Peckers v Peckers

The most wonderful of English cricket summers had almost come to an end. A year of the hottest day on record, the death of our beloved Queen, a winning England test team and a Peckers season full of wins, ties, and the odd loss! So this meant only one thing was left to do, and play the annual end of season Peckers v Peckers game!

Of course, it is the Woodpeckers, and nothing is done without some level of drama. As the Peckers, and their friends, families and wags alike,  gathered in the picturesque Barnes Common ground, a few unfamiliar faces were also changing in to whites.

It transpired the pitch was double booked, and so after some Pobsy negotiation, we agreed to let them play first, and we would start at 2.30pm!Of course this allowing for the “odd” pint and glass of rose to downed, or in Trash’s case a few bottles of Rose, before we even attempted to hit a ball! 

Eventually we managed to start with a boat race to decide the toss, of course won by the Pirate Spinach XI, proving that practice aboard the good ship “Wilton” was well worth it.

Choosing to field first we eventually started with a 12 v 13 game, as the later start had led to lots of confusion of teams, overs to be played, rules and whether Horse was actually galloping away or too the ground!

Pirate Spinach putting the Greasy Chefs in to bat, the Baaron von Runkel warmed up his young muscles and declared he would open the bowling!!Pippin and Toby commenced their innings steadily in this 20 over context, (Reduced from 25….after 17 overs had been bowled…as you will see why later), before debutant Pecker “Chairman” entered the fray.

His looping slow spinners, clearly copied from the Baaron, completely bamboozled the entire top order of the Greasy Chefs, with Pippin stumped and Windy & Greasy bowled all in his opening over…Greasy Chefs 10-3 off 2.This brought Trash to the wicket, seeing 3 bowls coming at him, post his downing of the Rose at rapid speed. This clearly led to his best Peckers innings of the season, and in two phases amassed a delicious 54 not out! A lesson to be learnt that playing pissed is so much better for him, than playing with a raving hangover!

Wickets still continued to fall however, and the Pirate was extremely non cholent in taking Pobsy one handed, as only a Pirate can, and captain Chef following close after for a solitary single!

Greasy Chefs 40-6. Then the tide started turn, with Butternut entering the fray, and realising he could hit the ball, and smashing many a fine blow over cow corner. In his two stints he managed to score 36 not out, then get changed and bugger off before fielding!!

The Pirate Spinach captaincy was starting to feel strained, but with the retirements coming, they kept their nerve and brought on Novachock…..who had started the game stating he was making up the numbers and not sure what side he was on….but behind those boyish good looks and Tom Cruise sunnies, a Player of the Match was lurking!  

He sped in, and blew away the lower end Greasy Chefs, to finish with 2 for 4, giving him the confidence to smash it around the park in the next innings! 17 overs done, Greasy Chefs 128-9, and we agreed 20 overs was the game to go for!

Greasy Chefs Heroes

Horse was then seen trotting back into the parade ring, post taking his troops and Pirate daughter to the arty Barnes food fest, and came in to support Butternut. Smashing a lovely straight drive or two, to end up with 10 not out, in his only running of 2022. Greasy Chefs posting 169 in their 20 overs. A fine effort given their start , but the Pirate Spinach mob, felt very comfortable chasing, given by then the beer was almost out, pizzas eaten, and the Greasy Chef’s had to contend with short boundaries and only a spattering of bowlers.Afternoon tea was taken, allowing additional pizzas to be consumed, and other delicacies……

 Chef -takes over….

The Greasy chefs felt relieved to have scored 169 after being robbed of the boat race, with the Pirate Spinach brigade having spillage issues, namely Martini, as seen in the video footage. I have watched the video a few times, and we should have referred to the TMO; anyhow, we went back out on the very green Barnes oval to defend our 169, a respectable total.

Out to face the Greasy Chef attack came Moleman and Millie, Moley had been under a fitness cloud late in the week but seemed fit and well to me, so I was hoping for an early breakthrough. The horse cantered in with some excellent line and length, but it did not worry Moleman; he was in no mood to stick around with 12 coming off for the first over, Moley smacking a huge six off the second ball.

Tiddles in next for the second over, but Moley and Millie had no respect for the Aussie medium pacer, hitting 13 of his over. Tiddles was blowing hard after his first over, claiming the spicy pizza was hurting him, but I knew he would come back stronger in his second stint; the Spinach Pirates had raced away to 25 without loss in 2 overs, not the start we wanted.

The cherry was thrown to Windy, who was suitably hydrated on Rose; he was energetic in his run-up and unlucky in his first over not to get a wicket, another over where we went for 12. Doby into the attack, and again we went for another 12; Doby stated he did not want to bowl again; he felt his fielding was his stronger suit, he went on to drop two catches, and a long stint in the armband was required.

Moley and Kamikaze both retired not out on 25. The co-captain Pirate in next, out for 1 facing Greasy in his first over; getting him very cheaply allowed us some hope we could get through this middle order, Greasy only going for 2 in his over. Yours truly into the attack now, only going for 6 in my over. The Greasy Chefs felt better that we were slowing the run rate, Groundskeeper and the Chairman at the crease now, controversy never far away with Chairman not trying to hit a six on the first ball, but we let it slide as he fell cheaply, ironically for 6. 

Pobsy into the attack, his first over was tight, only going for three, and the pressure was now back onto the batters. Tiddles back on, wickets went flying, with Tiddles getting Martini and Spinach, Tiddles giving Spinach a send-off to remember, and Pobsy eager to join in the send-off .

Mapuddah into the attack. He had been down at third man in the sun baking for quite some time, so I wasn't sure how he would go, but boy oh boy, did he come to play, getting two wickets with his second and third ball, the hat trick was needed.

We had taken the sting out of the Spinach Pirates, with Pobsy and I taking wickets, Big Merv and Dupa falling for ducks; however, we had not expected the arrival of Novichok, like the drug he turned out to be lethal. Handy with the ball, he was devasting with the bat. He strode out with John Lennon-styled sunnies. He smashed the attack hitting three 4's and two 6's. He retired on 25, but came back on to support groundskeeper. 

The match delicately poised…32 needed off 24 balls

Groundskeeper, inspired by Novichock, struggled to find the middle of the bat early on and was even given a new nickname by Trash, ‘Hacksaw Ridge’... With Novichok and Groundskeeper settled in, we only needed to slow the run rate, and as the rules state, everyone has a go at bowling; in came Pippin. I will try and be kind, but it was a buffet and free hits aplenty, Pippin going for 28 in his only over, the game had turned, and only Trash could save us.

Trash to bowl what would be the final over; Groundskeeper AKA Hacksaw Ridge smacked Traash down the ground for the biggest Six of the day clearing a massive tree and almost landing on the train tracks. Second ball and Trash takes Groundskeepers wicket with a perfect ball nicking off stump. Novichok, who had early retired on 25, returned with the sun setting and shades still on, strode out to the crease

In summary, it was a close game, with some good moments from both batters and bowlers; the game ebbed and flowed and was played in great spirit. I  laughed at the fielding efforts, cried at Pippin's bowling efforts, and was in awe of the potency of Novichok and Groundskeeper. Fine efforts by Mapuddah and Tiddles with the ball, taking five wickets between them, energetic fielding effort’s by Windy, and the constant chat of Pobsy, I knew it would be a long day when I saw that pineapple on the pizza. Trasash with the bat was inspiring, had only 4 hours sleep,what could he have done if had had his full eight hours.

The bulk of the Peckers moved on to the Coach and Horses in Barnes with a lovely beer garden out the back to see out the end of the season, now what to do with winter coming and no cricket till next year.

Special thanks to Patrick for all the organizing throughout the year, and from me personally its great to be back playing for the Pecker’s after twenty years!

See you all soon!

Rotherfield Peppard

The lead-up to the final competitive fixture of the 2022 season, in the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside, was overshadowed by the passing of her majesty Queen Elizabeth II, which was fittingly marked by the wearing of black armbands. The atmosphere at the ground on the arrival of the cricket teams, on a glorious late summers day, seemed to be one of collective relief to be blessed to have the opportunity to spend a few hours away from reality in the warm embrace of friends and under the spell of the game we all dearly love.

The final eleven of 2022 comprised old hands and new. The Kwakka tree bore it’s first fruit in the shape of his great friend from Kindergarten Struan ‘Apple Strudel’ Robertson and 11 year old son Archie god-son to Kwaaka, became “Jammy Dodger” for the day….

Archie was heard advising Motty after the pitch inspection that this was an inserter, and POBsy duly obliged. We took to the field without Baron von Runkel, latterly of the Madeira set, who arrived fashionably late darling….apparently after being mistaken en-route for a Battenburg by a group of elderly American tourists in Henley.

Archie Dodger donned the gloves and kept admirably all day, first to a miserly and challenging opening pace duo of Motty (1-17 off 8) and Groundskeeper (1-24 off 8), who bowled an enviable line and length throughout their spells, restricting the Rotherfield openers to a pedestrian rate, until Groundskeeper’s scalp of Watts to a ball that kicked off a length and was, yes, actually caught…….a feat not achieved in the last game at Brook after 7 attempts…  this demon had been laid to rest and the Peckers put on a fine fielding display for the rest of the afternoon, though Pirate after a brilliant diving stop got us going should have used two hands to a sharp chance, perhaps forgetting that he was not wielding his cutlass…. 

Bowling changes were called on to to replace the opening attack, with Mapuddah and the Beaaaron coming on…. and it was to be a Tale of Two Ends….."It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of beautifully flighted off breaks, it was the age of leg stump full tosses, it was the epoch of long unbroken spells, it was the epoch of “have a blow”….. opener Leedham, had now got his eye in after Mappudah wheeled on an early buffet trolley,

Patrick rolled the dice and introduced H-Bomb into the attack, who complimented the Beeearon like a fine port served with the cheese course. The contrasting styles proved too much for Rotherfield, from the Baron’s end a batsman has a lifetime to think about the mistake he is about to make, before he makes it, but still elects to go ahead with the shot. With H-Bomb,( 2 for 7 off six), you play and miss and hear the death rattle all in a flash. Runky’s thirst for wickets was like a vampire at a blood transfusion centre, as he followed up his last two spells for the Peckers, which bagged 9 wickets, with a wonderful 4 for 19 off 8 (surely moving him into pole position for the Peckers bowling awards). Most batsmen were bowled, although Archie also executed a skilful stumping.

Other Pecker spinners followed once we had control of the game, with Pirrate bagging a lovely bowled and spells from Milly and pacer POBsy. Motty came back to clean up the tail and Rotherfield posted an under par 132 all out (though Badger came out as 12th man) off their 40 overs.

L-r from back -Otto, Beearon, Pobsy. Kamikaze, Strudel,GK Smeagol, H-Bomb, Pirrate, Kwakka, Jammy Dodger, Mapuddah

 Tea was taken courtesy of Badger,  and it was enjoyed by all, especially Myrtle the Jack Russell, who was well fed from the selection of meats, cheeses, French bread and lots of delicious Chocky snacks. The Peckers started their reply with openers Pirate and Strudel, and the Rotherfield opening attack of the Mennies brothers was naggingly accurate, and Pirate misjudged a straight one which took his leg stump. bringing to the wicket Milly, who with Strudel, took to the first change bowlers and boundaries started to flow with from a succession of fine cricket shots. Milly really found his timing and raced to his 50 with the scoreboard advancing quickly, and with a modest total to chase. I was umpiring and Milly who had been middling everything volunteered to hit one in the air pointing out that we really should get young Jammy Dodger in the game-I left it to him and next ball…Milly fell on his wicket by contriving a run out that made the Charge of the Light Brigade look like a sensible proposition, with an immovable Strudel staying put disdainfully at the other end, and he thereby earned his new nickname of Kamikazee. It also works as if we need a short leg in future we can send Kamikazee in there to avoid another bruising to a senior pro. It’s a role he plays for Malmesbury

Kamikaze (formerly known as Milly) flanked by Pirrate and Mapuddah

Sensing the angst, 🇯🇵. Archie’s godfather, Kwaaka, came in next but had not read the script, and arrived looking to occupy and plunder, a desperate attempt to improve his season average, and after three flashing boundaries, he was struck on the foot by a full toss -POBSy, doing a stint in the white coat had no hesitation in raising the finger and in strode Archie, all of 5ft tall, to join his father Strudel at the crease, but the latter fell to a wonderful catch running in from the boundary.

