter, a couple of beers and a delightful slice of lemon drizzle cake we pootled back to our various nests, wishing I am sure, that the season wasn’t concluding quite so soon. Thanks again to Pob for organising everything and making sure we had enough players to put a team out. Next up Rotherfield Peppard and then on to the Peckers Peckers. Thanks -Great to bring up our 10th victory of the season, a wonderful performance H-Bomb and great 1st 50 for Groundskeeper Willy (quite a month for him!!)

Brook

After a 2-year absence, it was my absolute delight to be back playing with the Woodpeckers once more. Now residing in the 7th best/worst tax haven in the world I was reading an interview with Joe Root on my flight over to the UK. It struck me that this was quite often how a Woodpecker game would transpire. “As a team, one thing we took away from Lords is we have to be the best version of our team. We do things our way, we don’t get sucked in to playing anyone else’s game and we go about things in our own manner”.

Can a classic Pecker middle order collapse be characterised as going about things in our own manner? Well off to Brook we went to do things our own way. All went according to script; arriving in dribs and drabs, getting confused by the change in dressing rooms, and expecting Patrick to put us in the field. Only two of those happened. After settling on 40 overs and to everyone bowling at least one over Pobs then subsequently lost the toss. We were surprisingly put into bat. The top order of Karl with a K, Garreth “Pirate” Dorree, and Muttley at 3 were the only peckers currently there and so we had our top 3.

Gemotty, Harry and Maggie survey the glorious Brook view

Having read all the match reports in my absence I was looking forward to scoring and watching the sublime stroke play of Karl. But alas after a glorious cut for 4 on the 3rd ball, he didn’t quite time the 4th with such aplomb and toe’d it straight to their man at point. I feel it pertinent to mention how good Brook CC all looked in the outfield with their matching purple caps

So, onto a partnership that had a combined batting average of 4.5 this year. After a somewhat shaky start they seemed to both grow in confidence. When Pirate got to 10, he smiled at me an d said ‘my 1st time in double figures for the Peckers’ The partnership really kicked on after Muttley got a lifeline. He pulled a full toss to deep square leg that was superbly caught with a one-handed diving catch. However, the fielder’s momentum took him over the boundary. 6 runs in the scorebook. Some more driving, prodding, quick singles, and really just sensible batting led to a game changing partnership of 83. The first to fall was Muttley after 20 overs for a useful 33. Woodpeckers 87-2

Having left his Cocker Maggie (on debut) in the able hands of Gemotty & Motty, in strode a confident Cyoungy.  Despite Brook bringing on their two best bowlers, it was nothing he couldn’t handle and began to build a partnership with the now settled Pirate. A further 49 runs were amassed before the pirate eventually fell for his highest score for the Woodpeckers of 58. Not only that but his first 50 since 1998, so he’d definitely been the best version of himself! Woodpeckers 136-3

Pirate doffs his bat for an excellent 58

Next up was Groundskeeper Willie and myself to play a supporting role for Cyoungy and we both put on quickfire 16’s before falling in our desire to up the scoring rate. By the time I had left with around 2-3 overs remaining I think we were on around 209 -5 (I’m no professional scorer but it does help with writing the match report if we try and a least record the fall of the wickets!) 

As we neared the end of our innings Pobsy came in to support Cyoungy who unfortunately was run out for a match high score of 68 with a couple of balls remaining. In strode Snax, who was run out on the last ball after an overthrow and Pobs calling him back for a second. It might not have helped that he ran about 10 yards past his crease for the first single! Woodpeckers 223-6 after 40 overs. Had we been the best version of our team?

Big Merv’s delicious Sausage and Black Pudding Rolls

Tea was unfortunately BYO, but I like to think my biggest contribution of the day was my ample sausage rolls with black pudding. I made 25 for the game (I ate two for breakfast as quality control) Having stayed with Patrick, he reliably said he now knows how to make them so make sure to pester him to whip up a batch for the Peckers Peckers.Surprisingly considering Big Merve, Muttley and Snax were in the 11 no herbal breaks were taken and after a 25-minute break we were back out on the field. The new cherry was tossed to Motty and Groundskeeper Willie. Watching the svelte Motty run in bowling beautiful outswingers was another element of the game I was hoping to see. And he didn’t disappoint, a really tight first 6 overs for a measly 10 runs, with a dropped catch thrown in.

At the other end Groundskeeper was working on his rhythm and promptly found it from about his 3rd over. The first 3 went for 13 runs and his next 4 went for 8-1. This first scalp of the innings was a regulation catch from me at backwards point. Brook CC 37-1 after 12 overs. I hear we haven’t been the best in the field recently. Were we being sucked into playing like Brook and finally being tight in the field?

After his first 6 overs, Motty was given a blow and on came Snax. Despite spending most of the afternoon rolling around stopping the ball with any part of his body except his hands, he stood up and bowled an exceptionally tight spell of 4 overs for 10 runs with a wicket in his 3rd over. This was an even rarer occurrence of a sharp catch by the Pirate in slips. Karl with a K couldn’t hide his exuberance at seeing the peckers finally take a slip catch. Having already seen an unlikely partnership with Muttley and the Pirate we were now seeing an extremely unlikely attack of Snax at one end and Potty at the other. After going for 4 off his first ball Potty ably recovered to bowl a tight line and length to end up with figures of 7 runs from 3 overs. Well done Pottythat was easily the best I’ve seen you bowl. Brook CC 57-2 after 20 overs.

Darling Runky came on at the bottom end and I bowled an over of tripe from the top after drinks. Runky had a stumping in his first over and then had a superb catch taken by Cyoungy at cow corner in his 3rd. This resulted in Brook skipper and dangerman Ward to arrive at the crease with them on 91-4 after 25 overs. For the remaining 5 balls Ward plundered 19 runs from the over, but with the exception of one ridiculously long hit, it was not chanceless hitting.  

L-R from Back -Groundskeeper and Myrtle, Pobsy, Otto, Muttley, Merv, Karl with a K, Pirate, Beearon, Potty, Snax, Cyoungy+ Maggie

Pobsy was now bowling from the top and I caught a large hit from Ward at long on. A brilliant and vital catch by Merv -2 catches and a run out to add to 16 runs and 25 delicious Sausage Rolls Brook CC 114-5 after 27 overs. The dangerman was gone and we breathed an audible sigh of relief. Motty came back on at the bottom end (I always think you bowl better up the hill) and Cyoungy was on from the top end. Tight pressure resulted in a couple of run outs a wicket for Cyoungy and a couple of well-deserved wickets for Motty. Brook CC all out for 174 after 35 overs.Off to the Dog and Pheasant for jugs of Ale (Hogsback TEA and Langham Hip Hop Pale) with the oppo.  I’d somehow forgotten this lovely gem of a pub but it was a great warm up to a curry wonderfully hosted by Potter and Paula to round off a great bank holiday weekend.

When reflecting on the days play it really was a case of individuals being the best version of themselves. Heroes of the day for me were the partnerships of Pirate and Muttley, and Snax and Potty. With an honorable mention for Cyoungy who top scored, gave away nothing in the field, took a great catch and got a wicket! Thanks for another top Sunday of playing for the Woodpeckers and I’ll hopefully be able to make a few more games next year.

Cheers Big Merve

Beearon shows great skill on Potty’s Pool table

Dunsfold

The quaint and picturesque settlement of Dunsfold, adorned in summer’s uniform of luscious green was perhaps the most apt of settings for one of the most unapologetically brilliant games of village cricket I have had the privilege of participating in. On a completely unrelated note, Patrick was on holiday.

The epitome of village cricket in all its splendour.

As we approached the ground, we slapped eyes on our delightful post-match watering hole, The Sun Inn. The pubs namesake, which has eluded us all too frequently this season, was shining down upon us as this week’s rabble of Peckers filtered into the pavilion. With Pobsy on holiday in Benidorm, Motty had been entrusted with leading this week’s cohort. With the start time looming, our stand-in head of state was nowhere to be found. Fortuitously, however, the ever-reliable Horse was on hand to toss off with the opposition skipper and lead us out into the field. With most of the team limbering up, this season’s top wicket taker Spinach could be found on his back, on a bench, staring upwards, desperately trying to dispel a wave of Hundred final induced nausea from the day prior at Lord’s.