The Kwakka with his tree -Apple Strudel, Jammy Dodger and Dodger’s new hero, the Beearon

Enter Henners, who had batting demons to exorcise after a lean patch. At this ground, 4 years ago, he had won another battle against more formidable personal demons, and so no one doubted that he would turn things around with the willow. He immediately began to smoke the bowling to all parts, with some thunderous shots  through mid off and the leg side, and Rotherfield’s boundary was well and truly Peppered (36 not out at the end, including 7 boundaries). Archie had played studiously, refusing to surrender his wicket, but then realised the time had come to trouble the scorers before the total had been reached. Standing a foot outside his crease, he smited two lusty blows back past the bowler to thunderous applause from the pavilion. Henners brutally ended proceedings in the 25th over and handshakes were exchanged.

The after match pleasantries had a nostalgic feel as this fixture marks the end of the season, and conversation centred around a thrilling season, with POBsy helping us to work out the season record which is Played 17 Won 9, Lost 6 . Tied 2 , As beer was coiffed in the fading light against a backdrop of a beautiful ground, and we stayed long into the evening with no one wanting to leave. But leave we did, with Motty sending us on our way with a poetic farewell- “winter well lads”…..

On behalf of all peckers, thank you POBSy for all your hard work in making this dream come true year after year, and we will formally mark the changing of the seasons with the annual Peckers v Peckers next saturday at Barnes common, where more stories will surely be written…..(Greasy, please be careful with the pints next week….🤣).

Wine Trade

I write this report from the unfamiliar position of foe, playing against the Peckers and as Captain Patrick’s adversary. Despite not being a vintner and having a sparce knowledge of wine, I have found myself playing for the Wine Trade’s cricket team. Looking out onto the field with a glass of claret in hand, I couldn't help but draw parallels between the Trade and the Peckers, and the good nature in which both play their cricket. Reporting back to Pobsy, he was keen for the fixture, especially given that we were pruning the morose bin-end fixtures from our calendar; Chertsey and Tadworth. Pobsy worked tirelessly to find a ground that met the requisite criteria and were willing to let us play. Eventually a venue was confirmed, the quaint ground of Kew.

Friday afternoon brought something that seldom surfaces in the Pecker lexicon, a mid-week fixture. I had been warned that finding 22 players without work commitments or without the desire to honour those commitments was notoriously challenging. I was adamant, however, that the promise of a sun-drenched afternoon off work, copious amounts of good wine kindly supplied by the trade on the neutral turf of Kew would be enough to entice any man. Late on the eve of battle, with both teams having a combined 17 players (12 Peckers: 5 Vintners), the words of warning appeared to be ringing true.

Albeit 30 minutes after the intended meet time, both sides remarkably had full bodies, with Pobs and Gavin seemingly producing talented and enthused cricketers from thin-air, and from a TV crew.

There was a gentleman’s toss (although not an Elton John special, much to Pobsy’s disappointment) and in another sensation unfamiliar to the Peckers, the Wine Trade took to the field. Moleman and Karl with a K got the Peckers off to a strong start, rebuffing the Trade’s opening duo, which included Traas, who along with Murphy and myself made up the mutineers. The first change of bowling unearthed the Mole, who fell for 20, and their profitable opening stand of 85 came to an end. The Peckers pushed on fast to 106 at drinks, with Kwokka macerating the ball effortlessly to the boundary with alarming regularity. The curse of drinks and the introduction of the pace off approach of Goode undid Singh, falling for an entertaining 29 off the second ball back. Kwokka hit his first 50 of the season, before being replaced by Gav, making his first Pecker outing for 4 years. At 153-5, both sides felt they were in the fight, but as per the rule that all must bowl played out and those less accustomed to bowling took the ball, the pendulum swung firmly in the Peckers’ favour. Wickets fell but at great cost, with the Cat’s old man P Money optimising this, dismissing Spinach (Bowled Wood, Caught Wood), but going for over 30 in his 2 over. Whilst the Trade’s bowling was undeniably abject, the umpire, a volunteer who did not know his Shiraz from his Pinot, was signalling wides with such regularity that one feared he might take flight. The Pecker tail pressed and squeezed every available run, with Pobs and Apoor, 28* and 36 respectively, driving the Peckers to end their innings on 258-9, not bad considering the 35 over format. Goode’s 3 for 20 offer a pleasant note in what was other wise a bitter assemblage of bowling.

At the interval came another scarcely seen but most spectacular of phenomena, the Pecker match tea. This was not the tea that we are accustomed to on Sundays, it was smorgasbord of excellence, with Snax’s bhajis, Pobsy’s coronation chicken, Butternut x Suedie’s brownies and Marmalade’s quiche to name but a few delights

The Wine Trade lived up to their name, providing a blend of delectable wines, which were thoroughly enjoyed with some of the Pecker spectators such as Marmalade (much to Snax’s delight), with Jack Russells in tow and our Life President, who it was a joy to see back in a pavilion.

Whilst tea was being enjoyed, a member of the ground staff had come to the realisation that we had been playing on the wicket made up for Kew’s 1st XI for the following day and hurried us onto some dodgy terroir - the remanence of what perhaps was once a wicket. The Trade’s plight was the compounded by the groundsman extending the boundary on one side, but not retracting it on the other.

Life President and Marmalade enjoy the spectacle

With play back underway, the Trade were quick to spill wickets, both openers departing in the second over to the bowling of Singh with less than 10 on the board. In came the Trade’s glimmers of hope, Ayliffe who had the pleasure of playing the Harrow vs Eton fixture at Lords and Kieran Ghandi, and the pair settled in, forming a fruitful partnership, the Trade began to dream as the pair drove their team beyond the 100 mark. Eventually their good work was arrested, Ayliffe falling for an extremely well made 46 to the bowling of Groundskeeper, a brilliant running catch by Apoor as drinks loomed. Traas came barrelling in and quickly picked up where Ayliffe left off, scoring freely. The peckers needed a man of the moment, someone to squash the Trade’s fightback, and up stood darling Neil Von Runkel, leaving the Trade’s middle order underfoot.

The Madeiran sun clearly having a marked effect on the rejuvenated veteran, like a fine wine who only gets better with age, the cunning of the Baron undoing the Trade’s unripe middle order. Moleman’s quick hands stumping KG for a stellar 60, Traas and Murphy for 17 and 12 respectively.

Traah smites Beearon to long on where he was excellently caught by Dheeru

The brut Cat took to the field and went to take on the old fox, twice reverse sweeping into the space in behind much to Runky’s displeasure. Controversy quickly ensued when a Snax high full toss was bottled by the Cat, with Karl with a K flying forward to take a korker (with a k), diving forward at full stretch off the boundary rope. The umpire at the bowler’s end (after some Cat haranguing) signalled for a no ball however the square leg umpire, keen to be a part of the action, insisted it was his decision and that the Cat was to go. A quick brush up on the rules uncovered that it was not his decision, leaving the Cat fermenting in the pavilion. The Trade’s legs were underwhelming, as another Moleman stumping brought the game to its conclusion; the Trade stranded 74 runs short. The Moleman was Premier Cru, taking a five for behind the stumps, including 2 stunning grabs.

As the sun came down on a glorious fixture and a great bunch, backlit by the striking lights of the church and the renown Kew Gardens, Pecker and Trader sat together, enjoying the dregs a wonderful season. Now on to our last Tango in Rotherfield Peppard. Peckers Up.

Teddington

 I was putting some winter duvets away in some new vacuum storage bags from Wilkos. I got the stepladders to put them in the top of the fitted cupboards and there was my old cricket bag that had been up there for over 5 years. During those years both my hips had failed again where they’d been resurfaced and I’d ended up having them both fully replaced. They should have just put zips in the scars. ‘That’ I thought ‘is it for my cricket career’. But then one of POB’s begging emails came across the airwaves -the Woodies were short, it was a local ground, was this a sign? It was a sign – it said ‘Don’t be bloody stupid, put the bag back in the cupboard, watch the footie’ but of course I ignored it and POB, already replacing all but 2 of the previous week’s team, snatched at my offer of one more time. So it was with a very smelly cricket bag that I rolled up at Teddington on Sunday. Just the half hour late as I’d had to drop my daughter at Heathrow and the flight had been delayed by 4 hours.

Naturally I knew almost no-one. Pat, of course, and a distinctly the worse-for-wear Tiddles who’d arrived at Heathrow at 5am. I remembered Tiddles from playing with him and his imaginatively nick-named brother Greggles. AKA Greg Palmer. Nicknames. Mine is Ducky as I’m an actor. Occasionally. That’s how I was introduced and how the rest of the team was introduced to me. Of course, those whose first Woodies game this was had to be named. Ricaldo ‘Ricky’ Anderson was on holiday from the Singapore Peckers and had once been nicknamed ‘Razzle Dazzle’. Derek Horsham, another actor (every team should have two) already had ‘Deggsy’.

Peckers find shade L-R Ducky, Tiddles, Chef, Darty. Razzle, Pippin, Quokka

It was by now warmish and the outfield was as dry as a witch’s tit. Teddington’s a delightful little ground for a London setting. Set in the middle of Bushey Park, there’s always a deer or two wandering about and the new pavilion is very welcoming. We were already batting when I arrived and doing well against average bowling. It always looks easier from the boundary. Teddington had a young side out so lacked a bit of zip – though not, as would be proved later in comparison to us – in fielding. We lost Dobell at 29 for 9 bowled and in came Lav and that was that really. He and Moley took the score to 181 making hay when the bowling became ragged particularly tucking into anything short of a length. (The shouts of ‘Moley’ took me back to the old Leeds Playhouse when I gave my ‘Ratty’ in Toad of Toad Hole at Christmas 1984. I had a particularly fine tail). ‘Moley’ got to his ton and promptly left mostly from heat-exhaustion but also because Teddington finally brought on a very useful spinner

Two Pecker Tons this season, both glorious chiselled by the bat of Moleman

Lav’ carried on to his very good 50 and there was a sprinkle of runs till we closed the 35 overs with 227 for 5, ‘Razzle’ showing evidence of a significant cricket pedigree. I was left padded up with my ancient GM bat with a rotten rubber-grip. What deeds I would have wrought!!!

Tea report. 5 stars. Rich and varied sandwiches, excellent warm ham and chicken and beef pies, samosas and fruit-topped cheesecake. Best of the Season but not great when you are fielding second in 32 degrees.

We opened with Tiddles who bowled a very tidy spell, picking up the one wicket well-caught by Moley who kept well with some very difficult bounces and non-bounces. It was good to see the tradition continued in the Woodies of incessant and deeply-personal abuse of each other at the slightest flaws in the fielding. ‘Chef’ seemed particularly adept at this. He also accepted his fair share as well after proving that a ball will go through parted legs. ‘Deggsy’ opened from the other end and bowled a generally nagging length with a late dip that nearly got through a few times. He picked up a wicket to a catch in the deep by Razzle. It was not a difficult catch but it was one you’d still watch nervously with most of our fielders under it. However, as one of us said, watching Razzle prepare to take the catch brought a strange calm to us. Never a doubt.

Razzle came on first change and coming off a 5 pace run still put some zip on it. Unsurprising as it turns out he played County cricket for Essex and Northants taking 122 1st class wickets at 28.29 -economy 3.32 . The young batsmen against us all showed excellent technique but lacked the aggression to keep up with the run rate. Kwakka came on and, courtesy of another Razzle snaffle, took a wicket first ball

The Kwakka fan club were delighted after some delicious Rose -The Kwakette and local friend Lucy

Chef was tight and tidy and the most excitement was coming from the adjoining pitch where some young cricketers were playing. They celebrated the fall of any wicket like the Fall of Rome. It was exhausting just watching them.