The Old Beast had an arsenal of medium paced right arm volunteers ready to choose from but elected to go with the now vertical Spinach and Pug. The economical duo had bowled a couple of overs a piece before Motty sauntered onto the pitch to relieve Horse. Both opening bowlers had good shouts for LBW fall on deaf ears, or perhaps that should be blind eyes, before the duo struck within an over of one another. Spinach forcing one through the defense of the stern faced Dunsfold opener and Pug using the rather agricultural wicket to expert effect, getting a short ball to dig in and balloon up over the head of the luckless batsman and on to the stumps. With the deck proving to be a rather unpredictable surface, the Pecker’s field took on a rather unorthodox look, with silly mid-on and offs in place - Pobsy would have been most dismayed.

Spinach then found the outside edge of the bat, the ball squirting through debutant Will’s hands. The team politely thanked him for his efforts and continued to plug away. Skipper Motty brought himself and Cat into the attack, with the former trapping the remaining Dunsfold opener on the pad just as he was starting to play with menace. Enter the new man, who after considerable bat tapping and few jeers that he would end up in Australia if he persisted any further, was sent back to the pavilion for a golden duck by the Cat. Before long Bagpuss had forced a chance with the batsman sending the second looping dolly of the day into the midriff of our new man Will, who was unable to hold on to this one either. This time there was less courtesy. *N.B. From this point on Will shall be affectionately referred to as Flora or Bert(olli) – named by the disgruntled pairing of Spinach and Cat. *

More wickets, however, quickly ensued thanks to a lethal spell from the newest Pecker prodigy, 9-year-old Chug. Young Chug mercilessly embarrassing Dunsfold batsman and seasoned Pecker bowler alike. By the time his 3 over frenzy was over, Dunsfold were 90-7. Butternut, unburdened by the absence of an overzealous Pobsy telling him to run straight, was also able to get in amongst the wickets. Another Pecker on debut, Ben “Alco” Traas, who had already had a fantastic run-out turned down, started his Pecker career in rather bizarre fashion. As he came in for his first delivery, Alco mistook 3 stump bowling for that with 10 pins, underarming the ball in the direction of the batsman as it fell out of his hand. After the hysterics had subsided, he followed it up with a wicket maiden, making a deck reminiscent of no-man’s-land in the Somme behave like a day 1 wicket at Lord’s. It was the last stand of Dunsfold that frustrated the Peckers, with this frustration manifesting itself in the form of overthrows, or as dear Bumble would put it, Buzzers. Poor Pirate’s tender hands and feet, which he had diligently used for blocking rather than catching for most of the innings, were helpless to the hapless fielding on display. The Dabbler, however, should be exempt from this criticism, holding onto 3 top catches, including one in the unlikely 45 position. By the time the final wicket fell, Dunsfold ominously looked pretty content with the 122 runs to their name.

Alco Traas 2-8 & Butternut 2-12.

A delightful tea, comprising of a wide selection of sandwiches, flapjack and brownies washed down with a wonderfully well-balanced summer fruits squash, was taken in the late August sunshine.

Stand in skipper Motty gets down low for the best view from square leg.

With tea devoured, The Dabbler keen to rediscover his debut form, walked out along with Horse, who was being deployed as batsman rather than a bowler. It was not long before our poor old nag was off to the glue factory, the ball to jagging back off the pitch. Pirate would suffer a similar fate, his timbers shivered without score. Flora found himself being called upon sooner than he may have expected after just the 4th over. Dabbler and Flora both stubbornly dug in on a pitch that was quickly deteriorating. Just as the pair were starting to look settled, Flora was toast, spreading the ball into the clutches of the Dunsfold fielder. The Cat trudged out to join his old school friend. After a few overs, the Cat was out of lives, succumbing to a ball that trickled off his bat and onto the stumps with just enough force to send a bail toppling. As he retraced his steps with a look of disbelief etched across his face, the rest of the Peckers could only laugh. Pug too made a dog’s dinner of his time at the crease as Dunsfold’s quiet confidence with their innings started to become clear.

A dejected Cat after playing on to his wicket.

Alco Traas went to join the battling Dabbler, who as the wickets tumbled at the other end had quietly been keeping the scoreboard moving and the Peckers in the hunt. Alco and the Dabbler both played with a measure and poise that had evaded those who had come before, edging the Peckers towards the required tally. As drinks were taken, and Motty had sent Pobsy an update informing him that Alco looked like he could actually play cricket, he predictably shawshanked the ball into Dunsfold hands and was back in the slammer. With the Dabbler starting to run out of batting partners, he had an uncharacteristically wild over, offering up a hat trick of catches to a Dunsfold fielder who was clearly cut from the same cloth as poor old Flora… all 3 went to ground. Butternut was uprooted after having a look to a straight one, resulting in the second Golden duck of the day. Spinach had a useful cameo, shoring up an end with a huge 6 thrown in for good measure. The omnipresent Dabbler then raised his bat for a resilient and hard fought 50. Spinach was eventually left Popeye’d after failing to keep out a straight one. It was time for our captain to save the day with the Peckers circa 30 runs adrift. A couple of lovely late cuts and a chipped drive back over the bowler’s head had us dreaming as we began counting down the runs. Dunsfold brought back in their opening bowlers, one of whom delivered an absolute jaffa that our skip could have done little about. Out came the last cowboy from the saloon, Young Chug, with the Peckers only a dozen runs from a victory of true grit. The ball was carrying through at around shoulder height for the youngster, but unperturbed, Chug rocked onto the back foot, cutting the ball wonderfully through the covers. With only 9 runs to go the tension was palpable, every Pecker pacing up and down anxiously. Disaster tragically pursued, with a deadeye delivery finding the courageous Chug’s mark and bringing the game to its conclusion, leaving the Dabbler carrying his bat for 66 on the most unforgiving of decks. A truly remarkable innings made all the more impressive when you consider he was the only Pecker to get to double figures. A game of fine margins leaving the Peckers ruing the 10 buzzers they had offered up before tea.  

Dabbler 66* & Spinach 9.

Dabbler carries his bat for 66*.

The Peckers quickly bundled into the Sun Inn’s Garden to drown their sorrows with a rather excellent local Surrey Hills ale called Collusion. It was only in the late evening haze that Spinach realized that Flora was a work colleague of Motty’s and not Cat’s mate from university. This moment of enlightenment was quickly followed by profuse apology for the torrent of chat he had been subjected to over the duration of the day. A brief lull in conversation provided Pirate with the perfect opportunity to announce that as his other half was away, he would be going home to put some adult entertainment on his TV and some frozen peas on his feet. And it is with this harrowing image we leave you. Up the Peckers.

This week’s cohort from back to front: Pug, Butternut, Spinach, Horse, Cat, Alco Traas, Pirate, Chug, Motty, Dabbler and Flora.

Teddington

On Sunday the Woodpeckers returned to Bushy Park and Teddington Cricket Club for the 8th time in their (known) history. After a long period of uncouth weather the forecast was for dry and bright. If only the same could be said for the Woodpecker party headed for TW11.

This photograph not only captures the team and the new TCC clubhouse in their physical form, but also captures the day in a more symbolic sense - quite blurry for most of us and any Peckers not monstrously hungover spent most of the day otherwise distracted by an errant hound.

Four of today’s Peckers have spent some yesterdays as Teddington players; our dear Baron von Runkle played there in the 70s and hosted Jack Frost fixtures there in the 80s, in the 90s Motty, Botty and Muttley all played colts cricket there and senior cricket well into the naughties. It’s because of this friendly connection past and present that the Woodpeckers are given the honour of opening Teddington’s cricket week each year with this fixture now sitting at the start of eight days of back-to-back action. A veritable daisy chain of cricket, if you will.

A Pecker Packer packed full of pickled peckers. Imagine ze stench! (cat was complaining for the last few miles that he may soil himself)

Many Teddington club stalwarts return to play us as their only fixture for the season, such is the nature of league cricket many of our old friends don’t appear as much as they would like at their club but enjoy this annual run out. Maybe we play it in the right spirit, maybe we’re seen as a good chance for a red inker. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

Despite this, Teddington were short a few on Sunday and at 1 o’clock we had more dogs present than they had players. An even match seemed unlikely. Teddington Legend James Keightley and a talented young 2nd XI batter were in the nets behind the pavilion giving some young Keightleys a net on a sunny Sunday morning, and were immediately recruited - there are some benefits to being a league club. Suddenly the game was on.

A rather cry croaky voiced POB (from a Saturday leading the barmy army at Lord’s) surprised everybody by proclaiming that we would have a bat first. This didn’t have the desired calming affect on what was admittedly a rather tired and dishevelled looking 11 and immediately hangovers were compared to determine who should go out and face the chin music and who could sit in the shade for another 10 or 15 minutes and perhaps get a pint in and some pork scratching mini cheddar combos on board (thank you Cousin).

A note on the setting if you haven’t been to Teddington for a match or even to Bushy Park then you really are missing out and must come and play next season. A Royal Park and former hunting ground of Henners the VIII, this corner of south west London is not lacking in beauty, class and Great Big Bloody Deer roaming around. Teddington have been there for over 100 years and until very recently had two dilapidated old missen huts stapled together as a rather delightful and homely pavilion. TCC captain for the day Matt Rees has overseen a remarkable upgrade in facilities and what stands now is a multi award-winning architectural masterpiece clad in local oak and serving delicious ale (London Pride from the keg, cold and frothy) with large changing rooms and hot showers (Runky was delighted), but perhaps slightly lacking in that comrfoting odour of deep heat and stale piss.

And so, to the cricket. After lengthy negotiations Cousin De La Daviide Karl with a K, Groundskeeper Willy and Felix the Cat were nominated as The Opening Foursome.

Questionable wheels. Great knock though.

So out strode Cousin and Karl, Cousin in a pair of rather questionable black golf shoes, Karl looking every part the seasoned professional with white clothes on. They started very well playing the ball confidently from what was clearly a very good wicket, as we always get here at Teddington - there are some benefits to being a league club. With a score at 39 the opening pair had just started to cause confident noises from the rest of us. Unfounded of course, as Callum Manson (no relation) grabbed a debut TCC wicket tempting Karl with One That Nipped Back (“a bloody good ball actually”). In strode GKW, confident and full of joie de vivre from his recent exploits and he played the ball like a man who’d always felt he could Do A Job At Three if only he had the faith of his skipper. For many reasons, today felt like his time. 

That faith, ultimately, was also unfounded, and out strode Felix somehow looking more hungover than he did half an hour previously. To be fair to Felix’s Monumental Night Out started on Thursday afternoon, took in a day at Lord’s, several lunches and finished at The Grosvenor Casino in Kensington High Street at 3 o’clock this morning. I would be dead. Felix however is made of sterner stuff and Hung Around Gamely for a few overs carving the ball to all parts. Unfortunately for the Cat, first-team captain was brought into the attack third change - there are some advantages to being a league club. 

This brought Botty into the fray at 80 for three with Cousin well set on 30 odd and the game very well balanced. Cous rose to the challenge and immediately started smiting the bowling to all parts with a batting display that wouldn’t have been out of place for the Southern Braves. He raced past 50 and with Botty adding confidence at the end of each over looked set for a second Peckers century.

Alas it was not to be, One Too Many Lusty Blows and Cousin fell on his sword for 80. As he approached the oaken clad open clad pavilion we clapped him off, he said “I’ve never been clapped off before” - it does make you wonder what we did when you actually scored a ton. Never mind, Botty hung around with the Impressively Long Tail before falling for 33 vital runs to make way for the long and proud tradition of a calamitous Peckers collapse. Woodpeckers closed their 40 overs on 202-8.

We know how you feel, Myrtle.

Doughy tea.

Tea was a hangover-reducing carb fest with an excellent array of sandwiches (including smoked salmon and roasted beef) and an Indian medley of vegetable samosas, onion bhajis and vegetable pakoras.

Only slightly less doughy than Pujara’s five hour fourty-odd at Lord’s but equally as successful in the end…

And so the bowling. Set a competitive but very gettable target of 203 Teddington sent out the brothers Gujral - two bright young Colts, technically fantastic All High Elbows and good feet movement, definitely great prospects for the future. It was great to see them being given some time on a Sunday fixture to learn new elements of the game from some old lags. One of those realities is that no matter how high the elbow, you are always in danger of being bowled by a ball much slower than it looked by a 40 year old much more hungover than he smells.

The two early wickets brought two more seasoned Will Greenall and Harry Lloyd to the middle who quickly Looked In Control Of Things. Motty (6-1-12-2) and Felix (5-1-18-0) huffed and puffed but couldn’t blow anything else down and so POB brought in GKW and Tiddles for a gambol. Darling’s first ball was a gem, pitching outside off causing Greenall to leave it, only to watch the ball Clip His Off Bail. Teddington kept up with the rate and some fairly ropey ground fielding did quite a bit to encourage them that was still very much on. We had several canine related stoppages as Billy seemed keen on fielding at extra cover, Myrtle wanted to be close to Groundskeeper and Momotty’s dog roamed off into the wolds of the Park. Otto directed to poor Gemotty as she spent much of the innings chasing woofers all over the park.

Tiddles’ fine display of controlled off cutters and away swing finally brought a mistake from H Lloyd as he mis-hit one to Motty at deepish mid-on who juggled a catch to end his innings on 39. Tids (6-0-29-1) had his extra over but couldn’t repeat the magic. Runky was late to the party as he was insistent he should bowl downhill with the wind with a short leg-side boundary, whilst our plethora of medium toil up it. Normally I will let him got on a 60-40, but I felt very strongly that Runky uphill and Seamers down it was the way to go. After some bickering to entertain the troops, Runky accepted… Runky weaved his magic, picking up two wickets in his game changing first over.

At the other end POB mixed it up following the rule that everyone had to bowl an over, firstly Butternut (2-0-4-0) then Karl (3-0-13-0) and then himself (2-0-6-1) to finally wrap up the innings with the father of the openers Gujral well caught by Cousin at a sort of deepish mid-wicket.

The bowling performance (ironically from the ‘wrong’ end) perhaps of the season from Runky who’s proximity to the ground must have done something to calm his nerves ready for his Michelle.( summering in Hampton Court before the winter in Madeira, m’dear) 6-0-18-5 are an excellent analysis in any cricket, but moreso on a flat batters paradise against good opposition. That said, there isn’t much of his unique brand of herbal fingerspin in the Middlesex Prem, so perhaps there aren’t that many benefits to league cricket after all.

Woodpeckers win by 65 runs.

Post match we stayed for several jugs of ale and small sing song before being bundled into taxis and off in search of greener wickets in Battersea, with some success if Whatsapp is to be believed.

Marlow Park

After a weekend of sporting highs and lows the main event took place at Higginson Park Marlow as The Woodpeckers flew into town to take on the heavily South African biased Marlow Park. Weather against the odds was set fair, the pitch spicy and damp and the grass long. 

A usual contingent of Woodpeckers led by Paddy, supplemented by the Marlow contingent of Donny ‘ Metal Micky , Milky Milky and Mr Skinner took to the field. A good toss to win saw the Park put into bat and the match started promptly at 1pm.

Peppa came to Marlow too and loved her play-date with Bila and Ziggy, and I enjoyed staying with my oldest mate Don and family in Marlow

There was an early wicket for Tiddles as Lav got his first touch with a low catch at cover. Lav in spite of wearing designer trainers bowled tidily and sharply and induced a faint edge from the hard hitting opener Ikky Ikram caught Lambert bowled Lavers for 11.

At 29/2 the Peckers had a number of chances to make further inroads as the ‘Tiddles in the Lav’ combination took advantage of the spicy conditions, We again managed to drop quite a few chances - and we could have been granted a stumping on another day. Park captain Brent Lombard rode his luck and struck the ball cleanly to race to 50 with his fourth six and Marlow raced to 80-2.. The Beearon broke the partnership though removing Goosen, and. Young Leo’Milky Milky’ Pennant got his reward with one that reared of a length and caught the edge.He’s mainly a hockey player and we wish him well with his England trials next week..

90-4 at drinks and as the bowling battalions looked unusually light we did a keeping switcheroo -Lav for Lamby. We had a thrifty three overs before Lombard really began smashing into our Milky Beearon combo, striking. 41 off 4 overs and at 137-4 in the 27th, it looked ominous for the Peckers . Lav had accepted the gloves from and returned the favour to Lamby , as skipper Brent finally edged behind caught Lavers bowled Lambert for 86.