Teddington did put our fielding under pressure eventually, taking extra runs on the throw, our fielders generally using the graceful lob rather than the laser arm. Excepting, of course, Patrick Overthrown-Brown. To be fair, they weren’t any overthrows from him and he did a lot of hard-pounding out at deep mid-wicket. The other proper arm on show was Lav’s and he scared the runners twice with his throw, though not quite his accuracy, on 2 occasions. So much so that the batsmen had a mid-pitch strategy meeting. ‘We will not’ they agreed’ take a 2nd run to him’. You know what happens now. The next over the ball went out to Lav on the leg boundary, they ran two, the ball came in one-bounce over the stumps and Moley’s not missing that. So goodnight Batsman No. 6.

It was great to see supporters Windy with colts Harvey and Rory, and ‘naughties’ protégé Bagpuss

Teddington were so far behind the run-rate that POB graciously allowed me to wheel out the buffet trolley one more time. It was amazing – at least 6 years since I’d bowled and I came on and instantly couldn’t hit a length. Just like old times but even slower. One was slow and wide of his leg stump that the left-hander had time to swivel and hit it to 3rd man. Which shook Moley up a bit.

Lav bowled 3 good overs and somewhere in there Tiddles dropped a ‘chocolate eclair’ at point and Pippin tipped a deep catch over the crossbar for 6. Razzle also missed a c&b when he came back on accompanied by a loud, almost theatrical gasp of surprise.

Their innings dwindled away to 194-4 with their splendidly-named skipper. Mike Shufflebotham, at the crease. Shuffs will be playing his swansong next year to make it 50 years playing at Teddington. Thanks also to Matt Rees who umpired all day and part of the Teddington gang who make us feel so welcome every year .

So an easy win for the Woodies by 33 runs. https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5125568 . But it was a joy just to be out there and this may just be a sentimental old fart talking but there is something special about a Woodies team – here we were, 2 debutants, a blast from the past and all change from last week and yet the instant bond of the love for the game and the right way to play it warmed the cockles of this heart. Floreat Picidae!

From the back L-R - Chef, Deggsy, Pobsy, Lav, Moley, Tiddles, Razzle Dazzle, Darty, Ducky, Pippin and Quokka

Marlow Park

By all accounts the Peckers first match at Marlow Park was 37 years ago, which was the year of that the first ever text message was sent just down the road in Newbury. With technology moving forward since then, in the year of 2022 we had a Peckers first with the Marlow opening batsman striding out with a Go Pro strapped to his helmet. Whether this footage was intended for his own personal appetite for Sunday village cricketers or he is intending to share more widely – it all started with Spinach bounding in from the Thames River end having been put into field on a hot muggy day with a rock hard outfield.

Those who have had the pleasure to play at Marlow will know that once the ball crosses the boundary rope you are either scratching through the undergrowth to find it or running 100m beyond as the ball flies over the open parkland. Unfortunately for the Peckers this became a bit of a theme in the first 10 overs, Spinach bowled with good pace in his first spell of seven overs, Jackie Chan at the other end was a touch rusty, and was replaced by POB after 2 overs following his fine form at Outwood. The two opening batsmen however were clearly in fine form and as much as I would have loved to have written that we bowled Mr Go Pro for a golden duck however it was quite the opposite with the at 45 - 0 off the first 5 overs, reigned in to 77 – 0 off 10. As Michael Owen once said “To stay in the game, you have to stay in the game” which the Peckers did following the arrival of Butternut into the bowling attack removing Mr Go Pro for 40 with a beautiful yorker. At the other end POB bowled tightly and was extremely unlucky to have a regulation catch dropped by keeper Muttley.

Here are the two scribes/openers Badger and Macca

With H Bomb replacing Pob, the wickets started to tumble all 3 next bowlers got wickets in their first over Butternut, Henners and Chef (after change of end) Lombard slicing a catch to Badger (one of two to find his safe paws) at backward point shortly after. The score moved from 90 – 0 to 122 – 5 with all bowlers keeping a tight line and being backed up with some excellent catching in the outfield especially from the skipper with two at mid-off. The pendulum swung again with Marlow doggedly working through some excellent spin from H Bomb and Chef and medium pace bowling Butternut. The 6th wicket fell with Marlow on 172. 

Marlow batted on with Mo their number 7 keeping the scoreboard ticking over and Chef taking wickets at regular intervals, Metal Micky had a tidy spell but it was the reintroduction of Spinach which produced another Michael Owen quote “You have to believe your own eyes, don’t you?” Luckily for the readers I have dug out some footage which recreates the moment that Mo smashes the ball off a length for Spinach to stick out his right hand and casually take the catch (Recreated by BT Sport featuring Jofra Archer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwJEnBfDzDw). From there, the final wickets tumbled with Marlow being bowled out for 208. Notable performances from the spin kings Chef and H-Bomb who ended with near identical figures of 3-30 odd off 7. Milly – brilliant fielding, nicknamed Skidders by the wags for sliding everywhere saving 20 runs, and also Jackie Chan showing some threatening martial arts skills at extra cover. A fine comeback and a Peckers record of 6/6 outfield catches being taken , unfortunately Muttley also got 100% dropping 3/3…!

Great turnout and support from the Spinach Clan

Badger recently asked Macca to be his best man and as the two strolled out to open there was hope in the air that the partnership would last longer their last outing at Outwood 2021. Unfortunately, after edging his first ball through the slips for four, Badger would glove behind his third ball. In came Milly who copped a short sharp delivery in the grill which prompted Macca to swap his floppy for Badgers oversized helmet. Regrettably, this didn’t prevent him getting bowled, giving Brent Lombard his second wicket. Most of our chance rested with H-Bomb delivering with the bat like he so often does. After a couple of bruising fours to whet the whistle Henners was caught for 10 leaving the Peckers 25-3 off 5 overs.

Milly, looked to have recovered from the early blow and steadied the ship with debutant Jackie Chan, both running well between the wickets in dispersed with the occasional boundary. Unfortunately Milly was bowled for 18 and Pancake/Jackie caught shortly after for 12.

The Euro Flypast went over Marlow too

With the Peckers reeling at 63-5 it looked as though a heavy defeat was on the cards, even if there were plenty of overs, it seemed no one had quite found the restraint required. Spinach started confidently, defending well, communicating well and clearly with Muttley allowing the score to tick over at the required rate. Soon after both were striking the ball very cleanly, Muttley with some superb cover drives and Spinach some outstanding sweeping/leg side heaving. At one point Marlow had four men on the leg side boundary however Spinach still managed to pierce the gaps or plonk it over the top which caused a very heated “discussion” between a couple of the South African Marlow contingent.

With Spinach passing his highest score for the Peckers it took Muttley out in the middle to wake the rest of the team from their Rebellion IPA slumber to give Spinach the biggest cheer of the match. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, when Marlow master Mo Munsha bowled Muttley for a superb 45 putting on a fantastic partnership of 94 with Spinach. This took us to 159-6 giving us a real chance needing 6.5 an over. With Captain Pob striding in we’d hope he could keep the scoreboard ticking over with Spinach boundary hunting. Regrettably, the packed leg side finally did its job and Spinach was caught on the boundary going for another 6. A fabulous innings.

Great 50 Spinach!

Butternut, Metal Mickey and Chef couldn’t quite live up to their bowling and all came and went leaving POB stranded again, this time for 19.

Two very evenly matched teams with two brilliant fightbacks for the Peckers, firstly reducing Marlow to 208 all out from 90-0 and then ourselves recovering from 63-5 looking dead and buried to finish on 190 all out. Just as the Saffers of Marlow Park triumphed, the national team wrapped up the T20 series too. Our Lionesses at least gave us some comfort. Presentations were made and shots downed by the newly engaged Badger/Burnley Badgerina and Man of the Match, Marlow’s Mo Munsha (3-43 and 43)

Outwood

A red weather warning accompanied the Woodpeckers on their quest for a (X)th victory of the season in a charming, yet largely breeze-less pitch with wooded surround.

11 punctual peckers met at the Bell Inn with adjoining chalet, as spectacularly spotted by an otherwise absent Snax, before Pob won the toss to send the Peckers into the field. 

Limousine on debut devours a sani in front of a happy Murphy

 Spinach & Bagpuss were both deliberate and unremitting in their approach with the hosts spluttering to a suffocating 11-2 after seven overs; the opening pair both sent packing for zip. Le Chat and his umpteen pints the day before at Greasey’s Shoesfest (collecting a staggering £8k) all congregating to deliver an unplayable ball which pitched outside leg and jagged back toclaim the very top of leg stump for ball of the day. Spinach had previously found the edge which carried through to Pippin who took comfortably. 

Spinny mantained the pressure by trapping No. 4 D Tunstall in front for 5 and ended a brilliant spell 2-13 before the first change. Mapuddah into the attack. If it wasn’t clear from his foggy fielding, the 18 runs off of his first and only over confirmed that there had indeed been a mix-up in his cigarette case back at the pub. This should have been obvious almost immediately when Snax got into the wrong car from the Bell Inn. Butternut didn’t do much better (15) including a beamer sailing over both bat and keep for four. Net session booked in for both. 

Sandwiched between this was a very handsome over from the Grease Man, clean bowling A. Crawford, oppo skip and No. 3 for just 13. Seamingly he and Cat had both beaten the head-aches well-earned from Shoesfest the day before in which Greasy pulled in a whopping £8k for his pub. 

Murph took his first wicket for the Peckers -and a very tidy spell all bowled off the wrong foot

A disorientated Mapuddah and the debut lads Shabby and Limo

The sun in no mood to relent beat down upon the Peckers as Outwood started to build with the help of Saffer import De Beer cutting through a now dizzying field like a diamond, pushing the home side to 147-5 after 27 overs. The excuse of high heat offering little consolation to Pobsy who saw a nick through to keeper Pippin put down and four balls miss-fielded in his first over including one which found the rope through three - separate - fielders. Cat, Greaser and Butternut’s detached fielding gave skip the fire in his belly to take 2 wickets including dismissing young Harry Crawford for 45.  

At 152-6 with 5 overs of the innings to come, Pirate stepped up with two overs of beautifully flighted offies, going for 9 and almost creating a half-chance for C&B. An excitable and light-footed jig half way down the track in response would have suggested the chance were far more clear cut. Good spell overall and could have stayed on.

Grease made up for his earlier mishap in the field with a catch in the covers off of Pobsy to make it 157-7. The Jeweller (De Beer) took advantage of the now wearying Woodpeckers and drove his side to an above par 207-7. An innings which had everything drew to a close. Stand-out performances from H Crawford (45) and K De Beer (74*) helped the hosts to recover from 45-4 to reach a very defendable 207.

Old friends Peckers and Outwood

 Pirate and Bagpuss were sent out with a required run rate of 6 and started well. Pirate fell in the fifth over playing on to his own stumps from a ball available to hit.

Pippin into the fold after a good show behind the stumps played sensibly alongside Bagpuss bringing the Peckers to 69-1 off of 14 overs. No nine lives for the Cat on this day as he fell for 39, furthering his case for future opening berths along the way.  

Greasy up to the plate and saw the ball well with early boundaries and continued to build strongly with Pippin providing great stability, both working hard in getting ahead of the run rate.  

Pippin slain on 39, unfortunate to miss out on a half-century but batted determinedly with some sumptuous cut shots to achieve his highest score for the Peckers and put on 86 with Greasy. 

Butternut next in managed a boundary and a single to depart for 5 after a chipping a catch to the grateful and widely electric Outwood field.  