Runky snaffled two more quick wickets (3-42), Lamby bowled an excellent spell(2-16 0ff 6) and bowled Donovan, Cannon showed some rhythm and chipped in with a cheap wicket , and then the man who began it Tiddles wrapped it up with one ball to spare. Badger got off the ‘drops’ with a tidy take on the boundary, I think he prefers it out there as he had a good truffle around in a hedge earlier. Special mention to our two tidy keepers Lav and Lamby and a rock solid bowling performance as we restricted Marlow to just 42 runs on the last 13 overs, and they finished on 179 all out. It was a competitive score on a tricky wicket , but it could have been much less with more ‘ball to hand’ and ‘finger to sky’

From L-R B-F, . Lav,Metal Mickey,Peppa, Pobsy, Tiddles, Beearon, Cannon…Macca, Mr Skinner, Milky Mikly, Badger, Lamby,

Last year at Marlow Park we were chasing 221 on a drier wicket, and had collapsed from155-3, to lose a thriller by three runs Our batting lineup couldn’t have been described as deep, but the unlikely opening combination of Macca and Cannon saw off the new ball well before both being bowled for a handy dozen runs each . Badger was more aggressive and hit a quick fire 26 and he and Lamby(13) put on 44 before three more Peckers clean bowled left us reeling on 106-5. .

Lav was joined by the Captain at the crease the pair set about knocking off the remaining 74 runs. Deft hitting, brilliant running and aggressive stroke making saw the winning runs hit with 5 overs to spare. A stunning 76* from Lavers rightly earned him MOM but the superb supporting 26* from Paddy was crucial in putting to bed the bitter memories of last year.Fortunately Metal Mickey,Skinner,Tiddles and Runky were not called upon to swing the willow. 

Our opposition were generous in defeat and beers and pizza were shared as the sun set on Higginson Park. The audible South African accents tended to dwell on next week's decider rather than the awesome and dominant cricketing masterclass put on by The Woodpeckers. Well done boys. It was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon and good luck in your forthcoming matches.

Well done indeed a great team effort (around Lav) and breaks the season sequence…WWWLLLWWWL….W

Outwood

"You can't win anything with kids" Would Alan Hansen's infamous 1995 statement be proved correct?

With an average age of 29.5** the Peckers descended on The Bell in picturesque Outwood to hydrate before taking the field in searing temperatures - very reminiscent of the scorcher that was Barnes Common 2020. After hearing the all too predictable news that the Peckers would be fielding first, the team dragged themselves to middle armed with a plethora of right arm medium pacers and not a cloud in sight. I lost the toss kindly!

Badger arrives at Bell, half ready for duty

Spinach started quickly, finding the edge with the first ball of the match, a tough chance which evaded Badger's paw at first slip. Three balls later however Spinach snaffled the first of his two Crawford victims LBW. He followed this up with the second Crawford in the fifth over, another LBW, leaving Outwood 16/2. Motty kept things tight from the other end which was quite a feat on a pitch that was giving no help at all to the bowlers. However, as the first much needed drinks break crawled closer, the second of three father-son combinations in the Outwood line-up (the Cleavers) started to put the pressure on the tiring Peckers and put on 62 runs together.  

Greasy and Cat were brought in to give the openers a well-earned break and it was this change that broke the Cleaver father-son partnership. Greasy bowled Cleaver Jnr for 23, a well-deserved wicket, whilst at the other end Cat took a nasty glancing blow to the head which left an imprint of the seam on his forehead! Cat nodded it beautifully over the bar, and It almost reached me at mid-off!

Greasy's tight line and length brought another wicket with Dill taking the catch. A special mention to Cat here for bowling an 8 over spell in the 30+ degrees - fantastic effort. Only went for 23 runs too, most economical Cat 

As it is Sunday cricket, POB thought it best to give wicketkeeper Lamby a bowl, with Badger taking the gloves. Another successful bowling change at both ends with Butternut dismissing Baldry LBW for 18 before Lamby finally removed Cleaver Snr for 67, Dill with his second catch, leaving Outwood at 147/6.  

Unfortunately, the heat had taken its toll on Peckers and things unravelled slightly, a quickfire 43 off 22 balls and a 37 off 14 from Outwood's 6th and 7th batsmen left the Peckers looking at a chase of 241.  

Shade was sought for hopefully the final BYOTea of the season and we could finally enjoy the setting of this wonderful cricket pitch surrounded by National Trust woodland away from the scorching sun. As Macca and Badger made their way out to the middle the clouds arrived, if only POB has checked the forecast like ??? . Macca left, defended, played and missed the first over against Outwood's 1s bowler whereas Badger at the other end started rapidly, hitting his first 3 balls for four to really emphasise the gulf in talent between the opening bats. If the first over faced by Macca was sketchy the second and third were an even more painful watch, he was finally bowled on his 20th ball for a duck. In strode Cat to try and continue 2021 as being his year with the bat and things started brightly with the two mammals reaching pushing the team's total up to 50 without much danger. 

L-R from back Dill, Spinach, Pobsy, Greasy, Otto, Lamby, Badher, Cat, Butternut, Macca, Jockie

On came Gareth , a South African ringer wheeled in for the day who gave hardly anything away and after his spell of 5-1-4-2 had bowled Badger for 40 and Cat for 15. Another fine innings from Badger who when he doesn't get a duck seems to always contribute a decent amount - feast or famine! As has been the case this year a Covid dropout from Groundskeeper Willy left POB scrabbling around for another player (preferably a batsmen), and Spinach delivered by providing Jocky on debut, who was supposed to be a keen supporter only. Coming in with Lamby, Jocky lasted only 3 balls before being caught for nought (number 2 for the innings - keep counting...) Lamby and Dill stuck around admirably, keeping the scoreboard ticking over with quick singles, interspersed with the odd boundary which was impressive given the still sweltering heat. However, it was to be their downfall as Lamby was run out coming back for a rather suicidal second for 18. After Dill was caught for 10 Greasy and Otty came together for a brief but entertaining partnership with plenty of swinging. 

Dramatic overheating can also lead to heatstroke, symptoms of which progress from confusion and irritability to hallucinations. This can be the only explanation to what Otto did next. Having hit the ball directly in the air, Otto wandered directly underneath it as keeper and bowler converged. "I thought I was the fielder trying to catch it!" he exclaimed as the ball harmlessly dropped in the middle of the square. Acknowledging he had obstructed the fielders he started to walk off before being called back by the Outwood skipper.  

After Greasy was caught for 8, out the skipper strides, the "experienced" head, declaring that we only needed to go at 14 an over. Back he went the next ball (duck number 3), the heads fell and the inevitable happened. First, Spinach was caught for the Peckers fourth duck of innings, even with some generous umpiring from square leg saving him from two stumpings. Then, to round things off nicely Butternut was bowled for the final wicket and fifth Peckers duck. A defeat of 100 runs. 

Before the match Spinach couldn't contain his excitement that he had directly provided 7 Peckers (Badger, Butternut Lamby, Dill, Macca, Jocky on debut and Spinach himself), so much so he threatened a coups d’état. Thankfully for POB, four of them failed to trouble the scorers. 

A hugely deserved win for Outwood who had just the right combination of youth and experience! This was a brilliant performance by Outwood with bat, ball and their fielding was faultless. They were due a win against us and delivered it in some style -Well Played! Pecker Season Form Figures now read WWWLLLWWWL…let’s hope to break the pattern at Kew kindly.

Outwood 241-7 beat Woodpeckers 127 by 114 runs Badger 40, Greasy 2-27

Spinach’s Magnificent 7!

Latymer Old Boys

The sporting summer of 2021 has been gradually building to a crescendo, with Euro 2020 spoiling us with some wonderful fixtures and upsets, leading many people to believe that football could well and truly be on it’s way home, while Wimbledon 2021 has given rise to a new star of British tennis and England have thrashed Sri Lanka in their latest series. However, fans across the country were in for yet another emotional rollercoaster with the Peckers’ first fixture against the Latymer Old Boys, Henner’s alma mater.

Continuing the theme of recent weeks, the Peckers descended on Dunsfold CC through intermittent heavy showers and patchy sunshine, with many panicked whatsapps being fired around to see whether the stoic Pob would look to call things off..“Child’s play compared to what we played in last week” he said, and any hopes that Horse had of a day of rest after a brutal two day stag do and a week of heavy boozing at the Oval and Wimbledon were quickly dashed.

To further add to the pre-match drama, Badger and Macca were struck down by a COVID outbreak, rendering them unable to play and leaving Pob, Spinach and Dill (who was initially attending as a spectator) without a lift. Fortunately Horse bravely stepped in on his hangover from hell to give them a lift in the horse-box and ensure that the Peckers could field 10.

Whilst the outfield was squelchy in places, fortunately the wicket had been covered and the forecast just about in our favour, the game was on. After winning the toss POB put the Old Boys into bat on what was a low, slow and unpredictable track… What then ensued will live long in the memories of those who were lucky enough to be present that day. 

L-R Back Lamby, Horse, Pob, Karl. Beearon, Muttley, Dill, Spinach, Henners, Greasy

In what must go down as one of the greatest opening spells in Peckers history, Spinach (4-14) claimed a wicket with the first ball of the match, knocking back the Latymer opener’s off peg and sending him on his way for a humiliating golden duck. He continued to keep things tight in partnership with Greasy (3-6) who also bowled an admirable opening spell to remove batsmen 2, 3 and 5 in quick succession. Unfortunately Spinach fell just short of what would have been a magnificent first Pecker Michelle, but it was not to be.

The pair were finely supported by Muttley behind the stumps, who took what must have been the finest catch of his career of Spinach’s bowling, diving to his right after being wrong footed to cling onto an edge from one of the top order batsmen.

With the Latymer dressing room reeling and the sound of wickets falling accompanied by the soft hiss of yet another beer being enjoyed by the Latymer fallen, Lamby (1-3) on debut claimed a wicket with his first ball only to be pulled from the attack 2 overs later. The Peckers had ripped through the top order to leave Latymer 16-8 and in desperate need of a few runs to make a day of it.

Fortunately, Pob obliged and brought on Runky (0-28) for a tough spell with a wet ball in what can only be described as driving rain at times, where he had the task of bowling to a well built, rather unorthodox batman with a great eye and a healthy appetite for anything short of a length. He was rather unlucky to go home empty handed due to a dropped catch by Dill, who had a rather eventful debut (sliding around in the field in his tennis shoes) and deservedly claimed the “Most Enthusiastic Fielder” award.

Henners wasn’t his usual self and struggled to make an impact with the ball, perhaps feeling the pressure of playing against his old school, leaving him with figures of 1-22 from his 3 overs. Horse (0-14) was employed as a spinner also bowled a tidy spell, all things considered, and was relatively unlucky not to claim a wicket.The result of all this was a lot of tail wagging and a partnership of around 80, meaning that Latymer had set the Peckers a target of 108 to win from their 35 overs.

Greasy and Lamby trudged out to bat after tea with their sights set on knocking off a small, but challenging total which was enthusiastically and vocally defended by the Old Boys

Greasy-Lamby opening combo

With the ball sticking in the wicket after the afternoon of intermittent showers and an incessant stream of terrible chat from the Latymer team (much to Runky’s disgust), there was little fluent stroke play to speak of, but Greasy and Lamby managed to put on a healthy 21 for the first wicket, before Greasy was bowled playing down the wrong line to a straight one. 

Karl with a K came out with high hopes but unfortunately feathered his first ball through to the keeper, leaving the Peckers 21-2 and the Latymer Old Boys jubilant. Henners, keen to make amends after a rather underwhelming spell of bowling, played some good looking shots, including a couple of mighty drives over long on, but unfortunately fell for 7, chancing his arm one too many times on a wicket that wasn’t conducive to aggressive strokeplay.

108 seemed like a mountain to climb from 37-3, but the Peckers middle order sprung into life, with the enthusiastic Dill scoring 9 on his debut (only his second innings in the past decade) only to be given out LBW by Greasy to one that turned square from the Latymer off spinner (despite Runky’s vocal protests from square leg umpire). Lamby (30) was unfortunately bowled by one that pitched short and rolled from the off spinner, leaving the Pecker’s tail to wag to get the job done. A brilliant debut knock by Lamby-chanceless till bowled by a Grubber

Fortunately, a rather reluctant old Horse was dragged out to bat, hanging around for an excellent 23*, despite the fielding side dropping him 4 times, to help see the Peckers home through a nail biting finish, ably supported by Pob (4), Muttley (1) and Spinach (1*). The Peckers had scratched their way to 108-7 and a win that will at the very least give Henners bragging rights over his old school. Our heroes read like a menu in a French Restaurant, Lamb, Horse and Greasy Spinach..with a sprig of Dill x

Horse sees us home valiantly, ably supported by a random spectator

Blackheath

A friend living in Dubai told me about the concept of ‘cloud-seeding’ used in the UAE. This is another heady concept adopted by the Emirs to address their lack of fresh water, by which rain clouds are artificially created by specially adapted planes spraying specific chemicals at altitude. Amazingly, the project has been a success, even resulting in some of the Gulf’s worst floods in recent years, albeit at a cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars per flight. So that answers the question as to whether you can create rain. However, conversely, how do you stop rain, even if only long enough to squeeze in a quick game of Sunday cricket? Answer: save your petrodollars and just wheel out Patrick with a heady mix of grit, stubbornness and a frank refusal to look facts in the face. It works a treat.

Sunday saw our annual match against Blackheath, Surrey, local ground for your scribe and the erstwhile Pecker Ed Behn / Big Dutch / Turncoat, more of which later. The forecast was abysmal, and the rain pretty much lived up to its billing. We did, however, start on time against Blackheath’s blend of seniority, 1st teamers, one Turncoat and two very young youngsters. Last to arrive was Henners, fresh from a hospital appointment to check the latest imminent Pecker’s 12-week scan. Huge congratulations from all Peckers to Henners and Sam on this fantastic news. We were wonderfully supported on the boundary by the Spinach clan, numerous Gowars (with Horse and Zebra offspring looking good in the nets) and the local Puglets and Puglettas.

L-R -Greasy(+ Hoover), Pirate, Pob, Groundskeeper Smigel, Pug, Horse, Zebra, Otto. Middle Order- Spinach, Meakers/Peaches, Henners/H-Bomb Front Row - Freddie Boom-Boom, Hazza and Happy Jack

We were put into the field in a 30 over game, reduced in an effort to beat the weather. Spinach opened the bowling up the hill in front of the family and bowled a super spell (3-15 off 5), castling one opener third ball with a leg-cutter. He also accounted for the other opener with a very slow slower ball, and went on to bowl No.3 Lewis to leave Blackheath three down for not very many (scorebook lacking the details). Motty opened downhill alongside Spinach and was luckless in his tight spell (apart from the occasional audible “Oh FFS” as he sprayed one down leg past the flailing Pirate). Pirate had a tricky job to do given the conditions and variable bowling, but his teammates ribbed him mercilessly nonetheless as he gradually got the hang of taking the ball cleanly.

Vickers (a cricket coach at the local RGS) was in good nick at 4 and launched Pug’s first ball into the pine trees. The Turncoat came in at No.5 and also started brightly against Pug (in his first appearance of the season, very much a Blackheath Specialist ™) and Groundskeeper Willy. However, unfortunately for Turncoat but fortunately for Pug, he mistimed a pull at another long-hop and Henners took a good running catch at mid-on. The Turncoat turned and got his coat (it was now spitting again). Skipper Ronny Harrison, meanwhile, took a liking to our bowling, and to Meakers’ dibbly-dobblers in particular. After an expensive start, Meakers got his man when he floated a rank full toss and Ronny was aghast as he smacked it straight at Pug in the covers who somehow held on. With Ronny gone for an admirable 39 and Vickers bowled by a Groundskeeper pearler for 30, Blackheath were struggling to post a defendable total.

At the 15 over mark, the heavens opened again and both sides took shelter. The covers went on (at POB’s insistence) and it rained. And kept raining. It was still only about 3.30 pm but the home team were keen to call it quits at this point and tried to convince Patrick, who was by now resorting to hiding from Ronny behind a tree to avoid any such decision. Nick Harrison, Blackheath’s Chairman, manfully took to soaking up the water off the ground covers and was as keen as POB to complete the game. When the clouds did part, momentarily, Nick and Patrick agreed that if it did stop raining for the next 30 mins, play could resume. The forecast was now showing 90% chance of rain, prospects were bleak and there was a certain amount of grumbling on both sides about the wisdom of persevering. The forecast was poor all day, but what kept me going was the Rainfall Radar on the Met Office App showed only showed sporadic rain

Blackheath Chairman Nick Harrison doing a great job with the big Mopper

However, such is Patrick’s doggedness and good fortune, the rain held off, all players helped remove the covers and play thankfully resumed (albeit reduced to 25 overs per side). Several players from both sides had to change back into their whites, assuming common sense would have prevailed - but no, not on Patrick’s watch.

Next man in for Blackheath was 12-year old Chug (son of Pug) (another turncoat in fact, but we’ll go easy on him and pick on Big Dutch instead). Chug has thankfully been taught to bat by coaches other than his father, and played with admirable patience and timing, and finished with 27 n.o.

What started as generous off-spin from the likes of Horse and Greasy was gradually cranked up a gear, and by the end his father, for one, was genuinely trying to get him out. Blackheath walked off with 147 off their 25 overs.