Murph in now and tasked with looking after his average in order to protect the strong but frail-looking start, clipped two off his hip for four before being fooled by the slower ball and made to walk after an LBW decision.The middle order collapse now gaining momentum, the Peckers were relying heavily on big hitter Grease who clocked in his first pecker half-century making 53 off of 39 balls (8 4s, 1 6), before succumbing to the Saffer with 28 needed in the 7 overs left to play. 

Greasy and Pippin delighted after putting on 78 and both registering PBs for the Peckers

The Limousine produced an effective cover-whack for four before losing his middle stump on the next ball and was given his marching orders for the second time in 16 hours after a run-in at Fabric with a man (bouncer) about a horse (tranquilliser). 

Pob, unable to quell what was now a landslide, fell for 4 chipping to mid-off so it was now up to Snax and Spinach to get the chase back on track.  

With bat and batter as high as each other, Mapuddah missed a low straight one and handed the poison chalice over to new pecker Shabbi with only 12 runs needed from 18 deliveries. A batting performance every bit as permeable as his fielding led to the bails flying and with them the result. 3 hours of badminton the day previous and a sore wrist the culprits.  

It was a game won by Outwood in the middle order as there was an epic Peckers collapse losing 8 wickets for 39 runs.  It was also heavily influenced for a consecutive year by an Outwood overseas Saffer pro (K De Beer 74* & 2-14 off 7).

As the evening brought in a cooler breeze both sides shared a beer over absent friends. Outwood’s Phil Alexander died 5 years ago to the day and will be remembered for his enthusiasm and the fun he brought to the games. Tom Saxty sadly passed last week, playing for both Withyham and the Peckers and will be remembered for his great work behind the stumps and being a great guy on and off the pitch.  

All in all, a game which got away from the Peckers in a season full of close encounters. Fielding mishaps and wayward batting proving too strong a counterweight for a terrific bowling attack.  Outwood 207-7 beat Woodpeckers 196 all out by 11 runs. A brilliant innings by Greasy and unplayable spell of Spinach Swing bowling great highlights.

 https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5087167

Kew

Woodpeckers CC V Kew CC -10/07/22

Sunday, the Peckers were Kew bound,” a rare jewel where you can play and watch a high standard of Cricket, on a green of historic importance” Well there wasn’t much green to this green, more like Eden Gardens from the 1980’s. And the high standard of cricket was definitely in patches as you will see from this report.

It was also a big day for the Aussies, Tiddles was back, Chef had returned and 3 miles away we had the mighty controversial Nick Kyrgios going for glory at Wimbledon. We also had the Chef’s old prep schools captain in attendance Pete Mcgarry visiting from Melbourne. The Merry Dabbler after another late one seemd a little disorientated and needed the skippers help with finding the car park and his fielding position

Pob won the toss and inserted as it was getting hotter later and wanted to keep us away from the bar. Bagpuss was given the new cherry and started out Stuart Broad style with a 9 ball over, thankfully it went for 23 less than Broady’s) he unfortunately succumbed to a trapped nerve, and was sent to first slip or leg slip for the rest of the game were he took a grab off yours truly! Traash was was given the ball and asked by skip to create some magic, but may have been out with Dabbler/Merry.  

Tiddles next into the attack for his first spell, seemed a bit preoccupied with the upcoming State of Origin, no wickets in his first spell, unlucky with beautiful line and length. Next up we had the very economical Lav with some beautiful off spin, very unlucky in his first spell not to get amongst it. Pippin dropped a sitter and was lucky we did not have the armband as he probably would have worn it for the whole innings.

Kew had skipped away to 68/0 at the drinks break after 15 overs and we were staring at chasing a large total / After consultation with his school captain McGarry we kept the spin theme going with Chef. He needed a big performance to back skipper’s selection after first two outings were howlers, hamstring issues and multiple dropped catches. Very 1st ball after drinks full and straight from Chef and Blits bowled for 25. Chef quickly had Newton snaffled at slip by Bagpuss, and then bowled Stukins for a duck and the jug was on.

Groundskeeper had two spells, first was his interpretation of off spin which he made look easy, he was really enjoying it! His second spell was back to his medium pacers we’re he was called for two no balls for over stepping the crease, uncharacteristic for Keeper.

Second spells for Traash, no luck unfortunately though he did make a vital run out of Sam Portmann for 53..Lav got a well deserved caught and bowled. Tiddles back to his line and length reminded me of a young Glen McGrath, and was rewarded with a chance to get a hat trick removing Jain and Khan for ducks, Skip bought the field up but no joy for Tiddles McGrath. Must mention Moleman, great effort behind the stumps on a hot a dusty deck

The two Aussie Heroes Chef ‘n’ Tiddles bagged 5 wickets

Overall a great comeback from the bowlers, they put the brakes on, stopped Kew from amassing a big total, finishing about par with 190/8 on a bouncy turning deck.

Top Chef, Lav, Bagpuss, Muttley, McGarry, POB, Traash, Smeagol, Moleman JC Front -Tiddles, Merry , Pippin

Teatime served up in the Pavilion, and we also saw the arrival of Snax. Great tea served, most going for cold beverages and Mcgarry was keeping the barmaid busy serving cold Cobra. It was great to see John Campbell and loved his stories going back to the 60’s. 

Peckers padded up and off went the little Hobbits on to the dusty deck, they scampered away Pippin making 14 and Merry 18, they were facing some quick and accurate bowling from Kew, both caught out. Moleman fresh after his 100 stuck around for 14 going LBW. Next up Muttley, and again another LBW given by Snax, but had the consolation of his lovely family in tow, and now could spend some quality time with them. Great things were expected of Lav with a Pecker Average of 70 but he and was out C&B for 4, the crowd was watching a batting collapse, Tiddles and myself were getting nervous. Bagpuss strode out with my pads, must have been a bad omen, out for duck! The collapse had left us 57/5 still needing to hit the target of 192, it wasn’t looking good. Skip had a word with Traash to bat sensibly after his previous efforts had only yielded 3,0,1,0.. Groundskeeper joined him also needing redemption after scores of 0,3*,0 and seemed inspired with a swashbuckling 45 of 26 with 8 glorious fours including some glorious cover drives. The two Ben’s I never knew their real names until Skip told me, got batting redemption in style with a partnership of 70 taking us to 146-7

Smeagol warmly congratulated by Tugginmapuddah

Keeper departed and “the closer Pobsy” strolled out. Pobsy played a sensible and controlled innings with magnificent running between the wickets to get Traash on strike, He also was screaming for water breaks at every chance, seems like he was trying to break the drought. Traash with a brilliant 69 not out and he brought it home for the Peckers, Kew generally could not believe that we had come back from 57/5, you gotta love this team and the never say die attitude. It was a story of double redemption by men who needed it--Bowling by the Aussies and coach McGarry, and Batting by the two Bens, Traash and Smeagol. Brilliant Stuff!

Pobsy and Traash delighted

Skip wants to give a nod to the super coach PC Mcgarry who called for spin and more spin from his chair in the shade. He wanted to give him a nickname and the autistic memory kicked in remembering PC ‘McGarry’ no 452 a character from a 70s kids TV show Camberwick Green (of Windy Miller fame)Here’s his song

Blackheath

As the Woodpeckers descended on the idyllic Blackheath Cricket Club on a beautiful day for some village cricket, it had become apparent that this was not your typical Sunday village team.  Blackheath had won every sunday fixture this season and were littered with a number of very strong U15s county players, and the kiwi overseas pro. In addition, the days leading up to the game it was apparent this was a Pecker line-up loaded with bowlers but light on batting. It was going to require some inner grit and determination to score the likely runs required to win. As such it was agreed Blackheath were to bat first.

Spinach had the honour of bowling the first ball downhill and downwind. Apart from the loose first ball beamer, which went for four runs, he bowled quickly and aggressively trapping A.Jess for an early bath.

Bagpuss, who earlier in the week was attempting to boycott playing, slowly trundled in from the other end. With his 4th ball the Cat lured J.Riddy into a cover drive which was expertly caught by Pobsy as he dived forward in the covers. On a normal Sunday this may have been a top highlight, but the best was yet to come. A few balls later Bagpuss was back amongst the wickets thanks to a beautifully timed one handed catch by Motty in the gullu. Due to some excellent bowling and fielding Blackheath were on the ropes as another wicket fell leaving them 17-4.  

The good news continued with Greasy chipping in leaving Blackheath on 47-5. It seemed Blackheath were shortly after going to be 6 down with a caught behind. However, with the umpire not raising his finger and the batter failing to walk, Blackheath remained 5 wickets down (He went on to make 74). Runky and Smeagol bowled tightly (til his last over) towards the latter section of the innings but as the wickets started drying up the opposition started to find their rhythm. Otto was opening the batting, so in an unaccustomed 3rd change role took an excellent juggled caught and bowled with his slower ball but sadly shortly after pulled a hammy fielding on the 45 to Runky

Otto carried off by team mates

 For the remaining overs Blackheath knocked it around nicely making a score of 178-8 from their 35 overs. The Peckers fielding had been excellent with scribe Pippin also taking 2 good grabs for the Shire, and excellent bowling too. Cat 3-15 and Spinach 2-30 the main wicket takers For a pitch that had short boundaries and was dryer than the Sahara desert this seemed under par. There was nothing under par about the tea though which was voted ‘best of the season’ with plentiful hot sausage rolls infused with onion chutney the MOM.

The lovely Blackheath tea ladies with the remnants of the sausage rolls

The Peckers were now left without the replacement opening batsman.  Following a dice throw between Bagpuss and Spinach, it was Bagpuss who took on the opening responsibilities. The Cat’s average in 2022 to this point was 1.5, in economical terms this equated to £50 per run with his new £400 pound bat, but he backed himself

The contrasting figures of Pippin and Bagpuss go out to open

 After a relatively slow start Pippin lashed at one outide off and was caught at first slip for 4 runs (another early exit). Next in was Chibby who started off aggressively with a lobbed straight drive for four runs. However the young long haired quick bowler from Blackheath soon sent Chibby back to the Pavilion. The next delivery went from bad for worse for the Peckers as Gaunty went for a golden duck.  Next in was Traas who had scores of 3, 0 and 1 in his last three innings so was in much need of some runs.  On a hat trick ball the young, Jason Gillespie, ran in with speed and aggression. Traas clearly getting distracted by his luscious locks he played and missed at a straight one. With a stunning hat trick suddenly the Peckers were 4 down. Undisturbed by what was happening at the other end Bagpuss started to mount a challenge. Only dealing in boundaries, Bagpuss, started to create some excitement on the boundary line.

However, the wickets kept to tumble with Greasy, Smeagal, Pobsy and Spinach only contributing a further 3 runs. The peckers were now 8 down with the previous 8 batsmen only contributing a measly 12 runs. Motty’s replacement, Charlie Pugh, who was 13, small in stature, but had better composure than the majority of the Peckers on Sunday was a brilliant partner to Bagpuss. The Cat continued to play with confidence, hitting the overseas spinner for two towering sixes, and bringing up his 50. Bagpuss ended with a valiant 61.  Runky remained 4 not out after a delicious late cut, which will do wonders for the average. The Peckers were quickly bowled out for 103. Several ales were consumed in the evening sun, as we reflected on a game of two halves.

Bagpuss and Beearon return

Millie, Spinach, Traaash, Pobsy, Greasy, Pippin, Chibby -Front - Bagpuss, Otto, Beearon, Myrtle, Smeagol

Pobsy’s sis and nieces were over from Aus and reunited with the lovely Pugs

Withyham

After two ties and a super over, for the peckers 10th match of the season the fitting venue of Withyham CC awaited. Nestled in the Earl de la Warre’s estate the ground was the perfect picturesque village scene. A quaint clubhouse surrounded by marvellous oaks opened out to a sloped square guarded by generous boundaries. The club is supported by the Dorset arms a friendly and inviting pub offering an excellent range of real ales, lagers, and wines and appropriately this was to be our meeting point.