In the absence of any match tea and an eagerness to beat the forecast return of the rain, our opening pair of Horse and Greasy headed out in light drizzle. Horse didn’t trouble the scorers for long, neither did the Pirate at 3. Greasy played well for his 25, including an admirable run 4 that almost finished off the poor Pirate. Henners played in usual fashion and dispatched his first few deliveries into the pine trees on the long square leg boundary (with short-pitched and full deliveries treated in identical fashion). However, perhaps distracted by the enormity of impending fatherhood, he nicked off for 22, and it was game on. I have been playing for the Peckers since 2004 and I know a Peckers collapse when I see one, and this was definitely a Peckers collapse. Both Zebra (brother of Horse and another local) and POB fell cheaply to Sam Behn (aka Samsterdam). Like Chug, he is also just 12 years old and he floated his leggies bravely to take 3-18 off 4. Given he usually bowls off 18 yards with a smaller ball (and one that doesn’t need toweling down after each delivery), this was super stuff.

Amongst this familiar collapse, however, was Meakers, another Blackheath Specialist ™ who provided fantastic control and kept the run-rate ticking over. He launched a magnificent six over long-on, something he later claimed to have never done before. Life in the old dog yet. However, he was running out of partners as Spinach also fell LBW to young Samsterdam (triggered by a giggling Henners who offered no apology), Motty was stumped off Chairman Nick and Groundskeeper was out so quickly that Pug, at 11, was still putting his spikes back on as Groundskeeper trudged off. All this time the rain steadily fell, but there was no sign of anyone wanting to come off. A steady rota of Peckers took their turn to umpire in the rain, each one armed with a pint of Hog’s Back TEA to lift the gloom.

Pug and Meakers, who have been pals since heady days of Bristol Uni in the mid-90s, clearly enjoyed being in the middle again together. By now, the ball was soaking wet, as were the fielders, and Meakers looked like he had fallen into a lake. The score stood at 112-9. The Blackheath Specialists ™ went about knocking off the required 36 runs with a mix of madcap singles and lusty blows, and gleefully reached their target with an over to spare. Meakers, who batted superbly in his first game for two years, finished on 44 n.o. and Pug walked off in front of the family with 17 n.o. to his name. I was lucky to watch the incredible finish next to Ella Pugh, Meakers’s god-daughter and also a very keen cricketer

Soggy handshakes all round, and a quick decamp to the temporary marquee outside the pavilion where more pints were happily shared with the oppo, even with Turncoat.

MOM shared between Meakers for his knock and POB for ensuring the game went ahead at all. Marvellous efforts from both.

Blackheath 147 off 25 overs, Woodpeckers 148-9 off 24 overs.

Our real heroes Pug and Meakers who put on 38 for the final wicket and pulled off a miraculous win

Chiddingfold

Match report by Baby Peckerdown. 

Dear Peckers, I am delighted to announce that the folk of Chiddingfold are abuzz with the latest gossip and it is my honor to impart to you: The Peckers have seen and have conquered once more.

As a virgin to the whole experience, I did well to avoid many things, but alas perhaps not the most challenging of circumstances – writing a match report about a cricket match involving unknown players with a minimum of 1 real name and 2 nicknames…. 

Let’s start at the beginning, and it was a lively one with both Spinach and Turnip steaming in. From behind the stumps balls were flying around the field and even Roger the self-proclaimed Peckers very own Jonty Rhodes offering little protection for the boundary rope.  

Even Spinach’s inability to understand the concept of a gentle return to the keeper after an easy single, preferred to blaze the ball for overthrows. As the newbie the aggressive response by Pobsy was nothing short of all war, but my concerns of a bust up swiftly eased by my new best friend and clearly separated at birth brother Botty – more on this later. 

With the Peckers fielding offering little resistance next came a moment of sheer genius when what I can only explain as a ‘Dumbledore of a figure’ emerge from the Pavilion to stride to the middle. Greeted by shouts of “you have 12 fielders already” the tranquillity was broken, but the home side soon had egg on their face when they realised the 12th man was actually their umpire dressed in full whites. The peckers however now had their man and Runky the secret weapon locked and loaded. We had been fielding with only 10… The full complement on the field Captian Pobsy’s war cry was now answered by Turnip who fired a ruthless legside delivery only for the opener to give it a tickle leaving yours truly to do the rest… The peckers had their start.  67-1 off 8 overs, and we were worried about a big score building

Now as the keeper elect for the week it’s nice to know what a bowler is about to do and with the secret weapon read to unload Botty prepped me for what was about to come. Steaming down the hill Runky gave the teenagers a torrid time, 8 overs straight of dazzling and confusing the kids a luckless spell by Runky was complete for only 22 runs. The fightback beginning he even managed time to stare down a 13 year old who I hope one day will get over it and hit the ball off the square once more.

 At the other end a refreshed and revitalised Henners found his touch with the ball, the Woodpecker Elect curse banished, perhaps by Dumbledore, who knows… but he was on fire. 3 wickets and another catch by yours truly had Chiddingfold gasping for air.. The wicketkeepers union that was forming behind the stumps was momentarily put on hold for a lively spell as Botty turned his arm over, but given he drove from Somerset, allowed me the gloves for the day, was also a rugby player and is also married to a Chef I can only congratulate him for a sublime spell. Chapeau! 

Other than Roger being banished to fine leg – think more Gary Rhodes colander rather than Jonty Rhodes fielding and cannon middling the ball with his knee as he dived for a catch the hosts batting effort was somewhat subdued with the Peckers attack dominating.

Had it not been for their Captain Woody batting throughout for 126 not out, a very kind total of 209 off 40 overs was set… BTW with a name like that surely a Pecker for the future?!With 20 years between innings it made perfect sense for Darty to open with the high flying Roger and his season average of 0.5… So off the peckers set about business of dismantling the total. 

Roger’s getting married next month, and got to open with his best man, Darty

A very sensible and business-like opening partnership ensued until Roger invited Darty for a quick single. Mind sharp, body not and with 25 runs in the bank Darty decided with a so called ‘pantomime’ injury this was enough for his day, time to protect the average and he headed for an early shower.  Out strode best mate Botty to take up the mantle and pick up the pieces. All was well until a ridiculous catch at square leg off a long hop meant that Bottys day was also done. 

Eyeing up more marriages than runs for the season Roger harnessed a late-night pep talk from his fiancée and pressed on to 45 before playing around a straight one, a glorious bounce back.

This left the Henners and Karl with a K all the work to do. Whilst Karl was nursing a hangover at the other end Henners (84* off 45) decided it was time to tee off and test the local school’s roof by dispatching the ball to all parts of the village. There will be a fundraiser next year to repair the damage so stand by for details!

A massive cheer erupted as the game came to a close and Henners so excited with his MOM performance acknowledging the noise only to realise it was actually the local football club celebrating a goal for England – It’s coming home!! Maybe that curse had a sting in its tail after all, or maybe I just made this up…

The Peckers welcome the heroes, Henners and Quokka

Game won and celebration complete it was left to Pobsy who had fu*k all else going on to give Karl a new nickname ‘Quokka’ – not relevant to the game but worth you all knowing yet another nickname to learn. 

After the game the untrained amongst us found out the Woodpeckers were actually trending in Perth WA and St Peters Cathedral in Rome on YouTube, a system called Frog-Box caught all the action live. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP1eWJ1lBDA&t=16355s for the full game, or on play-cricket you can watch all the wickets and boundaries https://chiddingfold.play-cricket.com/website/results/4597963

The day is never complete without a vegetable garden and the farmyard animals for support. All the excitement was mopped up like a sponge by Avocado, Plumsie, Swedie, Billy, Myrtle, Horse and his foals. Who would have known Chiddingfold has their very own Eric Hollies stand. We repaired to the Winterton Arms for several ales, and Runky who was very Peckish wolfed down some chips

A great day, a great win and a lovely tan! Well done everyone! Until next time…

Tilford

Nestled between the quaint market towns of Farnham and Godalming in the delightful Surrey Hills lies the charming village of Tilford, a village famed for its glorious setting, excellent pub and cricketing lore.

The Woodpeckers arrived uncharacteristically early and set up camp in The Coach House, diligently reserved by Motty, that would play Pecker Pavilion on this fine early summer’s day. .As pints of Ranmore and Surrey Hills were served, the Peckers surveyed the traditionally good pitch, the only flat part of an undulatory ground that provides a magnificent backdrop for spectators but provides equal peril for fielders.  

Karl with a K kollekts kap from Kaiser Beearon von RunKle

Regular readers of this column will remember that Skipper Pobsy Darling had recently selected an unconventional all bowling side at Headley, and not dismayed by the shellacking handed out, once again fielded a side with only two recognized batsmen and inserted Tilford. 

Opening from the Oak Tree End was debutant Will “Big Willy” Evered, a giant of a man with a trundling gait, a fierce delivery stride and a snap of the wrist that produced terrific pace and bounce from the first ball. At the other end, Cat would bustle in typically feline style, unfortunate to end wicketless from a number of close calls, including an LBW shout, that could have had a significant impact on the result.  

The Tilford star opener was the beneficiary of this decision. A young bull of a batsman, Ramesar’s batting language is Acts of Aggression, and the red ball seemed to inflame his temper as he thrashed anything short of a length to the boundary, punishing bowlers of all sizes and styles with a variety of strokes around the wicket, local know-how ensuring the advantage of short boundaries.  

Willy finally struck, removing the dangerous Cantwell, with a rising ball that would dolly to second slip. Alas, this would be the only fielding success in what, even by Pecker standards, was a notably poor fielding performance. Heads were in hands on dozens of occasions as slip catches were dropped, balls fumbled, overthrows conceded; indeed, basic motor skills seem to completely evade Peckers throughout the Tilford innings. I think we need to have some fielding drills in future..kindly

Ramesar continued his plunder, taking all comers to reach his 50. At this point, somewhat overdressed for this humid occasion, he seemed to lose interest in running, patiently awaiting bad balls and dispatching them to the boundary. Horse and Spinach both bowled neatly for a spell, each claiming a scalp, and Runky bowled a beautifully straight set of overs that tied up Tilford, but he would win no reward for his efforts.

Finally, the Peckers, hot and bothered, would traipse off to a sporting Tilford declaration as Ramesar reached his century. The chase to 220 was on. 

The fine set of supporters in the Coach House would greet the fielders with pizzas and fish boards – Pirate and his Cut-Lass, Roger’s fiancé Zena (nickname TBD), Motty and the ever present Gemotty, dogs abounding. Unfortunately for the Cut-Lass (Becky) Pablo the Frenchie would fall in the River Wey, and (more unfortunately) so did Becky, though she was quickly retrieved by a kindly local, and returned sheepishly to the ground to dry off in the sun.  

Cousin and Spinach set off purposefully to the middle to face the youthful looking Tilford attack. Cousin David would last just the one ball to the pace of Bozier, about which he knew very little.  0-1 and Karl with K exposed to the new ball earlier than he would like, but a fine boundary settled his nerves. He knew not much about the next in-swinging yorker however, neither did Dabbler moments later.

It was suddenly clear that we had a problem on our hands, as Bozier turned out to have more sporting talent than the entire Pecker side put together,. The Pecker Pavilion was in chaos, as batsman came and went, pads were removed before the batsman arrived back, to be handed to the next hapless victim. Indeed, Roger had ordered a Peroni, suddenly required to bat, was still back before it arrived,  Bozier swooping in to take a stunning caught and bowled. 

At 19-5.. no, 6 actually, as Horse is removed by the old Beamer-Beamer-Jaffa combination, most famously utilised by the West Indies sides of the 1970s, Tilford took pity. A succession  of pastry chefs were exposed, which shouldn’t undermine the excellent 28 by Cat, newly recast as an belligerent all-rounder in the Stokes mold and a scampering 21 by POBsy. The debutant, Big Willy, whilst leaky in in the field, showed stiff resolve in bat for a lusty 38, with blows around the field.

No Technique! Pobsy lashes lustily (think i edged this one through slip). Roger is a very fine ump/photographer

The inevitable would come soon enough with poor Butternut the final wicket to fall, with the Peckers blushes saved by at least reaching 120 all out.

Runky salutes the crowd after his 0*

As ever at Tilford, the celebrations continued on the outfield continued long into the evening, a lovely group of supporters, including the Horse’s sire and mare, Peckers gathered with our hosts, jugs all round. A glorious evening in warm sunshine, a reminder of the esteem that we hold this wonderful game when played with heart and good spirit, we recalled the shame and embarrassment of our cricketing failures in the shadow of an 800 year old oak tree.

Centurion Ramekin kindly gets the jugs in ( the first of many)

Zena(Surgeon and Fiancee of Roger, Sue-Baru (Mater of the Old Beast) are entertained by Rose and Runky

Headley

If any ground represents the Woodpecker Family, it is Headley. A stunning green oval hewn out of the Box Hill National Trust woodland in the glorious Surrey Hills, it is a crucible of memories - of friends, families, and times past. We have a wonderful rapport with the generous and kindly local hosts that means each game is a treasured reunion, often blessed with supporters, Peckerettes and Peckerinhos. 

With many key batsmen ruled out via an assortment of commitments to Peckerettes, Chairman POB was left with little option but to play an unconventional 8 seamer and a spinner attack, and so chose to insert the hosts on a green top with a very short boundary on the road-side.   

Spinach roared in with his trademark sling and struck first ball, peckering opener Pickering with a straight skiddy swinger. A momentous start to the day garnered belief that our plan was sound. At the other end, an intensely grumpy Cat was on point immediately as well, bowling a spell tighter than the chuff of a Manx kitten. He would snaffle the other opener with an unplayable swinging LBW shout.  

As opening salvoes go, this was premium Pecker content. Line and length bowling, smart fielding, and even a full complement of players, the Peckers purred through the first 20 overs like a well-oiled Bentley scything through Surrey sunshine. Even Horse, famed mainly for the variation in his bowling, hit the spot, finding an edge to a diving one-handed catch from Tiddles at second slip, removing the dangerous Maywood. I had been joking that we had broken the record for weightiest Aussie slip cordon in history, but Tiddles showed me with a glorious grab

Aussie Slip Cordon + former Pecker keeping great Jim ‘trigger’ Baker

Motty tied up an end with a miserliness that had treasurer Cuddy nodding with pride. A frustrated Headley retired to drinks after 20 overs at 75-3.

It was at this point, bluntly, that the wheels began to come off. Beeaaron was turning his arm for the first time this season, but still showed some guile and earned two fine LBW decisions, the Pecker fielding performed a sharp reversion to the mean: dropped catches, missed run outs, bickering and chaotic field positioning as people failed to recall the left / right hand combinations. The eyes of the brothers Mottershead were in and they began a sharp acceleration in run scoring, adding over 80 runs between them and taking Headley into a commanding position with 10 overs to go, prompting a spectator on the fine leg boundary to ask Horse “is this a seniors’ side?” 

A smart run out, far from slowing Headley, brought the dangerous and clean hitting Grant Barton to the crease. His eyes lit up as the ragged Pecker performance deteriorated in the hot sun and he brutalised Runky, Groundskeeper and Tiddles to the short boundary, all of whom were thinly rewarded for bowling creditably. Snax also bowled a short, memorable spell, the 2nd over going for 22 a bit of a game changer. 

A superb 72 was ticked off for Steve Barton in the Headley scorebook and we would take a BYO tea with a certain level of nervousness chasing 233, our batting line up resembling one of the adders slithering on Headley Heath – one pair of teeth and a very long tail.  

The last time Motty opened the batting for the Peckers, he was skipper and scored his maiden century.He strode to the crease, his freshly trimmed physique reminiscent of a young Allan Lamb, Pecker eyes were momentarily hopeful.  As he walked back with just 5 to his name, those same eyes turned to the Great Bald Hope, Cuddy, marching out with great purpose, carrying an arguably unrealistic weight of expectation. With Bobby Barton bowling an exceptionally tight spell of left arm seam up, a general sense of panic set into the Pecker batting line up. Spinach fell for a slow-cooked duck, Cuddy would dutifully walk to a thin edge, Horse castled by an in-swinging yorker. Game over.  

But was it? POB had packed his middle order with heft – Cat, Dupa and Tiddles bring all significant weight of cricketing intellect, and all recognised the value of hanging around and not chasing too many quick singles. The Pecker score began to build towards a respectful total, anchored by the enigmatic Cat, whose mood was slowly lifting from Level Bagpuss to something nearer Garfield, as his clean hitting and clever shot selection ticked towards a maiden 50. Nobly supported by Snax and Groundskeeper Willy with a swashbuckling 34, Cat would drop to his knees and take the crowd’s adoring ovation for his maiden 50 in any format. Headingley in 81, Edgbaston in 05, Headingley in 2019.. this was one for the ages. All who witnessed it will share an unshakeable and unspoken bond – I was there.