The day began with the usual rousing of several of the young peckers. Pippin, having not heard from his brother Merry, had to use all his Hobbitting intuition to break into ‘Bag End’ and awaken a very unmerry Merry. Similarly, Pobsy, although thankfully not having to break in, was tasked with rousing Trash. I have to thank new housemate Moley .After a very long windy journey most peckers arrived at the Dorset arms where we were treated to some delicious Harvey ale. As we regaled tails of the previous night, we were treated to a spot of hungover parking from Trash who had managed to block the pub car park for the Father’s Day punters. Before Pobsy could go into any more detail into the origins of his jaw injury it was time for the toss. Surprisingly the toss resulted in the Peckers having a bat first, smelling salts had to be administered to several stunned players and Otto trotted back to the pub for a couple of flagons of Harveys . This brought the young Hobbit brothers to the crease, who set about picking off the loose deliveries.

Brothers Pippin and Merry

Pippin in particular showed great poise in cutting the opening bowler for consecutive boundaries. The fast start brought a change in the bowling and the wily left arm spinner duly delivered the breakthrough; Pippin magnificently caught in the slips by Withyham skipper Mike for a brisk 18. As the scoring slowed, Merry still feeling the effects of the previous night’s/morning’s endeavors, tickled one behind for 8.  

This brought Pirrate and Moleman to the crease. After hoisting a couple of lusty blows over the bowler’s head, Pirate preceded to supply several stumping opportunities. One can only assume that the keeper was wearing one or even two of Pirate’s eye patches as he repeatably knocked the bails off without the ball. After a fiery 29 Pirate holed out in the deep which brought a grumpy Trash to the middle. After exclaiming that he “could hardly lift the bat” he was reprieved on 0 by a generous ‘no ball’ call from the Beearon and mercifully sent packing, brilliantly caught and bowled for 3.

The tight bowling from Withyham had slowed the peckers scoring and singles where the order of the day for the next couple of overs. However, after the spin duo had finished their allocation, Withyham’s bowling options began to dwindle. The replacement bowlers proceeded to supply a plethora no balls, which the duo of Lamby and Moleman were unable to fully capitalise on. This seemed to rouse the peckers on the boundary who began to applaud the resulting singles loudly. One particular single from Lamby was cheered so boisterously that many mistakenly thought it was to signal his fifty.

Meanwhile Moleman at the other end was showing what can be achieved with a decent night’s sleep. He is wonderful to watch, scoring freely off front and back foot whilst showing solid defence when required. He struck 13 4s and a 6 in a glorious 102 not out. His 1st ton for the Peckers and indeed the first Club Ton of the season.. This is due reward for some excellent batting and keeping

Moley warmly congratulated by the Beearon

 After finally dismissing a couple of loose deliveries to the boundary the peckers finished on an above par 238 off the allocated 35. Lamby finishing on a run a ball 30. On a slow wicket this would be a tough chase for the “bowler heavy” Withyham side.

An excellent tea of sandwiches and an especially varied supply of cakes provided exemplary fuel for the bowling to come. Tea also gave an opportunity for the peckers and Withyham to join together to send their best wishes to Tom Saxty who is unwell in hospital. Tom a prodigious Withyham run scorer was given his senior debut by Pobsy aged 12, and has appeared twice for the Peckers and is a great friend of the club.

George ‘Fancy Pants’ Rook a 2nd cousin of Pobsy was making his Pecker Debut having just finished his A-Levels. He was supported by parents Egg and Princess Kindly, Grandma Queen Kindly and cousin Wheezy another keen cricketer who’ll debut next year.Motty and new pecker Fancy pants were tasked with delivering the new ball. Both started miserly and restricted the run rate well. This forced the openers into elaborate down the track charges. Motty responded by finding the top of the openers off stump and Fancy Pants followed soon after with his first Pecker’s wicket after several impressive pacey overs.

Fancy Pants steams in from the pavilion end

The Baron was then introduced and found a wicket with his first ball. Flight and guile were the order of the day for the Baron who bowled quite beautifully to restrict the Withyham scoring. He prized out a further two wickets, including a lovely grab from Fancy Pants who added a first Pecker’s catch to his wicket, darling Baron finishing with figures of 3-12 from his 7. Beearon was delighted that it was the first week that 3-4 catches hadn’t been spilt off his bowling, not a 1(Fancy Pants didn’t get the memo)

Whilst Baron had been wreaking havoc at one end, Spinach had been angrily running in the from the other. He produced some considerably bounce and was unlucky not to pick up a wicket. Pippin started well with his off spin, but by this point the Withyham middle order had got their eye in and his final over was picked off with some strong blows up the hill.  

The remaining bowlers were tasked with constricting the inform batsmen. Pobsy and Merry bowled relatively tightly but the withering fielding was allowing boundaries. Pirate was introduced and was unfortunate not to have a wicket as Trash shelled a strong contender for drop of the season. At one point the chase looked a possibility with Withyham, gaining momentum, needing 110 from the final ten. However, some tight bowling from Trash and Fancy Pants restricted the scoring sufficiently for the Peckers to get over the line. Withyham finishing on a respectable 189 for 5 which gave the peckers a 5th victory of the season.

Despite some tired grunts from Merry and Trash the peckers took in some post game Harvey’s at the Dorset arms, a lovely way to round off another victory. Next week it’s on to Blackheath where another strong eleven will look to keep the Peckers bandwagon rolling.

Chiddingfold

And so the Woodpeckers caravan rolled on to the beautiful Surrey Hills village of Chiddingfold, which on this gorgeous Sunday was subject to various road closures with diversions that seemed to lead to further blocked roads, caused by jack-knifed trailers. As the skipper had pulled the match start forward a number of us were caught up but even with the extended delays we all managed to congregate at the wonderful pitch by 1.30pm and got a start in just after. POB had won the toss and chosen to field and so with limited warm up the peckers strolled into the glorious Sunday sunshine.

With the test match on Sky Sports, the remining peckers not playing had a decision to make, watch the test or tune into YouTube to watch the Woodpeckers. By the end of this those that stayed watching the test will rue the missed opportunity to a superb ending to a wonderful day.  

To those that don’t know the Chiddingfold pitch is small but perfectly formed on a bit of a hill, with roads on 2 sides and some houses and a school fairly close on another. The pavilion and nets taking the final end. 2 of the 4 boundaries this week were particularly close.   

We opened with Felix rolling down hill, but within three balls The Cat was complaining to the skipper about the foot holes on the bowling crease, but he saw out a maiden over. This brought Snax to the game early bowling up hill with his lovely medium pace. He bowled well and deserved his spell of 4 overs keeping things tight. This bought Lav on down the hill bowling some quality medium pace which got the first wicket of the match.

Benbough and Roberts settled in for the next 13 or so overs picking off the odd bad ball from the Peckers. The Cat came back into the fray after 4 tight overs from Snax and felt more comfortable running up hill and with new recruit Fergie (Black Eye or Ronan) coming down the hill with some quality medium pace and a smattering of beamers. The Cat made the breakthrough having Roberts caught behind. Fergie was unlikely not to take one with Chef dropping an absolute sitter, 3 times we think. This did earn a long stint with the Armband.  

Being only a 35 over game the middle order came in swinging and hit a fair few runs but we kept getting wickets regularly with the Baron coming on, tying up an end and securing 2 wickets in his 7 overs including the opener Jack who had scored and impressive 60  off 69 balls. This like the test match was also a game of dropped catches. I think I counted 7 chances of which a couple of tough ones With 7 overs shared between Mutley and Chef and some fairly short boundaries we did well to both restrict the runs and continue taking wickets with the latter showing his earlier drop was a clanger by holding on to one from his own bowling.  

With the Cat and Lav still with overs in hand they were brought back for the last 5 overs and tore into the Chiddingfold Tail so bowling them out for 205 in 34.3 overs. Lav taking 4-25 and The Cat 3-21

The tea was a gorgeous little affair with a few delicious sarnies,  watermelon and Chocolate cake. And tea….surprisingly for us.

Back - Moleman, Bagpuss, Pobsy, Chef, Beearon. Front - Lav, Muttley, Kwakka, Mapuddah, Fergie

And so started the peckers innings. Kwakka and Mutley were sent to the middle and started well with a few fours being cut to the short boundary. The Chiddingfold opening bowlers were good but most of their balls were outside the off stump until Mutley missed a straight one and was bowled for 10. This drew Moleman to the crease, after some exceptional work behind it (including a cracking stumping off Baron), who was flying along until he was caught and bowled.  

This bought Lav to the crease and he stroked his way to an impressive 76 from only 44 deliveries with Kwakka (46) pushing us towards the target. Potty came in at the fall of Kwakka and gave some catching practice to the slip cordon before Lav was joined by Fergie who hit a useful 33 to get us to 182 for 5 and insight of a victory. However, the peckers tail did not wag as usual and with the quick loss of Chef, The Cat and Snax it was left to the skip and Baron to close the game out.  Many Peckers were tuned in watching the amazing climax on Youtube.

We needed 6 to win off the last over, being bowled by the tricky off spin of Wood. Baron is not known for running, especially quick singles but between the Skip and him they scampered 5 singles to tie the scores and the end of the 35 overs.   

As we were walking off, with the second Peckers tie in 2 weeks, it was decided that we would go for a super over and as we had been batting the peckers would head straight back out. This was the first Super Over in Peckers History and very exciting. Lav and Kwakka were quickly padded up and out to face an over from the young Chiddingfold opener. The batsmen shared the strike and rattled off a quick 17 runs which seemed like a great total.  

However, with Potty having gone early the Peckers took the field with a substitute fielder and Lav bowling. Unfortunately, we encountered some interesting umpiring with 2 wides being given for the first 2 balls of the over, which were generous to say the least. We thought they needed 8 off 1 ball, but it turned out to be 2 with the wide confusion. Chidd captain Wood hit a big 6 and they managed to scamper 2 off the last ball to win by the barest of margins. 

Another lovely Sunday afternoon with the Peckers with an amazingly close finish again. 2 ties in a row definitely a club record.

https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5089101

You can watch videos of all the wickets here, though not the Super Over sadly

Our batting heroes Kwakka and Lav

Tilford

Platinum Jubilee weekend celebrating 70 years of our Queens service, fitting that the Peckers would play one of their longest-serving fixtures (50+ years) at the uniquely charming Tilford. The Jubilee celebrations meant there were guest ales to sample from Tilford's local brewery. The sweet woody smell of a pizza oven in the air was accompanied by a medley of casual jazz and classic guitar hits; all played live.

The long bank holiday weekend had also prevented our new, young, energetic, “got in at 5 am” Peckers from playing. The allure of a “chilled” weekend in Biarritz or a not so chilled weekend in Budapest had trumped this Woodpeckers fixture. As a result, it was a more vintage collection of Peckers on display for our annual Tilford fixture. Most notably, we were joined by The Gaunts. Richard Gaunt, leading Malmsbury wicket-taker for over 20 years, and his London based son James, both excellent friends of Woodpecker legend – Rossi. Richard's previous turn out for the Peckers was ten years prior at the request of Rossi, fond memories were shared, and even Rossi’s old jumper would be worn by Richard on his 2nd turn out for the Peckers.

I did not have the pleasure of meeting Rossi, but he had a profound effect on all who did, and his legacy of generosity is what makes the sight of his old jumper “a moment”.

With Rain forecast at 5 pm, POB and Ramekin (Tilford Skipper) agreed on a sensible 30 over game. 2022 has already seen several tight finishes, with the Peckers chasing an aggressive run rate to win. This fact or our impressive array of 2 seamers compelled Pobs to bowl 1st.

Spinach/ Her Royal Highness opened up from the Barley Mow end, the traditional chin high loosener nowhere to be seen, on the money from ball 1. Similarly, from the barn end, Motty strangles the scoring and provides our 1st chance and delivery of the armband of shame. Potty was set to have an eventful day; his intercostal muscle damaged from some overzealous mattress removal earlier in the week has meant he was limited to gully and 1st slip. Motty had made a delivery loop off the shoulder of the bat in the direction of Potty; he did instruct his body to move to the ball; it simply couldn’t respond to the intercostal damage and only let out a groan instead.

Both openers had started to settle, and the run rate was creeping up; Woodpeckers needed a wicket; Pobs turned to Ma Puddah, whose action was extracting maximum drift and seam from the overcast conditions and resulted in the bowling of 1st teamer Wrenn. Snax/ Ma Puddah finished with 1- 27 from his three overs. This encouraged Henners, who had been given the ultimatum to “only bowl if its seam”, to charge off his long run. This worked; he bowled opener Wilson and Thursby at 5 with a delightful drift away medium pace action, 2 – 10 off his four overs. The Tilford number 4 Branns was now settling into a rhythm helped by a traditional collection of dropped catches from the Peckers, most notably Spinach’s on the boundary – run in, stop, slide and miss over the head for 4; Tilford is a difficult place to field.

Just as the run rate looked like it was going to accelerate, the spin partnership of Runky and Gaunt removed 2 of Tilford's middle order for less than six runs and the aggressive innings of Tilford's number 3 Branns bowled for 41. Gaunt finished with 2 – 15, Runky 1-22 and Woodpeckers very much in the driving seat. These wickets then brought the skipper Ramekin (Ramasar ) to the middle, whom Peckers will recall scored an aggressive ton in the beating heat of 2021, and Tilford youth coach Sholbo – Daylo. These 2 addressed the slowing scoring rate of Tilford and set about sweeping and driving to the short barn road boundary. This was accompanied by some traditional Woodpecker’s dropped catches, and the last five overs felt like a slog, running up and down the Tilford slopes or collecting balls from near the stream. Pirate and Pob both bowling an over each for 17 and 7, respectively; when all was said and done, Tilford were 165 for 6 – Captain Ramekin and Sholbo-Daylo 42 and 24 not out.

Tea was held in the Barley Mow marquee until the rain arrived, so a swift turn around and Woodpeckers opened up with a father and Son Gaunt combination. Young James is familiar with the new cherry seaming around but perhaps not so familiar with the village conditions of a June Tilford wicket. The opening few overs from Tilford’s left arm over Stones were unplayable. Bowling at the exact right pace up the hill with a keeper stood up, the occasional ball leaping into your neck off a good length. Tilford is a hard place to bat.  

Gaunt Junior looked promising until a skied drive to mid off for 6; more is to come from this chap; come back soon. This brought Pirate to the wicket wielding Snax’s newly gripped cutlass (Snax fitted a grip with no gripping cone, but with a plastic bag – Youtube is amazing). Pirate and Gaunt both settled in and were now scoring more freely until Gaunt Senior bowled by Branns darty style of offspin for 15. This same darty offspin would do for Pirate after a classy 23, including some rootesque nudges to 3rd man and fine leg (it’s a Yorkshire thing). Henners in at 4, now carrying the hopes of the Woodpeckers on his shoulders, was finding the middle and fielders, but on the ground, he has scored a 100; he was our best chance of meeting the now climbing run rate of 7 an over. Kwakka struck some uncharacteristic 6’s to the short boundary but ran himself out for 17; next up? Potty at six nursing an intercostal strain. Beware the injured golfer is a phrase (Thanks, Horse), I’m not sure it applies to cricket, but Potty struck his 2nd ball for a glorious 6, which unfortunately destroyed the back window of a nearby Honda. Picture attached (taken for insurance purposes)

Wrenn-selydale was now bowling the remaining overs for Tilford and at sufficient pace to make scoring challenging; he removed Potty for seven and the “in form” Pobs for 2. With the scoring rate remaining at seven an over with Henners at the crease, this is always possible; when he holed out to deep mid-off for 24, Runky stated: “well, it's all over”. This motivated the incoming Spinach, who was now at the crease with Motty

Otto lashes out

.. Faced with 7.5 an over, the 2 of them set about Tilford bowling with both conventional and unconventional shots to exploit the short boundary. Not another nail-biting finish? Spinach adopted the reverse lap; Motty the lofted straight drive; when we fell off the rate, one of them would get us back on it. If it were not a shot from one of them, an entertaining overthrow/ buzzer would move us closer to the target.

The run chase was into the last over when Spinach had to run on a clothed ball from Wrenn, which resulted in an easy run out for 19. Great effort from spinach, one the queen would have approved of. We still had Motty at the crease, eye in and striking it well. The requirement was six from 4 to win; Snax wore one on the pads, scampered single and took a tumble. The next ball saw an easy one turn into a 2 with a buzzer, leaving three from 2 to win. Motty’s well-struck off drive deserved more than the one it received, leaving Ma puddah/ Snax to face the final ball: 2 to win, 1 to tie. Cricket was the winner as the ball struck Snax’s pads and another scampered single levelled the scores. Motty finished on a match-winning 24 accompanied by Snax 0, not out.  

What a match; it was followed by coronation sandwiches and swiss roll in the Barley Mow washed down with Shere drop. On the finest days: Queens Jubilee, England winning a test match; what could be better? Maybe the lads on their way back from Budapest and Biarritz have an answer to that question? 

Headley

The Woodpeckers have graced many grounds over their proud history, and Headley has been a firm favourite for over 50 years, and the bonds between past players and the ground have been immortalised by a loving memorial bench at the ground for POBsy’s dear parents, so it was fitting that the team sheet included three Owen-Brownes. 
The group whatsapp was abuzz on Saturday as the lads were at the Twickenham Sevens dressed up as chickens.  (Housewives took to the internet to complain that Marrigolds we’re in short supply in South London )

Traash, Bagpuss and Dabbler looking finger lickin’ good

POBSY worriedly was checking the whereabouts of the youth team members and when they were last seen on Whatsapp on the morning of the game  at 5.37 am…  

The rest of the team arrived early to practice on possibly the liveliest club ground net on the circuit, a surface that prepared the mind for an even livelier rock hard pitch out in the middle. On paper, our squad looked to be bristling with batsmen though we were unusally light on medium pacers, on a ground which doesn’t suit spinners.

  POBsy was left with little choice but to bat first, as our youth section (Felix,Traash, Dabler and Moleman)  didn’t reach the ground until twenty minutes after the start. We were also live scoring on play cricket opff an I-Pad for the 1st time ever. A reshuffle of the batting order saw the Peckers open with Ed Owen-Browne and Pirate, against an accurate Headley pace attack, and former Tonbridge 1st 11 opener Edob was out cheaply splicing a pull shot. This led to a more than useful partnership developing between Lamby and Pirrate GaRRR, taking us to 72 after 11 overs, before Pirate was out after notching a battling 24, who was quickly followed by JOBBY O-B playing his 1st Peckers game for 22 years. He got an unlucky played on off his glove but took his early departure to a ball that spat with the same good grace that he displayed the entire day.

Happy Jack, Foxy and Marmahead enjoy a delicious bubble gum ice cream

In walked Dabbler, who was studious in his approach, trying to focus after the massive day and night before. Headley’s young medium pace duo of Charlie Beall and Toby Winslett bowled very well to our middle order and removed Lamby who went for a hard earned 31 from 54. Moleman joined Dabbler who was trying to ignore heckling from the sidelines in reaction to a faltering run rate -10 off 40 balls at one stage, (“come on… how long does it take to get your eye in…” was the only printable quote). When the two youngsters had bowled their allocation of 7, some acceleration occurred, Dabbler recovered to finish well and top score with 40 from 69, and Moleman a very useful 30 from 30 balls. Felix (exhausted form heckling) and Traash (got a tough lbw) went cheaply as wily Headley Secretary Andy Pickering took 3-31 This left stalwart POBSy (7 not out, great for his average), and such was the captains commitment  that he thought nothing of calling Snax for a quick single after the latter was still checking his remaining teeth after edging one into his face, and the hapless Mappudah was duly run out . Sorry Snax 2 balls left in the innings

So we ended on 176-9 after 35 overs… it seemed 20 runs below par. We didn’t utilise the short roadside boundary,  failing to notch up a single six in our innings… would it be  a mistake the home team would not make? Time would tell… It was unfortunate that our three big hitting types Traaash, Edob and Jobby were all out for a total of 2 with a lot of bad luck involved 

The highlight of tea was some delicious home made cakes -Peckers were well behaved due to hangovers, and a need to focus on fielding. We also had a wonderful set of supporters -Horse with foals and Girlfriend Lala on Pecker debut + extra friends, Ched and his keen young colts and some Lambys and Hobby O-B also came along.

A wonderful group of Peckers and spectators grace the Owen-Browne bench (lovingly restored by Headley -thanks)

The Headley openers came out to a cloudy sky and it seemed perhaps we had had the best of the batting conditions on a pitch that looked to assist our talented opening attack of Felix and Traash. Felix bowled a lovely, controlled spell and perhaps deserved better than 2-18 off 7…and was then ably replaced by more seam options in Lamby, who bowled tightly to keep the game in the balance. Pobsy came on for a rare bowl due to the dearth of medium pacers - 1st ball was straight but opener Jenkins decided this was the time to go and struck the first two of an octet of sixes by Headley.  

Runky came on but the short boundaries and Left-Right Combos didn’t suit the Beearon as he was hit for further 6s and unluckily had a catch put down after confusion between EDOB and Dabbler. The Peckers needed wickets, as opener Jenkins and Captain “Kate” Winslett looked to be controlling the game and the run rate… Snax duly obliged dismissing both of them in his two overs, which though expensive (two more sixes from captain Kate) , gave us more than a fighting chance after 27 overs, with Headley still needing 40 off 8 with four wickets left. Mapuddah’s 1st over was a cracker. 

Pobsy turned to cousin JOBBY, who bowled a very tidy left arm darts with no luck as several balls grazed the stumps. Traash had 2 overs left as a last roll of the dice but we were unable to make a further breakthrough, and contributions from young son of skipper Toby Winslett helped Headley win in the penultimate over, in a tightly contested match. https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5397443

A few ales were had and pleasantries exchanged. The presence of Headley President Sir Michael Pickard led to a conversation after the game about a letter in the clubhouse penned by Sir John Major when he was PM, a celebrated cricket fan and friend of Sir Michael’s to celebrate Headley’s centenary. A quote from the letter seems to sum up why we all turn up on a Sunday…

“ I am glad to hear that you are keen to enjoy the social side as well as the playing side since it is this that marks cricket apart as a game for players of all ages and abilities”… So true….

Peckers up !! Can’t wait for Glorious, jubilee Tilford next week 🙏

Complete with the reflection of an ale, and Pobs and Pirrate enjoying the last one of the day

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Ham and Petersham

Match report (Australian edition) by Alex Jay 

There was a strong antipodean flavour to the Woodpeckers for the new fixture at Ham and Petersham. The skipper POBs wanted to inject a ruthless edge to his Pecker outfit and recalled a trusted trio of senior Australians to intimidate the new oppo. The chef aka meals on wheels, AJ and Tiddles were all brought back in after absences of 20years, 6 years and nine months respectively. Pob also hammered on the door of Smeagol’s boat to awake him as a last minute replacement for the stricken Traaash. This was the 1st of many medical issues to arise, most aptly on a Doctor’s return Another new face debutant Nick aka keg o’Martini courtesy of cousin David, made an excellent early impression being the first to the New Inn for a pre game lager.  

Ham and Petersham looked to be a classic London fixture located in the heart of Richmond with the pitch and oval merging with the common meaning plenty of casual spectators were able to enjoy the game as they walked dogs on the beautiful spring afternoon. The fixture also proved an ideal opportunity for Peckerettes and Peckerinos to watch and there were several notable appearances including Pecker stalwart Windy and family making warmly received appearance. Cyoungy, Lucy and baby Luca(on debuts), Avocado leading a fine Spinach support band, and a large Otto-clan 

Spinach, Avocado, and Dr Robyn Jay in the light blue shirt

I can’t recall whether there was a coin toss or some sort of arrangement but in any case the Peckers were in the field and we were playing a 40 over a side game.Tiddles bowled economically with the new rock that coincidently had been purchased by the skipper for 13 pounds reduced from 50 from the Liverpool cricket association. In the end it was an excellent example of line and length bowling appropriately rewarded with figures of 2-26.  