Great Knock Bagpuss…castled by the Nelson curse?

The innings would finally be exhausted by the clock, Peckers battered but unbowed, with a total of 177-9. The club spirit, so nobly upheld by skip POB, carried on with jugs with our delightful hosts on the outfield in the evening sunshine. 

Thanks as always to POB for his relentless organization, to MCG for bringing the foals, to Ched Max and Miles & Gemotty for their support, to those who drove for multiple hours to make a side on a Sunday. This is the cricketing family that make games like Headley such a true reflection of all that is wonderful about being a Pecker.  

To Tilford.

Chertsey

Woodpeckers C.C vs Chertsey C.C -No precipitation, just a rain on our parade.

As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately, the proverb rung true at an overcast and grey Chertsey.

We arrived at Chertsey in good form, buoyed by our first ever win at the HAC, extending our winning streak to a record breaking 7 games and cementing our place in sporting Valhalla. The Peckers join the likes of the Mercedes F1 team with their 7 consecutive championships and the 7 consecutive Tour de France wins of Lance Armstrong, whose understanding of the word doping is rather different to some of the Peckers’.

Cuddy, Horse, Pobsy (c), Dupa, Muttley

Spinach, Butternut, Groundskeeper, Cat, Dabbler, Badger

Whilst we waited for the hungover rabble of Badger, Spinach and Butternut. The latter two had been goading Pobsy the night before with photographs of them enjoying a fine single malt at an uncouth 4:15 AM.

Chertsey’s Innings

Donning the newly arrived Pecker head-wear, we were sent into the field. In Motty’s absence, the new ball was put into the Cat’s paw. As the Cat trundled into the wind to deliver the first ball of the day, his footing deserted him at the critical point of release, as he careered to the ground with a heavy thud. Once the field had finally finished cackling and sawdust had been liberally applied to the damp crater left behind by the days before, the Pecker’s toil began. Cat and Spinach bowled miserly, pinning down and threatening the Chertsey opening pair on a few occasions. At the cursory 6 over sanitation interval, Chertsey were on 12 for no loss, although this would not be the talking point.

Ball tampering has unfortunately dogged the game of cricket for decades, England in 1994, Pakistan in 2006 and Australia in 2018 being just a few high-profile examples. Regrettably, Chertsey 2021 must now be added to the list of accused. When the Chertsey player (Shepherd) on umpiring duty snatched the ball and dowsed it in alcohol hand sanitizer, the sporting world shook its head. Regarding unfair play, Law 41.3.2.1 of The MCC’s Laws of Cricket states that “no artificial substance may be used” to interfere with the condition of the match ball. This rule has been adapted slightly during the Covid-19 pandemic, with the ECB requiring the ball to be wiped with an approved disinfectant wipe, but it is quite clear that alcoholic hand sanitizer is not permitted on the ball. What leaves a particularly unsavory taste in the mouth of this Sanitizer Gate is the fact that the Cat’s request that they apply hand sanitizer to their own ball in their innings fell on deaf ears.

When the ball, damp and dull, was eventually returned to the seamers, the ball unsurprisingly ceased to swing, which it had been prior to Sanitizer Gate. The runs stayed low, but the first wicket continued to elude the Peckers. The scoreboard pressure eventually told, as the opening pair began to take increasingly daring singles. The pair made the error of testing the Dabbler’s arm, and with laser precision he threw down the stumps. Horse then entered the attack with a truly marvelous spell of bowling, finding a metronomic rhythm and good pace. With Butternut’s and then Cuddy’s licorice all sorts bowling from the other end, Chertsey began to go through the gears. The Horse claimed his first victim of the afternoon when the remaining opening bat edged the ball high into the sky. Hearts in mouths, the ground fell silent, albeit for the dreary murmur of the M25, as the realization that it was our captain who was underneath it. Pobsy manage to hold on after a brief juggle to bring a partnership of 71 to an end. The second run out of the day by Butternut quickly ensued before Dabell took a smart diving catch to give the Horse his second scalp of the day. Before Chertsey could add to their tally, they had lost another, with Cuddy getting in amongst the wickets after a sharp catch by the Badger in the cordon. Groundskeeper entered the fray, making his return after an ACL operation. However, it was Dupa who would succumb to injury, heroically pulling a hamstring whilst saving a boundary. As the Peckers’ nutritionists Avocado and Swedie would endorse, it was nothing a quick drink could not remedy, with Dupa soldiering on shortly after with Moretti in hand

Mr Moretti to the rescue.

Groundskeeper followed in Horse’s footsteps, bowling a superb length that had the Chertsey bats scrabbling, and it was not long before they nibbled. The sound of leather kissing willow is unmistakable, like that of a lamb’s cry in spring or the chirping of birds in the morning, and all 11 players on the pitch heard that unmistakable sound. As the team ran together to celebrate, our elation to turned to disbelief as the umpire refused to raise his finger and despite the batsman being asked to do the honorable thing and walk, he remained firmly rooted with a wry smirk painted across his face. This was one of a handful of extremely poor decisions, and when Pobsy pressed them post-match for an explanation, there was not mea culpa, instead they could only look at their laces.

After the 40 overs, Chertsey walked back to the pavilion for 192-“6”.

Horse (8-2-22-2) and Cat (8-2-26-1)

Woodpeckers Innings

After a few sandwiches, sausage rolls and ales, it was our turn to occupy the crease. Cuddy joined Badger out in the middle, both looking to replicate their innings last time out (139 and 44* respectively). Cuddy (1) fell early, misjudging an ugly full toss that dipped down onto his stumps. The Dabbler (0) was then quickly dismissed without scoring after he delicately guided the ball into the gully’s midriff.

Just as the Badger/Horse pairing looked like they were going to build, Badger (14) fell, edging the ball high and into the grateful clutches of the Chertsey fielder. Muttley (0) replaced him, but he too was back in the pavilion immediately, joining the Dabbler in the duck house. Enter Pobsy, the Peckers needed a captain’s innings to halt the collapse and to drag us back into the game. After a tidy boundary, Pobsy’s (4) wicket became the latest, edgeing one to slip. Groundskeeper then joined Horse, who almost immediately sent poor old Horse (4) on a suicide mission to the glue factory, with Chertsey capitalizing on a poor call to run out the last of our top order batsmen. With the Old Nag trotting back to the clubhouse, Butternut joined a rather sheepish Groundskeeper. It was not long before the latter had been dismissed, trapped lbw (7).

Muttley returned to the fold, takes ducky consolation with the senior pros

Both he and Pobsy hastily took a walk of the boundary in consolation for their fruitless efforts. It should be said that Badger showed his unwavering dedication to upholding “The Spirit of Cricket”, being fair and honest in giving Groundskeeper lbw. With the Pecker tail well and truly exposed, Spinach joined his housemate at the crease, ready to try and salvage victory from the jaws of defeat.

Amongst the chaos of the collapsing Peckers, Chertsey’s chat was rather bizarre with repeated “let’s do this for Nazi Germany” and “come on the EDL” which doesn’t have much place on a cricket pitch. Butternut (6) got caught off-guard by a rogue straight delivery and his day was over all too quickly, as joined the graveyard of Pecker batsmen. With the Peckers 61-8, the Cat plodded out, donning the Peckers’ newest piece of headgear, the mighty sunhat. Despite Spinach’s very suspect running calls early in the partnership, the two were able to push the Peckers towards the 100 mark and towards respectability. When the Cat (23) was unable to dig out a yorker, Dupa, still beleaguered by his pulled hamstring walked out for the last stand with runner Butternut in tow. Spinach (15*) and Dupa toiled on, playing some expansive shots, but it was not to be, and when Dupa (7) was eventually skittled, it brought not just an end to the game, but to the Pecker’s record-breaking streak.

On the day, the Peckers truthfully were well beaten by Chertsey, however, “The Spirit of Cricket” was the real loser . On to the delightful a fixture at the Hampshire Hogs, where “The Spirit of Cricket” will be back in full force, of that, I am sure. Up the Peckers.

Well said Cat -after the Magnificent Seven at the HAC, we experienced a different kind of HAC-’Horror At Chertsey’, one we won’t be experiencing again. We look forward to the glorious fixtures of Hampshire Hogs, Headley and Tilford x

Drowning sorrows at the end of an illustrious winning streak.

Very well said Bapuss, time for a nice nap