Spinach started less economically with a procession of byes. He was unlucky when one was edged through the slip cordon and didn’t go to hand. Sensing an opportunity Cousin David attempted to throw down the stumps succeeding only in winging the retreating keeper Molely in the back with a wayward throw in what can only be described as village. Following the 1st Spinach was threatened with an early rest by skip , quickly found his rhythm and pace and came back strongly with 2 wickets in his second over finishing with figures of 3-13 in an impressive spell. 

 Groundskeeper replaced Tiddles and like his predecessor worked into his spell superbly and out of all the Pecker bowlers probably exploited the green top deck the best with several deliveries rearing off a good length with a number of plays and misses. During his spell there was an excellent piece of fielding by Henners with first, a sliding save at deep point and then culminating in a powerful flat throw from the boundary for a runout. Excellent piece of fielding.  

The chef or “meals on wheels” back from a long hiatus looked sharp in his first over sending several balls pinging off the deck; until in his second over it was his hamstring that went ping. The Chef courageously finished the over bowling off spin but unfortunately his day was over, and a shoeless Dill the Dog was on hand to sub field at slip.

Olly Mott bowled well up the hill and was miserly giving up only 14 runs in his five over spell. In a clever piece of game management Olly set up their number 7 with a sucker ball that Tiddles snaffled diving low at square leg.  

The spinners bowled well in tandem and, to continue with the Australian analogies, evoked memories of the late Shane Warne aka “earl of twirl” and Tim May “Sheik of tweak” during the 1993 Ashes tour. Henners bowled with loop and drift without much assistance from the wicket and finished well with 1-21 from his five claiming the key wicket of their South African import for 73. Cousin bowled several hissing leg breaks that threatened and was unlucky to finish wicket less for 22 runs of his three overs.When the forty overs were done Ham and Petersham were 8/174 in a good bowling and fielding display by the Peckers.

back -Caramel, Tictac, Avocado, Smeagol, Kegger Martini, Chef, AJ, Brienna

front -Tiddles, Moley, Pob, H-Bomb, Spinach, Otto, Harry

 Tea was served in a small change room at the north of the common. It was a good spread with plenty of variety. Moleman in a genius move went for the pre tea covert chunder in the outfield to make some extra space for more chocolate biscuits. Several other Peckers despite having existing “gastro” issues opted for the chicken with the extra hot sauce. It was a gamble that was eventually to pay off but could have just as easily proven costly.  

Martini opened with his old chum Cousin David who proudly strode to wicket with two different brands of pads on each leg and sunglasses with no hat. This rock star move clearly rattled the opening bowlers as he administered a series of well timed horizontal bat shots taking full advantage of the short boundaries and fast outfield.  Eventually both succumbed with Cousin caught from an excellent diving catch for an entertaining 16. Martini was yorked by the opening bowler who at this point had reverted to pace for a stylish 20 -all in 4s

 Henners came to the wicket at 2/35 and had just witnessed AJ charge past one from the other end for a golden duck. This brought Moleman out and the pair set about shifting the momentum back into the Peckers favour. Henners batted with poise and power hitting several sixes and demoralising a procession of opposition bowlers. It was an innings typified by class cricket shots that were hit threw and not across the line. Eventually he was dismissed for 79 but he had completely swung the pendulum back to the Woodpeckers favour and the game was essentially over

Henners comes back after 70 off 35…Smeagol has clearly forgotten the precious

Henners was well supported by Moleman who also played an innings of class, competent off the front and back foot and deserved his average boosting 52 not out.  The Woodpeckers chased down 174 with 4 wickets down and 22 overs to spare. It was a convincing victory but an entertaining game and the teams shook hands a before heading to the New Inn for a pint. https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5373211

In what was a strange business decision the New Inn elected to close at 8PM at the height of festivities. We did buy the oppo some Ales as they were clearly still shell-shocked from the Henners barrage

Unperturbed the remaining Peckers (Captain POB, AJ, groundskeeper and Tiddles) boarded a crowded Richmond bus ‘en route to greener pastures. On the bus it became quickly evident that captains POBs goal was to talk to every passenger in as many broken languages as possible. A goal he almost succeeded in achieving. No language or cultural custom was spared as he launched into conversations and hand gestures in Hindi, German and at one point the skipper even had a crack at Caribbean English or Creole to an extremely understanding woman who had just finished her retail shift.  

The Peckers had drink at a second pub before deciding that the Cricketers Arms nestled in a beautiful part of Richmond might have a better vibe. On entering the Cricketer’s arms the Peckers stumbled upon the final stages of pub quiz night. In another antipodean coincidence the song in question was the great 90s Australian grunge anthem “Pure massacre” from Silverchair. The Peckers, well refreshed at this point, elected to answer the question whilst not actually being in the quiz..we chose wisely to retreat outside and then onto the final pub next door the Prince’s head .At some point between the first and second makers mark whiskies my cricket bag was noticed to be missing.. I ran back to pub 2 but it wasn’t there. We assumed all was lost but as we emerged from the Prince’s Head, The quiz master/barmen emerged from the Cricketers with my bag. It was a great relief and end to a fabulous Peckers return!

AJ, Tiddles, Pobsy and Smeagol at the Cricketers

HAC

The HAC is a remarkable ground but also has a reputation for the wicket to be similar to Luton’s runway and this was only enhanced after the serious lack of April showers. HAC Sunday side is the strongest of the two, and this year they are overloaded with very good players. Captain Pobsy was slightly concerned by the teams’s 100% record including thrashing Grannies ( a strong wandering team) by 7 wickets, and even more concerned by the HAC skipper’s comments for this week.. ‘What a team we have! all eleven could opening the batting.. But there lies a problem. The batting order...’ I picked up Pobsy and Smiggel and we got caught in one way systems in the City before he piped up ‘Come this way Hobbitzees -I know a secret passage…follow me’

Myrtle looking forward to the game

Pobsy decided that letting them bat first may be the wisest course, so were took the field. We were all ready, but there was one problem… we were missing a player as Dabbler was refusing to leave the changing room as a plastic folk was not included in his pasta pot meal deal to try ease his hangover from his 6.30am finish . Luckily Cat(??) was on hand to offer him some counselling. As for the rest of the peckers, it was the usual pre-match warm up of tossing a ball to each other and showing the opposition how poor our fielding can be.

It was Pobsy’s new favourite, Trash, to open the bowling, and he did so with some of the best line & length bowling a Peckers team have witnessed in a while, and he trapped opener, Parry ( 17 runs), and then castled Moulton with a jaffa 2nd ball HAC 25-2 game on!. First change was Groundskeeper Smiggle. He however had a torrid time in the field (usually very handy but on this occasion dropping 2 catches )- perhaps Cousin le Davide’s surprise visit on Smiggle’s houseboat on Saturday may have fogged his vision. Smiggle made up for this by taking the handy wicket Ritzema caught by Traash tidily for 43. Greasy replaced Spinach the other and bowled another tidy spell. 

With the partnership increasing, on came the trusty off spinner and gun bat, Henners aka H-Bomb for his first game of the season. He bowled with some lovely flight that really tempted the batsman after a few economic overs from Henners, the batsmen starting to swipe at EVERYTHING with cries of ‘catch’ after almost every ball. HAC captain (Casey 54) looked a very decent bat but he skied one high into mid wicket right under my nose but I completely lost sight of the ball, thankfully with The Moleman running in aback stuck out his go-go-gadget arms took a fantastic catch on debut

With two very good batsman in at 5 & 6 pobsy turned to The Cat (fourth change) One can only presume that pobsy was trying to get Cat steaming in angrily to get an extra 10 mph from him as he was in a very unrecognisable lovely & docile mood. Cats mood went back to its usual very quickly after he was brought off after 4 overs, with Henners visibly shocked at the feline anger . On came Butternut to bowl and it was a very brief spell after 2 balls were arrowed in full toss towards the batsman head! We had great support - Tugginmypuddah Snax & Aussie Chef,  Avocado and Swedie, Katie ‘Minty’ Moore Lambys Gf on Peckers Debut & Ulsterman father Gary ‘Shepherd’ Moore - Trash brought in some rather hungover looking mates inc Cally and Sally, perhaps to make dabbler feel a little better. 

It was now up to Spinach & Trash to bowl the final overs and with the Peckers fielders all getting rather bored with fetching the ball from the boundary, we started to lose our energy, . The two HAC batters continued their onslaught.  ED Jones described as a gun by Henners blocked a few on 90 in the last over, and was called out by Pobsy in the pub later for Jug Avoidance and batting for a red inker. HAC ended on 251 for 4 wickets.  Tea was assembled in the Queens room where a delicious selection of sandwiches was on offer. 

Dabbler & Lamby were sent in as the opening pair for the peckers. With Dabbler still looking rather jaded he was quickly dismissed for 4. In came The Moleman, batting with a mongoose bat & feeling confident after his fine fielding performance, looked solid and did a good job alongside Lamby to see off the new ball.

Moleman dismissed for a decent 18, his 1st bat for 6 years!

 Lamby inspired by Minty and under the watchful eye of the Shepherd battled very well for his 36 and also kept wicket exceptionally well. In came Henners who teed off straight away smacking a 6 into the leg side with the ball bouncing off a building and falling into a fielder’s hands with some very hopeful appeals from HAC. Henners then played what looked like was going to be ‘shot of the day’ but for a fantastic diving catch he was caught for 18 off 10 deliveries. Without boring you any further, the next 4 batters (Trash 6, groundskeeper 0, Cat 3 & Greasy 1) were all dismissed in the next 2 overs. With Pobsy and spinach now at the crease with more than 12 an over required, HAC bowlers continued to bowl a very tight line only offering a few singles an over. Spinach charged down the wicket to try and start some fireworks only to get stumped, and Butternuts bails then went flying, leaving the peckers on 113 all out with Pobsy not out on 5.

 The day ended with all players and spectators retiring to the Artillery Arms for a much needed refreshment after the Peckers were rather thrashed in the end. The day didn’t end there, its reported some peckers went long into the early hours of Monday morning… a truly splendid way to end a bank holiday weekend.

Sanderstead

When tasked with writing a match report, one will often attempt to find a theme of the day to write about. These themes often navigate around a coincidence of numbers, a historic fixture or a particular fondness for a certain refreshment, normally water based with delicate notes of malt and barley.  

The theme for Sunday’s match against Sanderstead however is not one which requires any grafting or persuading to make it a theme. It is simply the report of a fantastically close game between two evenly matched teams. Prior to this game lots of talk had been occurring on the Sanderstead WhatsApp chat. POB informed us we were due to play one of the strongest Sunday teams Sanderstead could put out so Motty suggested we do a little fielding game as a warmup., usually the Peckers had resorted to the usual warm up of an ale, a ciggie and a chin wag on the square. After his hound Harry had defiled the freshly painted crease, we did have a go at some sort of a fielding exercise but stopped promptly due to fears arising that Sanderstead’s confidence was beginning to grow due to our farcical display.

Dirty Harry

The usual prerequisite for the game saw us fielding first - POB getting concerned too many Surrey Ales were being consumed, hoped to dry us out in the field. The opening batsmen came to the crease, one of which was wearing a pair of black pads and a shirt with his name on the back spelling Greg. Poor old Greg had Bagpuss and Trasssh behind him in the slips, who made sure all the Peckers were well acquainted with his name . 

Spinach and Motty opened the bowling and kept a very handy batting pair in check, not letting the run rate get away from us. But it took until the ninth over before we claimed our first wicket, with Spinach getting his LBW appeal sending Carey back to the pav. Spinach ‘had a blow’ (1-25) and Motty finished in a similar style: (0-20)

Next to bowl was Groundskeeper and Cat. The pair are well used to partnering up from their days of Monkton cricket, although Cat’s white line fever seemed to have developed incredibly since then. Cat got off to a purring start, with a caught and bowled. I believe a chance came again in his second over, as the ball took a thick edge to whizz over the head and just past the hands of Trasssh in the slips - after which things started to go rather downhill for the hissing feline. GK was yet to get a wicket and proving costly in his 2nd and 3rd over with batsman Greg punishing anything outside the line and shortly getting his 50. However, the tide changed in GK’s fourth over. The six balls boasted variation, whether it was tactical ingenious or sever lack of consistency we will never know but either way Greg wasn’t able to get on the end of it, coming across his wicket to a late inswinger that saw him dismissed with an LBW. GK finished his spell 1-21 and Cat 1-35

Runky started with two maidens to keep Sanderstead at bay, but his wicketless despair increased when Spinach dropped a sitter hitting him on the chest, and further aggravation as Aesch, paddled Runkie’s balls over the reach of square leg again and again and again. One could hear Baron bemoaning the lack of class in the skipper’s shots and finished 0-34 from 6. Greasy’s pace seemed to be increasing as his overs went on, and In his fourth over his just reward came, with a beautiful ball just clipping the top of off stump. He could have had a couple more wickets had buttery spinach not dropped a sitter or GK held onto a low slip catch. Greasy finished with fine figures 1-21

 At this point in the game, despite our best efforts, the oppo were starting to run away with it a bit. A . Trash’s first ball equalled a wicket, Motty showing resolve under the spinning ball . Dabbler and Pob had an over, and the forty overs came to an end, Sanderstead on 196-7.

 It had been decided that tea wasn’t going to be provided on this occasion on account of the annual post-match curry we had lined up. 197 runs needed to win meant we needed to put our best foot forward and not concede to the usual Pecker’s collapse.

Dabbler and Dibbler make a steady start

Enter Dabbler and Dibbler. Dibbler, Dabbler’s older brother, was on his debut for the Pecker’s, and had fielded excellently. He looked very tidy considering he hadn’t played in about 11 years, until brother Dabbler ran him out for 8. Lamby who had kept excellently stuck around for a while until an LBW shout saw him trotting back to the pav for 8. We were now well behind the run rate something like 27 for 2 from 1. Greasy was caught behind for 3 and left us looking very vulnerable indeed. Thankfully Dabbler had been keeping the score ticking over and when he was joined by Trash things started to look up

 His 1st scoring shot was a straight drive that rocketed past the open-mouthed bowler. He tried to score off his first dozen balls, was almost caught at gully and I uttered from square leg that he was allowed to play a defensive shot. Aesch then asked him ‘Do you know any?’ He was seeing the ball like a beach ball in a master class of technique and before long utterances of ‘hang on we might still be in with a chance’ and ‘wow we’ve somehow pulled it back’ began on the boundary – all the while POB was conducting a rendition of Sweet Caroline in the background with someone, he claimed used to babysit him….!?!Dabbler was going nicely as well, hitting a huge cover drive over the hedge for 6 but alas the partnership came to an end, Dabbler walking back on 37 having been caught behind. Up steps Cat who hit some nice boundaries and quick runs, before being bowled for 19 to make way for GK. Our wickets were staring to run out and so too were our overs. Trash settled down after the early onslaught, made his first Pecker’s 50 and was then caught.

Trash out for51

POB came to the crease and both him and GK set about keeping up with the required rate of 7 , and had to resort to getting full value through energetic running, putting on 42 off 6. The run rate required stayed on 7, the sights now on what could be a very close finish. With that in mind the oppo brought on a couple of handy bowlers which got the better of POB for 16. Spinach took to the crease who was soon abandoned by GK who was caught on 25. The score at the point was the following:

183 runs off 38 overs for 8 wickets. 

So, we needed 14 runs from 2 overs. Still 7 an over. Motty came on, hit a four in his first shot, played a couple of singles, a two and was then caught on 8.  

192 runs off 39 overs for 9 wickets.

5 runs to win from 6 balls. 

Enter, Runkie at the non-batting end.

Spinach to face. Greg to bowl. Spinach hits 2.

3 runs to win.

Greg to bowl

Spinach to swipe.

4!

Spinach had redeemed himself from the howlers in the field. On his birthday weekend he slapped the ball over mid wicket to guide the Peckers to their second victory of the season with just 3 balls to spare. Twas truly one of the greatest games I have ever played, followed by one of the greatest curries I’ve ever had. We had the full team round the table at the Panahar (+Aesch) for a glorious meal. We go to the HAC this week with 2 from 2, hoping to keep our winning form. Well done all, up the Peckers! https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5116329

Ripley

The beautifully quaint and picturesque town of Ripley was a more than fitting scene to open, what we all hoped would be, a glorious 2022 season for the mighty Woodpeckers. The first team sheet of the season was sprinkled with some new fresh faces, a considerable amount of youth but also a great backbone of Woodpecker experience, taking on a strong Ripley team with 5 first teamers .The Woodpeckers vs Ripley has over 70 years of history and Ashley Giles’s father Mike made an appearance . The pitch was the usual lush bowler friendly start to the season

As I am led to believe is accustomed with Woodpecker life we put Ripley into bat, with 40 over per side agreed. The trusty and ever reliable Spinach launched his first two deliveries down the track without direction and straight at the batters quivering head. BagPuss, brought on to partner Spinach from the off, continued with this theme -At this point it looked like we could have two of our strike bowlers thrown out of the game before it had even started. Apologies were quick to follow but the was this a sign of what was to come?

 Luckily for the team both Spinach and the Cat’s early season nerves quickly disappeared with both finding their range. Spinach, unfortunate not to take a wicket bowled a tidy spell and it was Cat that benefitted from that early pressure. Coming on for his second over Cat clean bowled both Panting and Khan to the joy of the Peckers. Zee Baron slightly irked exclaimed “this only leaves eight for me” . However, to their credit Ripley recovered well with a third wicket partnership of 65 between 1st teamers Russell and Vinder. New boy Traaaaash replaced the wheezing Cat (2 wickets for 22 runs). Traaaaash brought some additional pace, and induced Vinder to spoon one to mid-off, where Snax doing his best Michael Jackson moonwalk impression, shuffled back to take a great catch . The hard hitting Russell rattled off 3 quick boundaries to make it 9 in his 41, and at 94-3 in the last over before drinks, Peckers looked in big trouble on this sticky wicket. Traash finally got the luck he deserved. with Kwakka, in his first game as clubman, moving sharply to his right at cover to take a great catch on the run and removing the danger man making the Orange Squash tasted a lot sweeter .

Top L-R Tiggy, Groundskeeper Smiggel, Trash, Bagpuss, Beearon, Cous, Lamby, Spinach, Avocado.

Front Kwakka, Marmalade, Pobsy, T-Bone, Snax, Dabbler

Groundskeeper on to partner Traaaassh, beat the bat regularly which should have been rewarded with a wicket, if it were not for Traaaassh dropping a hard, if I do say so myself, chance at gully. 95% of Peckers wouldn’t have got near it . Traaaash took the reward Groundskeeper so duly deserved by bowling Taylor and leaving Ripley 120-5, and completing an excellent spell of fast bowling 3-40. I had suggested the everyone bowls an over rule with 1 medical exemption, so turned to the more ‘occasionals’. 

To this call up stepped Cousin le Davide, who came with wife T-Bone and seemingly turned up to play a round of golf and proceeded to bowl the filthiest two over spell surely ever seen on the Ripley bowling green, bowling some wides that would have been luckily to hit a fairway let alone a cricket wicket. A knee high full toss was struck very hard by 1st 11 captain Geaves where Kwakka leapt to his right like a salmon moving upstream, to cling onto a stunning two-handed catch inches off the turf. The gasps could be heard all around the ground, and you will be hard pressed to find a better catch all season mark my words. Cous then bowled Butler with a knee high full toss, finishing with figures of 2 overs-8 runs-2 wickets, provided a spell that will go down as one of the dirtiest and entertaining in village cricket history.

Snax bowled steadily and the right honourable Neil Von Runkel and Kwakka were brought into the attack and the Beearon bowled with guile and wisdom that was far too advanced for the youthful Ripley lower order, finally removing the stubborn Talbot for 23 and starting the season with delicious figures of 4 overs 1 for 7. Kwakka when asked by Lamby what he was bowling -he described ‘A shit version of Henners’ .He carried on the Easter theme of 2s claiming two wickets- the 1st was comedy gold a hideous swipe off a full toss that somehow dribbled off the inside edge into the off stump at a snail’s pace, and the bail somehow fell off. Ripley had lost the last 6 wickets for 25 ,finishing their innings with a total of 145 all out from 34.5 overs bowled. Lamby kept very tidily on a shooting wicket and wasn’t afraid to tenderise the ‘leg of Lamb’ to make a stop 

A delightful tea, comprising of a wide selection of sandwiches, cakes and biscuits washed down with various ales, beers and summer fruits was enjoyed in the early April sunshine. However, the crowing jewel to our late afternoon cricket tea was made by Marmalade, the lovely mother of our dear Groundskeeper. A splendid quiche was provided along with the best rhubarb cake you are ever likely to have the pleasure of trying. Thanks also to Horse and his foals who distributed delicious Easter Eggs from their basket.

With tea duly devoured, it didn’t take long for the famed batting collapse as Cous and then Kwakka fell within the first over of our innings both bowled by the express pace of 1st 11 captain Geaves, Kwakka unluckily off his pads . George became the 3rd bowler of the day to take 2 wickets in an over -surely this must be a record? Following on from this ghastly start Lamby and Dabbler showed some real fight and decent little partnership to steady the ship. Dabbler nurdled his way to a respectable 20 and looked on for a far bigger score, until his wicket was snatched away from him due to a blinding catch in the slips with Khan grasping on to the ball with one hand like his life depended on it. Traaaash hobbled out to join Lamby at the crease, with his 25-year-old body not being able to cope with bowling 8 overs it seemed after a rather enjoyable winter hibernation period. Lamby looking all class with some glorious cover drives , Traaaash meanwhile did not hang around dealing solely in boundaries for a brisk 26 before spooning and dross full toss straight to midwicket.

Lamby was undone by the dreaded pea roller from a half-track delivery, Kwakka reluctantly raised his paw. The Cat and Groundskeeper scored briskly until he was bowled for 16. Cat followed his mate quickly also bowled trying an ill-judged hoik for 6.The Woodpeckers on the verge of complete collapse at 110-7 with Spinach joining Pobsy at the crease and by god were we in need of a captains innings….

 Pobsy and Spinach had clear roles while at the crease. Pobsy, the experienced campaigner was charged with nurdling the ball around and gathering as many runs as possible, while Spinach had the more attritional role and resembled the great Rahul Dravid, who was adeptly nicknamed ‘The Wall’. The skip and Spinach looked to be guiding us home with a patient and well worked partnership of 31 before Ripley’s very part time off break bowler Panting decided to tempt Spinach’s mental resolve. It was too much for him as he was dropped once and then swatted a garbage ball straight to mid-on. With 10 runs needed and 2 wickets remaining his brought to the crease the mighty Snax . Pobsy (25*) carried on as he had previously done and played with incredible composure getting us within 4 of the win, but it was Snax who had the final say , a glorious pull shot, that Ricky Ponting would have been proud of, was clattered to the fence giving us a brilliant 2 wicket victory. Full scorecards here -Thanks Cous https://woodpeckers.play-cricket.com/website/results/5416272

We had some delicious ales, as we savoured the first victory of the season. Thanks to all the Peckers and supporters who made it such a glorious start, a great team effort with everyone making a great contribution. ‘Two’ is the legendary catch cry of our Life President Brian who I am pleased to report is feeling a bit better this week, so it was apt that ‘2’ was the theme of the day. Three bowlers took two wickets in an over, our first 2 wickets went 2nd ball and the top Pecker scorers were Trash 26, Pobsy 25*, Lamby 22 and Dabbler 20 .